To ask or not to ask...

hnmccormick

Hey Ladies, 
   Before I get started, I want to clarify that I realize I may be worrying about this a bit too soon, but it's already been bothering me a bit and I just thought I'd come here for some advice and a little reassurance.

I am getting married in about a year.  I know its still a ways away but I've always known who I wanted my BM to be so I've already been asking.  I have a good group of friends from high school and have asked all but one.  For the remaining one, who has maybe become more of an acquaintance, I had resolved not to ask her because I found out she confessed to my sister (and MOH) that she does not like my fiance, that she thinks I'm just being desperate, that the marriage will fail, etc.  Not friend or BM behavior, I decided to cut all ties with her, but recently she contacted me to ask why we hadn't spoken in a while.  Maybe a mistake, I told her I knew about the things she said and was extremely confused and hurt.  She apologized and said she hoped we could still be friends.  I relented and told her I would definitely like to work on things as well.  So my question is what do I do about her being or not being a BM?  I'm still leaning towards not asking but I am afraid of the drama it will cause because all of our other friends from high school are going to be my BM.

Thanks for the advice!

mbcdefg

If you're doubting whether you should ask her, then I would say no, don't ask.

You can always add her later on if you feel like you get closer. Or ask her to do a reading.

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_ask-not-ask?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:8226ed14-f400-45c9-8ac6-123bf14f0435Post:4b2aa298-db07-4eed-b3a7-f00a19887d88">To ask or not to ask...</a>:
[QUOTE]I am getting married in about a year.  I know its still a ways away but I've always known who I wanted my BM to be so I've already been asking.  I have a good group of friends from high school and have asked all but one.  For the remaining one, <strong>who has maybe become more of an acquaintance</strong>, I had resolved not to ask her because I found out <strong>she confessed to my sister (and MOH) that she does not like my fiance, that she thinks I'm just being desperate, that the marriage will fail, etc.</strong>  Not friend or BM behavior, I decided to cut all ties with her, but recently she contacted me to ask why we hadn't spoken in a while.  Maybe a mistake, I told her I knew about the things she said and was extremely confused and hurt.  She apologized and said she hoped we could still be friends.  I relented and told her<strong> I would definitely like to work on things as well.</strong>  So my question is what do I do about her being or not being a BM?  I'm still leaning towards not asking but I am afraid of the drama it will cause because all of our other friends from high school are going to be my BM. Thanks for the advice!
Posted by hnmccormick[/QUOTE]

The bolded parts are really the only things that are relevant. It sounds like you and this girl weren't super close before she insulted you and your marriage, but you've now decided you'd like to get closer. Asking her to be a BM will not bring you closer or otherwise change your relationship. If today you feel like you're such good friends that you want her to be a BM then ask her, but if not then don't.

gottahavashorti

You sound unsure, so don't ask her.

LoveBugBaby

I wouldn't ask her.  Sounds like she said some pretty hurtful things about you and your FI.  Even if you've forgiven her, she must have meant what she said or she wouldn't have said it!  A simple sorry doesn't hide how she apparently truly feels about your upcoming marriage. I just see it being a bad situation if you ask her.  Not worth the added drama during this special time in your life!

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_ask-not-ask?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:8226ed14-f400-45c9-8ac6-123bf14f0435Post:cddbdae2-fcf6-4ed0-95b1-a8ee05f55995">Re: To ask or not to ask...</a>:
[QUOTE]Is this the same girl as earlier- but an AE?  geesh
Posted by CA2MT4EveR[/QUOTE]

What girl?

CA2MT4EveR

The unasking post- I think.  Allergies are making me a little out of it today

SarahPLiz

If you have any doubt in your mind, then don't do it.

aerinpegadrak

WP should be a knee-jerk reaction.  Who would you call to bury a body at 3 in the morning?  That's your WP.  If you have to talk yourself into asking someone, they shouldn't be a bridesmaid.

Besides, making someone a bridesmaid doesn't magically fix the relationship.  It just tends to make things worse.  If you want to be closer to her, the secret isn't to ask her to shell out a bunch of money in the name of your party.  Just start hanging out more.

jlmarks83

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_ask-not-ask?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:8226ed14-f400-45c9-8ac6-123bf14f0435Post:fced9bbb-149d-4a22-a156-4a71aa607b0f">Re: To ask or not to ask...</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>WP should be a knee-jerk reaction.  Who would you call to bury a body at 3 in the morning?  That's your WP.
</strong>Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

That was brilliant.  :)

trix1223

In Response to Re: To ask or not to ask...:
[QUOTE]WP should be a knee-jerk reaction.  Who would you call to bury a body at 3 in the morning?  That's your WP.  If you have to talk yourself into asking someone, they shouldn't be a bridesmaid. Besides, making someone a bridesmaid doesn't magically fix the relationship.  It just tends to make things worse.  If you want to be closer to her, the secret isn't to ask her to shell out a bunch of money in the name of your party.  Just start hanging out more.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

DED.  If I had a siggy, that would be in it!

OP:  If you've got any l'il doubts, then don't ask.  It's easier to ask later than to "un-ask" later.

hnmccormick

Thanks everyone for advice! It was very helpful!!

CA2MT4EveR: This isn't about "unasking" (which I would never do).  I haven't even asked her in the first place...I was seeking advice on whether or not to ask because we have mutual friends (who are my bridesmaids), and she was once a good friend and roommate. And I'm trying to avoid drama by upsetting her, etc.