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I know I have to let her get the dress or she isnt in...but


I asked my sister in law to be a bridesmaid.  I also asked her daughter (my niece) to be a bridesmaid.  My mom is paying for both of their dresses.  Everyone else in the wedding party has ordered their dresses but her.  I think she has time, but according to the shop here she doesnt have a lot of time.  She said to me she thinks she can order the dresses from a bridal shop by her.  I dont really care if she orders or not, and agree with the "if she shows up in the dress; she is in; if not, she's not in" mentality; however, I dont think its fair to my niece.  She is only 12, she certainly cant be expected to go order her own dress.  I would take my niece to order her dress but they live 3 hours away and I think it would irritate the crap out of my sister in law.  Again, I am not concerned with whether my sister in law gets a dress, but how do I ensure my niece does?
(I have tried the gentle reminder emails, asking her if she knows the drop dead date she has to order by at her store, etc...she is not answering)
I updated my bio on 06/24/10, however if you want to see my planning bio you have to go to www.lizardlipsplanningbio.weebly.com because I am having a hard time making it clicky!

Re: I know I have to let her get the dress or she isnt in...but

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    If your mom is paying for both dresses, why can't she order them?
    panther
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    I would personally just buy her a nice dress from a department store, and you can do that a week or two before the wedding if you have to.

    You can find a ton of pretty party/formal dresses in a variety of places and take them home the same day. If it's in her street size then she may not even need alterations. Get it in a shade close to your adult BMs' dresses, or put her in the opposite wedding color (like if your colors are pink and brown and the adults are in brown, put her in pink), or put her in a neutral color (champagne, brown, black, silver, white). People won't think twice of it because they'll figure a younger girl will need a dress anyway.

    Or keep an eye out on eBay and Craigslist for that dress. If it's not available in her size, get it in a bigger size and alter it down, or use the fabric for scrap and have a seamtress make her a brand-new dress.

    I would also contact wholesalers like netbride.com, rkbridal.com and pearlsplace.com, and ask for their estimated delivery times. I've heard that they oftentimes ship dresses faster than a salon will.

    I would just sit tight and give your SIL the benefit of the doubt, though. Going behind her back to get the dress (even though I agree with you that she's cutting it close - and I also feel it's rude of her to slack off if your mother is paying for the dresses) will just piss her off and will make for an awkward family relationship. If she knows the due dates that's all you can really do.
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    Thanks.  I know my niece is SO excited to be a part of the wedding, and I feel bad that she may not have the same style dress.  I know that the people in attendance wont think of it as weird, but I think it will hurt her feelings. 
    I am just frustrated with my sister in law, and have been for years, so its nothing new  Undecided.  Oh well, we will see as time goes on what happens.  It sucks that it has to affect my niece. 
    I updated my bio on 06/24/10, however if you want to see my planning bio you have to go to www.lizardlipsplanningbio.weebly.com because I am having a hard time making it clicky!
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    Let your SIL handle this one - I totally understand you wanting to look out for your 12 yr old neice but it's going to be more of an issue if you upstage her mom on the ordering / taking her to get it, etc.  If her mother fails to order the dresses for them by the cut off date then it's her mom she can be upset with. But this isn't your responsibility.  Agreed that I would give SIL the benefit of the doubt for now - there's not much you can do to force someone else to operate on your time schedule. And that's not to say I don't undertsand what you're saying or why you're bothered - for the sake of your neice.
    The Bump ate my signature. DD - Apr 2011 DS - expected June 2013
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_let-her-dress-she-isnt-inbut?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:7b229c76-a7a5-4d4f-a943-163476bca0cdPost:5ef128b8-fa90-4bfe-b7f5-c8a0916a2fe5">Re: I know I have to let her get the dress or she isnt in...but</a>:
    [QUOTE]If your mom is paying for both dresses, why can't she order them?
    Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]


