Maids question...

Uglycar69

I have chosen my MoH and my 3 BM's. But as of late, my MoH has been rude.
This is the most she's talked to me in 10 years but i thought i'd keep a promise i made to myself about haveing her be my MoH because she was always there for me .
Now i don't want her as my MoH anymore because of what transpired over the weekend. ( no its confusing, i wont share) but i still would like her as one of me BM'S.
 What do i do? How should i break it to her? Should i just leave it behind?
 Please Help. Thanks!



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froggatt.clare

There is no way to 'demote' her to a bridesmaid without potentially ending the friendhsip.  I'm not sure why you thought that making her the MOH would improve the relationship, it sounds like you aren't as close as you once were.

People on these boards will probably say the same thing, unless what transpired over the weekend was akin to her seriously injuring a close friend or family member, or you, or sleeping with your fiance.

Sydney91

Have you already asked?

Uglycar69

i gues my question would be leaning more towards the " can i change my mind on her being the MoH ?

froggatt.clare

Its  not any different if you're kicking her out of the party or demoting her.  Its still a potentially friendship ending move.

Ali092011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maids-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:7d64af32-6014-4826-b880-4f0eaf9ee653Post:be10fd92-1094-4e5c-9354-e69cff1db9ac">Re: Maids question...</a>:
[QUOTE]i gues my question would be leaning more towards the " can i change my mind on her being the MoH ?
Posted by Uglycar69[/QUOTE]

No, no you cannot.

I guess I don't really understand why you had to "make a promise to yourself" that you would choose her as MOH. If you had to talk yourself into it, wouldn't that be not a good choice?

There was never any doubt or question in my mind about who my MOH would be, and I'd never have it any other way.

JW.

Beverly8

If you have already asked her to be your MOH you can NOT demote her now. This is extremely rude and frowned upon. I would just simply leave things as they are and you never know, things may get better.

mandctaft

You can do what you want. Its your wedding. But be prepared to lose a friendship.

Viczaesar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maids-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:7d64af32-6014-4826-b880-4f0eaf9ee653Post:f6ec97d6-5ea4-4734-9292-c0feac40245c">Maids question...</a>:
[QUOTE]I have chosen my MoH and my 3 BM's. But as of late, my MoH has been rude. This is the most she's talked to me in 10 years but i thought i'd keep a promise i made to myself about haveing her be my MoH because she was always there for me . Now i don't want her as my MoH anymore because of what transpired over the weekend. ( no its confusing, i wont share) but i still would like her as one of me BM'S.  What do i do? How should i break it to her? Should i just leave it behind?  Please Help. Thanks! [url= <a href="http://www.theknot.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers][img]http://global.theknot.com/tickers/tt12bfba.aspx[/img][/url]">http://www.theknot.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers][img]http://global.theknot.com/tickers/tt12bfba.aspx[/img][/url]</a>
Posted by Uglycar69[/QUOTE]
No, you can't demote her.  She is your MOH.

mbody

If you already asked her to be MOH then you're stuck. Unless, of course, you want to lose her as a friend. Why did you "promise yourself" you would have her as your MOH? That's just silly because it doesn't seem like you even wanted her as MOH in the first place.

mbcdefg

How could the thing she did be so awful that she shouldn't be MOH, but it's not awful enough that she can't be a regular bridesmaid?

What is making you believe that a MOH is somehow held to a higher set of morals/friendship/whatever than a regular bridesmaid? MOH may be your closest friend, but it doesn't mean that an argument will automatically bump her down in the pecking order and push someone else up to the better position.

I'm also curious as to why you seemed to think that someone you haven't spoken to in years would suddenly be an awesome and loving person because you bestowed the MOH title on her. It seems like you think that the MOH title holds some kind of special magic or something. It's a pretty much meaningless role in a few hours of one day of your lives, when you boil right down to it.

Your options are to kick her out of the bridal party entirely and tell her you don't want to be friends anymore because of this incident and she's no longer welcome to your wedding or in your life in any capacity, or keep your mouth shut and leave everything how it is. No in-between. If the incident was really that bad and you feel it's worth ending the friendship then it's understandable, but it makes NO sense to say that she did something really awful and deserved a "demotion" but is still welcome to stand in your wedding. Either it was an awful incident or it wasn't.

Demoting her to a "regular bridesmaid" isn't going to punish her or make her see the error of her ways ... it's going to piss her off, and it's going to make you look like a gigantic pretentious biitch who takes her wedding WAY too seriously and thinks she can promote and demote people like she's some multi-billionaire corporate CEO. Do your dignity a favor and do not go the demotion route. 

Again, either the incident was such a big deal that it justifies ending the whole friendship altogether, or it was something that you're just going to have to move past and get over. Decide for yourself how badly this incident hurt your friendship with her. Take a few days to cool down and think it over.