Can NOT Stand a Groomsman..

VictoriaSoonToBeLaboda

My fiance is picking this guy from work to be one of his groomsman. He was cool at first, but then he started becoming a complete jerk.. He has been making comments about us that I do not appreciate. For an example, he said "I already came to a conclusion, I will pay for your divorce considering I will be the reason you and Steve (my fiance) get divorced." We aren't even married yet and he is already planning our divorce. He doesn't like my daughter, mind you she is only 6 months old, he is annoyed by my friends, he constantly is putting someone down (including my fiance) and he is always making fat jokes about my one girlfriend. He always talks to me and my friends like we are dumb. He came up to me and said I don't care what you think, this is what is happening, I am getting a Top Hat and a Cane and wearing it, me and Joe are going all out like they did in Dumb and Dumber.. Sad part was he was serious.. He asked the tuxedo lady for a cane and top hat..
He walks around like an arrogant piece of crap, he speaks of women like they are an item and that all they are there for is to make him food, have sex with him and be something he can stare at. He calls them all baby, sweetie, darling, hun, babe.. he just disgusts me... Needless to say, I don't want him standing up in my wedding. None of my bridesmaids can stand him.. What do I do about this?

gottahavashorti

I'm confused about why he is going to be a groomsman.  Does your FI know how you feel about him and why you feel that way, and has he already been asked? 

I would be concerned about my relationship if my FI wanted someone who was against our marriage and insulted us and our friends constantly to be in the wedding despite knowing how I felt about it.

laurenclaire1386

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_can-not-stand-groomsman?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:7ccbc401-2c0b-4fae-b2ef-0fdbf5a0b188Post:b372433a-c28e-40bb-97eb-b6670d2b63b4">Can NOT Stand a Groomsman..</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance is picking this guy from work to be one of his groomsman. He was cool at first, but then he started becoming a complete jerk.. He has been making comments about us that I do not appreciate. For an example, he said "I already came to a conclusion, I will pay for your divorce considering I will be the reason you and Steve (my fiance) get divorced." We aren't even married yet and he is already planning our divorce. He doesn't like my daughter, mind you she is only 6 months old, he is annoyed by my friends, he constantly is putting someone down (including my fiance) and he is always making fat jokes about my one girlfriend. He always talks to me and my friends like we are dumb. He came up to me and said I don't care what you think, this is what is happening, I am getting a Top Hat and a Cane and wearing it, me and Joe are going all out like they did in Dumb and Dumber.. Sad part was he was serious.. He asked the tuxedo lady for a cane and top hat.. He walks around like an arrogant piece of crap, he speaks of women like they are an item and that all they are there for is to make him food, have sex with him and be something he can stare at. He calls them all baby, sweetie, darling, hun, babe.. he just disgusts me... Needless to say, I don't want him standing up in my wedding. None of my bridesmaids can stand him.. What do I do about this?
Posted by VictoriaSoonToBeLaboda[/QUOTE]

While I agree that he does sound like the biggest douche to ever walk the planet, you don't do anything. Your fiance chose this guy and who stands on his side is entirely his decision. If he's such an asshole, it makes me wonder why your fiance chose him in the first place.

mbcdefg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_can-not-stand-groomsman?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7ccbc401-2c0b-4fae-b2ef-0fdbf5a0b188Post:74ecdcc4-ecf5-452a-8e4b-f1b710a9d6fe">Re: Can NOT Stand a Groomsman..</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm confused about why he is going to be a groomsman.  Does your FI know how you feel about him and why you feel that way, and has he already been asked?  I would be concerned about my relationship if my FI wanted someone who was against our marriage and insulted us and our friends constantly to be in the wedding despite knowing how I felt about it.
Posted by gottahavashorti[/QUOTE]

Ditto. Your FI choosing to keep company with a scumbag is a MUCH bigger concern than having this guy in your wedding.

His role in the wedding will only last one day, and you won't spend a whole lot of time on that day directly interacting with him. Your FI's friendship with this guy may last for many more years ... if you've told your FI that the guy insults you, and your FI decides to keep hanging around with him and letting him pull this crap, then that's an issue of your FI having a lack of respect for you. Not an issue of this guy being a pain in the _ass.

banana468

Ditto malphabet.

This is a FI issue as well. 

Quite frankly, if DH had a friend who talked to me and my friends like that there would be issues - huge ones.

I believe that to a certain degree, the bride picks her side and the groom picks his.  BUT, I don't think an attendant who disrespects either the bride or the groom has any place in the wedding party at all.  Even invinting a person who does that is questionable IMO.

You need to talk to your FI and fast.

lalap69

Why is your FI friends with him if he's such a dbag?  I'd take serious issue with my FI asking someone who was consistently rude and disrespectful towards me and our relationship to stand up on our wedding day.  I think you and your FI need to have a little chat.

bablingbrooke

Ditto malphabet.  If he's being serious about you guys not making it, your FI needs to talk to him.  However, things like asking for a cane and top hat and calling girls sweetie are him being an idiot but not a jerk.  

suz62984

Wow-Douche alert! This is almost entirely an FI issue. If your FI knows how you feel about him then he really doesn't care about your feelings in the matter. I know a guy sort of like this. My FI wouldn't ever put him in the wedding but would have probably invited him. We just had a conversation about why I would prefer he not come to the wedding and FI agreed. You guys need to sit down and have a talk about him. Has he already asked him to be a groomsman? If so, it may be too late. Sorry.

CTGirl30

Wow. Ditto the other ladies - I'd be pretty worried about FI's choice in friends there...you can judge a person by the company they keep and I have to say...this guy doesn't sound like good news at all.

Talk to your FI asap about this - or did he already ask the guy?

suz62984

Another thought??? Does your FI act like this guy around his other guy friends...that might be why this GM is saying you'll get divorced. If this guy is a close enough friend to be in the WP chances are your FI acts like him when they go out together. Just a thought.

gottahavashorti

If your FI wants to put up with this guy that's his choice.  But he should at least try to have a talk with the GM about being kind to you and our friends.

banana468

Your FI needs to talk to this guy about what is and isn't cool.  Period.