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My mom as MOH...

I originally asked my mom to be my matron of honor.  Well something have changed to say the least.  My fiances sister will be my matron of honor and then a cousin is my maid of honor.  I dont want to list my mom at matron 1 and then his sister matron 2 in the programs...too confusing and not the way I really wan it.  What other ways can I list my mom in the program? Honorary Matron?  I dont want her to realize that things have changed but I dont want her to have the actual title of matron of honor...its a complicated situation.  Any help is appreciated!! Thanks so much.

Re: My mom as MOH...

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    Leave her as Matron of Honor. There's no way to "politely" demote her, trick her into thinking she's still MOH when she's not, or kicking her out without hurting her feelings.

    I don't get why you want to kick her out yet spare her feelings. She either did something so awful that she truly deserves to be kicked out of your wedding party (and your life), or you're completely overreacting to a very stupid issue. None of this "She doesn't deserve the honor but I'll trick her into thinking she does" B.S.

    What happened?
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    You asked your mom to be your MOH. She apparently said yes.   I think it's very poor form to now somehow have a secret MOH society and she's not included anymore.

    How exactly do you intend to keep this "secret" from your mom.  You don't think she'll figure it out when your FSIL says "I'm the matron of honor" and your cousin says "Well, I'm the MOH" and your mom is standing there as well?

    If you haven't already asked your FSIL to be the MOH, my suggestion would be don't.  You already have a MOH.  If you have already asked, or you insist on asking, then you have 2 Matrons of Honor and a Maid of Honor.

    And the term "honorary" is used for someone who can't physically be present at the wedding.  So if your mom is going to be there, she's not an honorary MOH.

    Seems like you've created quite the situation.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    You asked her to be MOH.  Not listing her in the program as MOH is going to clue her in that something's up.  It's just an honorary title.  Is it really worth the possibility of her never speaking to you ever again, and potentially other family members taking her side (and yes, it happens) just to have things listed a certain way in the program?
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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    You have got to be kidding. Why on earth would your have your mother as MOH in the first place? Now that she has accepted, you want to deceive her and not let her know that she isn't really the MOH. You have a lot of nerve.
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    edited July 2010
    This makes little sense to me. You wanted her to be MOH, then things changed for you but you aren't telling her that they have, and now you don't want her to be MOH? Sounds odd to me.

    Just keep her as MOH and list both in the program. You don't have to put #1 and #2. Nothing good will come from demoting her. It is one thing to demote someone you are ready to cut out of your life but this will seriously impact the relationship that you have with your mother for the rest of your life. This would be a terrible move on your part IMO.
    Anniversary
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    She's your mother, you don't demote her. Things have changed?   If you want to know how to list them, your mom should definitely be listed first.
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    Just list her as Matron of honor, then the sister, then the cousin as maid of honor.  Is she standig up there???

    YOu may want to give some details because everyone is generally confused about your situation.  you change your mind or did she do something?
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    Demoting your mom as MOH is one of the most bridezilla moves a gal can make.  Don't do it.
    Courtesy of megk8oz
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
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    I really would rather not post something so personal on here, but she did do something.  Something that makes me look at her in a completely different light and has changed my view on her and our relationship.  Something I have told her I have forgiven her for, but really truely havent.  I smiply dont want to hurt her feelings and I thought there could be another way to honor her without putting maitron of honor.  She is a person that will not be upset about this what-so-ever, because all she wants to do gain my trust and close friendship back.  She is walking down the aisle right before me...in a different color and style dress than my maids. I would like her to be listed in my program with my matron and maids but I thought listing her first and with a important but different title would be better.  Im sorry this is so confusing, but I hope this helps!
    ps-no she didnt sleep with a friend or whatever. :)  She just did something very stupid andnot something a mother should do...in other words..I feel like the adult/mother in our relationship.
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    Whatever she did, remember that at the end of the day she's still your mom and nothing will change that.  I had to remember that on days when my sister/MOH started throwing tantrums and acting really bizarrely.  A year later I don't regret keeping her as MOH.  I suspect you'll feel the same about your mom.
    Courtesy of megk8oz
    image
    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
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    If whatever she did was not serious enough for you to remove her from your life all together, then just suck it up and leave her as MOH and do not bring in replacements.

    MOH is essentially a meaningless title. You will not be teaching her a lesson by demoting her. You're just going to look like a giant bridezilla and a heartless person to everyone outside the situation. Your life will not be ruined if your MOH is less than perfect.

    If you still have issues with her, act like an adult and talk them out with her. Don't pull some stupid passive-agrressive move like tricking her into thinking she's MOH when you're really pulling in other Maids of Honor in her place. It's a crappy thing to do to everyone involved.

    Either clear the air with her now and take whatever measures are necessary to move past this situation (either hash it out, or kick her out of your life entirely), or suck it up and get over it and let that be the end of it. If you're really "over it," then you're over it. If not, FIX it.
    image
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    For being purportedly the "adult" in the relationship, taking away a purely ceremonial title is a pretty childish thing to do.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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