    My mom or my sister in law?  My sister in law needs to get her and my niece measured, and I have let everyone pick out their own style from jasmine bridal; and then i picked the color.  So if my sister in law wants my mom (or I) to make the decision on what style dress she gets, my mom could order it (if we knew her measurements). 
    I updated my bio on 06/24/10, however if you want to see my planning bio you have to go to www.lizardlipsplanningbio.weebly.com because I am having a hard time making it clicky!
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    Yeah...as far as MY expecatations or time line, I dont really care that much.  Either SIL gets a dress or she doesnt.  But its my niece's feelings I care about...she is only 12 and it will suck if she has to blame anyone!  But, you are right, I cant really intervene without causing drama, and drama is the last thing I want!  So I will wait it out and see what happens. 
    I updated my bio on 06/24/10, however if you want to see my planning bio you have to go to www.lizardlipsplanningbio.weebly.com because I am having a hard time making it clicky!
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    Have you spoken to your niece directly?  If she's told what measurements she needs, maybe she can get a friend's mom to measure her and let you know what dress style she likes.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_let-her-dress-she-isnt-inbut?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:7b229c76-a7a5-4d4f-a943-163476bca0cdPost:b7811fa8-85c4-48fd-acab-2e2818418fb1">Re: I know I have to let her get the dress or she isnt in...but</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I know I have to let her get the dress or she isnt in...but : My mom or my sister in law?  My sister in law needs to get her and my niece measured, and I have let everyone pick out their own style from jasmine bridal; and then i picked the color.  So if my sister in law wants my mom (or I) to make the decision on what style dress she gets, my mom could order it (if we knew her measurements). 
    Posted by elmulvey[/QUOTE]

    Ahhh... okay.  I get it.  I guess I kind of assumed that the dress had already been picked out and tried on and what not.  If they had then yeah, all your mom would have to do is go there or call and order it.  But if they haven't been by to try them on or give measurements, then that leaves your mother with her hands tied.

    Honestly how hard can it be to set aside fifteen minutes to go to the shop and get measured?  She doesn't have to pay so it's not like there's any pressure.  Go light a fire under her ass!

    JK- but honestly I hope it works out!
    panther
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    Could your SIL see this as a very daunting task?  If they can choose which ever style they want, that is a lot of dresses for both her and her daughter to try on.  She might not feel like she can set aside that amount of time.

    What if you scheduled a time with her where you go out to where she lives, have lunch, and then help them go shopping.  Does she have other children?  Maybe she needs a babysitter.
    My Grandparents on their wedding day.
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    Repeat this to your self: My Wedding Party is made of my family and friends and I should treat them as such.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_let-her-dress-she-isnt-inbut?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:7b229c76-a7a5-4d4f-a943-163476bca0cdPost:35bbac0b-29aa-4dec-94b6-c9543c5e7226">Re: I know I have to let her get the dress or she isnt in...but</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I know I have to let her get the dress or she isnt in...but : Ahhh... okay.  I get it.  I guess I kind of assumed that the dress had already been picked out and tried on and what not.  If they had then yeah, all your mom would have to do is go there or call and order it.  But if they haven't been by to try them on or give measurements, then that leaves your mother with her hands tied. Honestly how hard can it be to set aside fifteen minutes to go to the shop and get measured?  She doesn't have to pay so it's not like there's any pressure.  Go light a fire under her ass! JK- but honestly I hope it works out!
    Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]

    I would like to kick her in the ass, does that work?  haha.  As a side note, yes, she does have another kid, he is 8; but all of her family live near her and they often watch the kids if needed.  She also doesnt work...not that THAT is a reason she should be all "oh the wedding"; because I dont expect her to be like that AT ALL (I havent nor would I ask her for help with anything, or opinions, nor do I even talk about the wedding unless she were to ask me); so I dont know.
    I suppose maybe its a daunting task; as there are a lot to choose from; but my niece has already picked the one she wants.  And I would be more than happy to shop with them, but I dont want to be too overbearing (like hey you arent getting this done, let me hold your hand). 
    I updated my bio on 06/24/10, however if you want to see my planning bio you have to go to www.lizardlipsplanningbio.weebly.com because I am having a hard time making it clicky!
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    If it gets down to the deadline and your niece hasn't been measured, she can go to a friend's mom like I said before, or she could probably get measured by the family & consumer sciences teacher at her school - I think most middle schools having a family& computer sciences/ home economics department, right?  Since she's already chosen her style, that's all she really needs.

    Or if she's comfortable with it, she can wear whatever she wants.  I just know my comfort zone at 12 didn't include standing with several people in coordinating outfits while I was in a different one.  But then, I was used to wearing a uniform at that age.
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    Yeah as one of those kids whose mom was super flaky, this could be touchy for your niece.  I tend to agree that matching doesnt matter so much, but to her, its just one more let down by her mom.  Hopefully your SIL will pull through, but definitely have a back up plan if it means that much to your niece.  There are always rush orders to be considered (unless your drop dead date accounts for that).  Most places cushion by quite a bit, so it may still be possible for you to do it yourself if the SIL screws up.  good luck!
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