Deployed Groomsman

KellyLynne3087

I am having problems where to fit in a groomsman.  My fiancee and I have a very good friend who is currently an active member of the army and is deployed.  He was my fianccee's best friend growing up and I have become very close to him over the years.  When he first found out he was going to be deployed it was decided by the 3 of us that it would be best to choose another groomsman.  Now we are finding out he will be home for the wedding in January!  We are both very excited for him to stand up, but we arent' sure how to make it work.  Right now we both have 4 members of our bridal party.  I do not want the sides to be uneven, however I don't want to ask someone to buy a bridesmaids dress at the last minute.  I am also concerned that he may not make it home (due to military issues) and then I will be in the same dilemma again.  Does anyone have any suggestions with where to put him?

banana468

Well, while you may not like uneven sides, please know that there's no reason to worry about them.  Plenty of couples don't have matching bridal party sides.

Those standing up for you and your FI should be those nearest and dearest to you - not those who fill up a quota.

So with the extra GM, place him where you'd like him to stand and absolutey do not ask someone else to be a BM just 'cause.

The solution for the ceremony is very easy.  Either a GM walks by himself or if you want people to walk in pairs, one lucky lady is escorted by two handsome men.

gottahavashorti

Ditto everything banana said.

He's military, be flexible.  If he makes it, hopefully you'll both be excited enough about him being home for the wedding that you'll forget about whether the sides are even.

AutumnFair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_deployed-groomsman?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:810bab4a-ac31-42ec-8dee-365d3f6448ffPost:0ae5bc99-f87c-497a-a1cf-4a34550052ae">Deployed Groomsman</a>:
[QUOTE]I am having problems where to fit in a groomsman.  My fiancee and I have a very good friend who is currently an active member of the army and is deployed.  He was my fianccee's best friend growing up and I have become very close to him over the years.  When he first found out he was going to be deployed it was decided by the 3 of us that it would be best to choose another groomsman.  Now we are finding out he will be home for the wedding in January!  We are both very excited for him to stand up, but we arent' sure how to make it work.  Right now we both have 4 members of our bridal party.  I do not want the sides to be uneven, however I don't want to ask someone to buy a bridesmaids dress at the last minute.  I am also concerned that he may not make it home (due to military issues) and then I will be in the same dilemma again.  Does anyone have any suggestions with where to put him?
Posted by KellyLynne3087[/QUOTE]

<div><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;">If he is a very close friend then make him a GM, uneven sides are getting more and more common, the "look" is not worth going back and saying "man, i really wish, i had Friend A up there with us." There are many ways to deal with uneven sides then it is to think of how to add him in somewhere else that doesn't hurt feelings.</div></div><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;">
</div><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;">The only 2 spots to honor him is Usher or Reader, but I recommended GM if he is indeed a close childhood friend to your FI. The decision is ultimately up to your FI if he wants to add him as a GM. But I think him being there or not that day because he is serving our country should not be a reason for him not being in the WP. </div>

KellyLynne3087

If he is home we definetly want him the wedding party!  It is very important to both of us. Thank you all for the suggestions..I didn't realize uneven wedding parties where common.  What do you recommend for the bridal party dance?  I want him to participate in it, but there wouldn't be a girl.

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_deployed-groomsman?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:810bab4a-ac31-42ec-8dee-365d3f6448ffPost:919c29e8-d44c-4259-868a-0fb5db73f133">Re: Deployed Groomsman</a>:
[QUOTE]If he is home we definetly want him the wedding party!  It is very important to both of us. Thank you all for the suggestions..I didn't realize uneven wedding parties where common.  What do you recommend for the bridal party dance?  I want him to participate in it, but there wouldn't be a girl.
Posted by KellyLynne3087[/QUOTE]

I'm so glad to hear that you've realized that WPs are not about symmetry and that you can, with open arms and hearts welcome your friend to stand with you as you're married.

As for the WP dance, skip it.  Even as asymmetrical WPs are becoming more common, WP dances are, thankfully, on the endangered list, and before too long will be moved to the extinct column of old wedding traditions.

WP dances are uncomfortable for your WP.  Dancing with a relative stranger in front of an audience is fun for no one.  Watching the WP dance with relative strangers is boring beyond measure for your guests.

And frankly, uncomfortable and boring are not adjectives I'd want associated with my wedding.

Skip the WP dance.  Your WP will thank you.  Your guests will thank you.  Win-win.

And you have a fiance, not a fiancee.  You're the fiancee in the relationship.

AutumnFair

I ditto trix, that if you could just skip the WP dance. But if you adamant I have seen uneven parties just dance to an upbeat song together (no real couples) and then do the "snowball" in grabbing people (parents, grandparents, friends) and just transition it to the regular open dance floor. 

KellyLynne3087

Thank you all for the suggestions!   Everyone had such great ideas!

banana468

Yes, PLEASE skip the BP dance.

I'm just not as comfortable dancing with someone other than my husband.   And in most BPs, the other person is a pretty big stranger to me so that makes it extra awkward. 

mysticl

As for the WP dance I went to one wedding where none of the guys in WP liked to dance.  The Groom only danced twice the whole reception, the first dance and the anniversary dance.  So they did a bridal party dance where the bride and the bridesmaids hit the floor for one of their fave songs and that kicked off the open dancing. 

bablingbrooke

Skip the WP dance and whoosh!  Problems solved  I promise you no one will miss it or criticize you for not having it.  

aerinpegadrak

If you really want your WP to dance, let them dance with their dates instead of with each other.  Then the numbers don't matter because everyone's paired off.  But it's probably better skipped altogether.