11 kids in a wedding part - what to do

essigm

 I'm having a large, Catholic (but not traditional! ) wedding in June 2013. My fiance and I are putting together our wedding party and are stuck on a "problem." He has 11 nieces and nephews (ages 6 months - 8 years) that we absolutely adore. It's a no-brainer that I want them all in the wedding - I can't imagine it any other way. I could care less if it's a slight disaster because there are so many, so that's not the issue. 

We just aren't sure what to have them DO. Our ceremony is religious so we talked about having the older girls serve or something. I want them to walk down the aisle as part of the bridal party, but I don't know what to have them do. I'd love to have them carry yellow balloons (part of our reception decor) but I doubt we can have those in the church (so sad). We're a little off-beat so nontraditional suggestions are more than welcome - they just have to be church-appropriate. Thanks!!

LeiselEB

Are the older girls actually trained altar servers? If not, they'll probably be totally lost and will likely be uncomfortable being so "on display". Even if they are trained servers, I'd make sure they want to do it before giving them that job. 

Do you not want flower girls and ring bearers? You can have multiple of those. Someone carrying a "Here comes the bride" sign is an option. 

I get wanting them involved, but that's a lot of kids that probably don't care all that much to be super involved. I'd give the girls corsages or pomanders, and the boys boutonnieres and have them walk in the processional then sit with their parents. They don't need to necessarily DO anything to be part of your wedding. 

essigm

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_11-kids-in-a-wedding-party-what-to-do?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:79d6c535-a8a1-41ac-a2b4-93936e73b05aPost:54076e18-50e8-4bf8-8fc3-245818babaa1">Re: 11 kids in a wedding party - what to do?</a>:
[QUOTE]Are the older girls actually trained altar servers? If not, they'll probably be totally lost and will likely be uncomfortable being so "on display". Even if they are trained servers, I'd make sure they want to do it before giving them that job.  Do you not want flower girls and ring bearers? You can have multiple of those. Someone carrying a "Here comes the bride" sign is an option.  I get wanting them involved, but that's a lot of kids that probably don't care all that much to be super involved. I'd give the girls corsages or pomanders, and the boys boutonnieres and have them walk in the processional then sit with their parents. They don't need to necessarily DO anything to be part of your wedding. 
Posted by LeiselEB[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>The girls aren't trained yet, but yes, they would be by the wedding. I don't know if they could serve if they hadn't been trained...and we ran that idea by them and they were VERY excited. </div><div>The point of having them all is that they DO want to be involved...a lot of them ask frequently what they'll be doing and what they can help with, so it's definitely not something we're making them do. Certainly, if somebody didn't want to do anything (or got a little chicken and wouldn't walk the day of!) it would be completely fine. I simply want them to be involved because they WANT to be, not to parade them around or anything :)</div><div>I suppose an easy problem solver would be to have the girls throw flowers and the boys maybe carry a sign. That would be cute! </div><div>I have it in my mind that they should DO something, but you're right in that they could probably just simply walk down the aisle. Also an idea!

</div>

bonge

I get that you love them but that is an awful lot of kids for a wedding. I am getting married in a catholic church & i am positive my priest would restrict us. I don't have to worry though because we are not having children involved at all. I have seen many a headache from having kids involved (headaches with the parents even when neices/nephews) so we went a different path.

You should never mention roles to anyone this far out. You would be surprised at how much things change in a years time. Weddings can make ppl cray cray, no lie, even ones you have known forever can go off the deep end.

Lark2013

The older ones could do readings while the younger ones serve more "traditional" roles such as ring bearers/flower girls.  Having the younger ones being pulled down the isle in a wagon might be kind of cute.

mcskatcat

I kind of get where you're coming from, in a sense.  One of my older cousins had ALL of us younger cousins (something like 14-15 kids!) in her wedding, and it actually worked out okay as I recall.  I hardly recall what anybody did.  There were two flower girls, two ring bearers, candle lighters, readers, etc. etc.  If it's what you really want, then you can make it happen somehow.  Like the above poster said - though - wait until you have your decisions finalized to talk to them about it. 

And while I agree that jobs like handing out programs are insulting to adults, a lot of kids are thrilled to do those kinds of things.  Two of our younger cousins passed out the "getaway" stuff, so there's little things they can do that aren't really a huge part but will be important in their eyes. 

JaxInBlue

It's very early to be handing out assignments, especially very specific ones that require preparation and training.  I grew up Catholic, and I know that before I could be an altar server, I had to be through my First Communion and then go through the Church training.  You should probably find out what the requirements are of the Church in which you are marrying before you say much more.  And I'd honestly hold off saying anything until January 2013 at the earliest.

