Wedding Party

What to do when we BOTH want to boot out a groomsman?

Before everyone gets up in arms: I've searched this forum for a similar question, and come up short.  Just hoping I can get some balanced, non-flaming opinions on what to do in this sticky situation.

My future Hubs and I are extremely lucky: we usually see eye-to-eye in things, and have for the nearly 10 years we've been together.  When we got engaged five years ago (I know, it's been awhile... blame grad school), he had a great set of guy friends that had been his buddies since high school.  So, it stood to reason that this group would make up his groomsmen (along with my brother).  No concerns.

Fast forward a few years.  One of Hubs' groomsmen (GM) and he have had a serious falling out (GM owes hubs hundreds of dollars and has made no move to repay him, GM has deeply insulted hubs both behind his back and right to MY face, saying "He'll be a father, sure, but he'll never be a DAD", etc).  All of this makes us very sad.  Multiple attempts have been made to contact the GM and talk through this issues, to no avail.  We're forgiving people, really... we just want the lines of communication to be open.  GM has repeatedly ignored all attempts at contacting him, to the point of hiding in his girlfriend's car instead of having to come face to face with Hubs.

So first and foremost, this is the loss of a dear friend due to his irresponsibility, hurtful comments, and complete lack of communication with us.  Unfortunately, it's also the loss of a groomsman.  Hubs no longer wants this person to stand up for us in the wedding, and I completely agree.  The question is just... how do we TELL him?  We couldn't even get a Save-the-Date card to him in the mail; it was returned by post.  But still, since we value communication, we don't want any misunderstandings as the day approaches.  Though we think he assumes he's no longer welcome in the wedding party, we still need to make it clear. 

The only method of communication that he seems to check is Facebook (though he never replies to any of our messages, he still logs on and does other things).  We want to send him a private message explaining, as politely as possible, that we'd be happy to have him as a guest, but his past actions (inactions?) mean that he no longer has a place in our wedding party.

Sorry for the long, sad tale.  Again, this is really the loss of a friend, which us hurtful enough.  I feel like we're rubbing salt in the wound, but this person has hurt both of us financially and emotionally such that we can't count him among our closest friends on this special day.

Any ideas on how this notice should be worded?  Of course we know FB isn't the OPTIMAL way to do this, but we have no other option (we live 24 hours drive from this person, so hunting him down at work can't even be done).  Anyone have something helpful to share??

-mdumouchelle & Hubs

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