Can I pick what they wear?

afolkert

If I have a personal attendant or mistress(es) of ceremonies, can I pick out their dresses? I would really like them to coordinate with the wedding party, yet remain separate in their role. They would not be the same as the bridesmaids.

gottahavashorti

No.  Particularly as that should be a position you hire someone for.

mbcdefg

If someone's not a bridesmaid, then you shouldn't be telling them what to wear. Let them pick their own attire. Or, if you insist on a certain dress, then you need to pay for it. It's not fair to not have someone be a bridesmaid, and then make them buy a certain outfit on top of that.

In your post below, you also said that you don't know what a MOC or a PA actually does, so I would REALLY encourage you not to ask someone to take these jobs. Especially if your idea of a Personal Assistant is someone to run errands or do jobs for you. That's not a way to honor someone, it's just putting someone to work, and it's a poor excuse for, "I didn't want you as a bridesmaid but I'm giving you a token job in an attempt to make you feel better" (however well-intentioned you might be).

lalap69

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_can-pick-wear?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:827c7826-727a-4966-ad55-e847828d15f2Post:66b6d9ff-da53-48af-b1d8-ff4f2bd82fc1">Can I pick what they wear?</a>:
[QUOTE]If I have a personal attendant or mistress(es) of ceremonies, can I pick out their dresses? I would really like them to coordinate with the wedding party, yet remain separate in their role. They would not be the same as the bridesmaids.
Posted by afolkert[/QUOTE]
No, you don't get to pick their attire.  Asking someone to be an MC is fine, but you don't get to pick what they wear as they are not part of the WP.  Don't ask anyone to be a personal attendant as you're basically asking someone to be your servant for the day, and there's no "honour" with that. 

CTGirl30

<p>I take it this is related to your post below about your FI's sister's hurt feelings about not being asked to be part of the WP?

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sister-law-slight?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:e10738e6-4544-4328-9cae-746da691188ePost:2862fc36-2f9c-482b-8fd2-678a788c75b6">Sister-in-law slight</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi All- So I am the type of person who does not like to be held by obligations, and do not want others to be either, but I recently learned that my sister-in-law to be was really hurt that we did not ask her to be in the wedding. I feel horrible that she feels this way, but my reasoning for not asking her to take on a duty in the first place is because we do not have a close relationship at all. It would be too late to add her as a bridesmaid, because I asked all of my other bridesmaids in September and the dresses are alrady out of stock. But I want to fix this!! What unique role could I ask her to play in the wedding. I know of Mistress of Ceremonies and Personal Attendant, but what exactly do those people do? She is a little conserative and introverted, might not be that great at grabbing the attention of an entire room, so I want to ask her to be a part of our day in a way that she would be comfortable. Any suggestions? -afolkert
Posted by afolkert[/QUOTE]

Personal attendant is a crappy "job" and not an honor so if you're looking for a way to include FSIL in a way to honor her this would not be it. I don't even know what a "Mistress of Ceremonies" would do, either, and neither did you in your post above so it doesn't really make sense to ask anyone to be that, does it? To be honest, it sounds like a Day of Coordinator - which is a paid position you hire someone to take on.

And if someone is not in the WP, you cannot dictate what they wear or tell them they need to coordinate. You didn't ask them to be part of the WP so this means that they can choose their own attire for the event. We have 2 readers (my two FSILs) and personally I do not care what they wear / what color, etc. I know they're 2 adult women who will be quite capable of dressing themselves appropriately for the occasion so it isn't something I'm worried about or trying to control.</p>

lalap69

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_can-pick-wear?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:827c7826-727a-4966-ad55-e847828d15f2Post:0250f534-2f1f-4e88-928d-530d00137bd9">Re: Can I pick what they wear?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't even know what a "Mistress of Ceremonies" would do, either, and neither did you in your post above so it doesn't really make sense to ask anyone to be that, does it? To be honest, it sounds like a Day of Coordinator - which is a paid position you hire someone to take on.
Posted by CTGirl30[/QUOTE]
I agree with all your other points, but I just wanted to clarify on my understanding of Mistress of Ceremonies because it's common in my experience to ask someone to do this and basically conduct or host the event.  So it involves standing up over the course of the night and talking, telling people what is happening when, etc.  Usually it's someone funny and outgoing who may or may not be part of the WP.  (If you don't ask someone to do this, I guess your DJ or band leader would do it.)

MyNameIsNot

If you are going to be ick enough to ask someone to be a Personal Attendant, go whole hog.  Make her wear a t-shirt that says "Staff" or "My friend is getting married, and all I got was this lousy crap job."

CTGirl30

Thanks for the clarification, lala. I was unfamiliar with the concept, obvs. :-)

trix1223

No.  The only people whose attire you get to choose are yourself and your WP.  If she didn't make the cut to be a BM, then you don't get to dress her~or even tell her to coordinate.

bablingbrooke

No.  Trust her to dress in the appropriate level of formality.  But you are not in charge of what everyone remotely involved in the wedding wears.  You won't even care on the day of anyway.  Don't micromanage everyone.

aerinpegadrak

No.  When I DOCed for my friend I also MCed her reception, and I chose to wear slacks and a blouse in her colors.  She made absolutely no mention of what I would be wearing.  Considering that I worked my little ass off, pants and work shoes were absolutely necessary.  Had she wanted me in a dress and heels, we would have had a problem.

Don't ask anyone to be your PA, it's REALLY hard work.  I volunteered to do it for my friend as a gift.

CathyPsyD

I would ask her to do a reading during the ceremony.  I have done that for friends' weddings and find the honor to be more meaningful than being a bridesmaid.  I know that others disagree with that.  Either way, you can't ask someone to wear a certain dress or color if they are not in the wedding party.