I agree with talking to your Church and officiant about what roles children could play is important.  DH and I have 18 nieces and nephews, 14 of whom were present at the wedding.  We did not give them all a role; it just wasn't possible to create that many age appropriate jobs that fit into our ceremony.  I like the idea of having some of them fill traditional roles, maybe carry a sign or participate in part of a reading (the responsorial psalms at a Catholic mass are great places of kids to read, IMO).  I would really think about the wagon though - that can be dangerous depending on the floor in your Church, who is pulling the wagon and how well behaved the rider is. 

In all honesty, I would focus on the set that can play a role (maybe those 3-4 and up) and not worry about the younger ones. Acknowledge them all, get them all in family pics, give them all gifts if you want - but try not to create more work for yourself or anyone else by making up jobs that may or may not be done depending on the mood of the child that day.

mbcdefg

Think about it now, by all means, but don't start assigning roles.

Altar servers have to be trained in the church, and they have to be at least a certain age. And of course they need to be Catholic. So you can't just choose any kids you want and give them the job. If they really want to do it, then they need to talk to their respective parish and see if they can enroll as altar servers there, and then once they do it in their own church then you can probably have them serve at your wedding.

If anyone is old enough to do a reading, then that's an option.

Personally, I would just have them all process down the aisle together in a group, and let that be that. No special titles or perfectly matched outfits, because that just seems like more trouble than it's worth. List them as "Wedding Party" or "Attendants" in the program and just have them walk in a group. It's a 30-second walk, so it's not worth one year+ of headache trying to coordinate special titles, roles and jobs for them. Especially when the young ones might have a meltdown before/during the walk and might even refuse to go down the aisle.

If you hadn't already promised the kids a role/had your heart set on it, I'd have suggested a nice group photo with all of them. But if you are O.K. with the thought that it might not go according to plan with so many kids, then try having them all walk in a group together.

graysquirrel

I don't mean to sound like a B, but I think that sounds like too much and that the logistics would be a headache. Eleven children standing up front during the service sounds like a recipe for disaster. There are ways to honor your family members without making them all stand up front or walk down the aisle with you. I would have a special photo and dance with them instead. Much easier on all of them and on you because you don't have to coordinate all of them or find jobs for each of them.

essigm

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_11-kids-in-a-wedding-party-what-to-do?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:79d6c535-a8a1-41ac-a2b4-93936e73b05aPost:3ada4e0b-e03f-401d-b7d2-ae5ab0c9131f">Re: 11 kids in a wedding party - what to do?</a>:
[QUOTE]The older ones could do readings while the younger ones serve more "traditional" roles such as ring bearers/flower girls.  Having the younger ones being pulled down the isle in a wagon might be kind of cute.
Posted by Lark2013[/QUOTE]

<div>The reading idea = adorable. They would LOVE that. Thank you!</div>

essigm

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_11-kids-in-a-wedding-party-what-to-do?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:79d6c535-a8a1-41ac-a2b4-93936e73b05aPost:97df8125-4058-47d4-a462-5883ce361937">Re: 11 kids in a wedding party - what to do?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't mean to sound like a B, but I think that sounds like too much and that the logistics would be a headache. Eleven children standing up front during the service sounds like a recipe for disaster. There are ways to honor your family members without making them all stand up front or walk down the aisle with you. I would have a special photo and dance with them instead. Much easier on all of them and on you because you don't have to coordinate all of them or find jobs for each of them.
Posted by graysquirrel[/QUOTE]

<div>A dance would be great! And you're right about them standing up, but they wouldn't be. Even if we just had one flower girl and ring bearer they would simply walk down the aisle and go sit with mom and dad. I can't image making a kid (or 11, lol) stand up front - how boring! ;)</div>

ceh789

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_11-kids-in-a-wedding-party-what-to-do?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:79d6c535-a8a1-41ac-a2b4-93936e73b05aPost:54076e18-50e8-4bf8-8fc3-245818babaa1">Re: 11 kids in a wedding party - what to do?</a>:
[QUOTE]I get wanting them involved, but that's a lot of kids that probably don't care all that much to be super involved. I'd give the girls corsages or pomanders, and the boys boutonnieres and have them walk in the processional then sit with their parents. They don't need to necessarily DO anything to be part of your wedding. 
Posted by LeiselEB[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>This, exactly.  Don't make up jobs for them.</div>

HobokensFury

Sorry but 11 kids sounds like a nightmare.  PP have given you some good ideas without having to assign jobs or putting them in the ceremony.

TiffannieF

I understand that you want them to be part of your special day but I also agree, it's too much.  Plus you would have to get them all gifts on top of that.  I would do the picture and special dance for them.

Maybe do a special kind of toss (like bouquet/garter but more appropriate for kids).

If you are convinced that they must be part of the wedding just have the older ones do a reading, 2 carry a "Here comes the bride" sign, and the other ones just walk down the aisle. 

Not giving responsibilities will make your life easier, trust me.