Best friend vs. Sisters as MOH?

amj287

I am torn in my decision about who to ask to be my maid of honor.  My first instinct was to choose my best friend, but after discussing this with my mother, she proceeded to tell me that I should ask my two sisters to be my honor attendants instead and that there would be hard feelings if I didn't choose them.  I understand my mother's point, and I really do not want to upset anyone, but I do not want to feel obligated to choose my sisters instead of my best friend.  My sisters and I should always be there for each other and be supportive in any circumstance, whether they are maids of honor or not.  Is it out of the ordinary to ask a best friend instead of a family member to be the maid of honor? 

stina93446

It's your call. I personally would pick your friend because that's your strong, first instinct. Your mom is TELLING you to pick your sisters. Go with your gut and stick to your guns. Your sisters will not be upset if you pick your friend. 

banana468

DH didn't pick his brother to be his BM but he was a GM.

I think it's fine to ask your best friend to be MOH and then to ask your sisters to be BMs.

gottahavashorti

DH's brothers were GM and his best friend was the Best Man, while my sister was MOH.  It was only an issue for MIL and even then was not strongly voiced as an issue to my knowledge.  The decision was half DH always having known that his best friend would be the Best Man, and half "well of course I wouldn't choose between my brothers" since he only had 3 attendants so 2 Best Men would have been awkward.

It's really up to you.  You could have the sisters be co-MOH, the best friend be MOH, or you could just call the entire bridal party "Honor Attendant."

NaughtyJ

I had the same problem with my mom. She wanted me to pick my sister just because she's my sister. But we haven't been real close lately, and it didn't feel right to ask her to be my MOH. So I am going with my gut and having my best friend instead. Just tell your mom it's your choice and just have your sisters as BMs.

mbcdefg

You wouldn't be wrong to pick your best friend, but another option if it'll avoid family drama would be to not have a MOH at all (and maybe take your friend out to dinner privately if you feel she's been really supportive).

You could divide up the MOH tasks between the three of them - one stands next to you at the ceremony, one signs the license, and the third gives the toast.

Manwaithiel

I've said this before and I don't think I'll ever get tired of saying it.

Parents can get really offended for their children very easily, it's completely illogical, but then again, I have no children so what do I know?

Just because your MOTHER says they'll be offended doesn't mean they'll be offended. Do you think your SISTERS would actually be offended or is this just something in your mom's head? My mom was completely convinced that my brother had some secret grudge against me because FI didn't ask him to be a GM. Though brother dear is a huge a** to both of us, my mom just couldn't understand why we would dig in our heels on this one. Of course brother couldn't care less. In fact, I think he hates our family in general. But here I am rambling...

I agree with Stage that the WP is the one thing FI and I wanted absolutely no input on. I understand "family drama" and the like but it's pretty much the one aspect of the wedding where you can say "This is our decision, not yours," and that doesn't happen a lot in the wedding planning process. There should at least be one part where you can make the decision without anyone else's (read: bad) opinion.

Edited for stupid typos.

JCM10

I'm having a friend as my MOH, not my sister. My sister is a bridesmaid, and not insulted at all...and I can't imagine her ever being mad about that. Although my sister and I are friends and fairly close, I have a completely different relationship with my best friends. 

simplebride_24

I wanted my sister to be my MOH, but when my parents tried to step in and say that my step sister whom I haven't seen or talked to in 3 years should be a BM I said no. I agree with a pp that this is an area where it is 100% your choice. They have no say!

KevinMegan1008

I made my two sisters my MOH's but then only winded up picking 3 girls (my 2 sisters and best friend) FI decided he only wanted 2 groomsmen so I might take away the titles all together and just have groomsmen and bridemaids.
I made the decision to pick my best friend for my son's godmother though & I caught grief from 1 of my sisters (the other understood) but at the end of the day I had several reasons for choosing my best friend and I went with my instinct. I am so happy I didn't just try to please people and I picked who I really wanted. You should really do the same. It's your decision. & my sister got over it pretty fast.

aurora2685

I don't have any sisters, so I can't really speak to you making a decision. However, I was MOH in a wedding last year and the bride's sister was a BM. She isn't that close to her sister so she decided she wanted me as MOH even though for years she felt she would HAVE to make her sister MOH. So it really is up to you, no matter what your mom says. You could also tell your mom you couldn't choose between your sisters as MOH so you're picking your best friend to avoid any of that drama. But in the end, it is your choice.

Adrini76

Do you need a MOH? Really?

I'm having 3 BM's and they are all getting tasks and jobs and spoilage from it. I couldn't pick between them if I tried. My FI is getting heat from my FMIL over a brother issue that sounds like yours. So we just removed all titles and they can argue with the brick wall. Not our problem. 

xjulie2188x

PP's idea is a good one - though I can see there being some arguement over eho will me the one who stands next to you and all that. However that would be extreemly childish and ridiculous.
It's your wedding & you should do what's right for you and if that means picking your friend then do it. Just sit down with your mom and explain to her that you really want your friend to be a part of your day and that you also don't have to pick one sister over the other (to stand next to you, hold the flowers, ect.) this way. I'm sure that your sisters will understand this too. Good luck! & I'm sure that everything will work out just fine!

rvasquez525

I'm doing the same thing as Adrini76.  I am also having 3 BMs and no MOH.  I am really close to my two sisters and my FSIL.  There is no way I could choose between the three, so they are all BMs who will share duties/tasks. 

amj287

Thanks for your feedback, everyone!  I haven't 100% decided what to do, but I think I may ask my friend to be my MOH and then call my sisters honor attendants.  I know it might not be the norm, but I think it may work for me.  I like the idea of sharing some of the tasks, and I really want my sisters to be very much a part of my wedding day.  I love them all very much, and my sisters will always be a big part of my life, but my best friend and I have a closer relationship and I want to be able to honor our friendship by asking her to be my MOH.  As long as my sisters know that they are very important to me and that I want them there, I think everything should be fine.  I will talk to my mom and each of them individually to make sure that everyone ends up happy!  Thanks again!

kjreed

This was also a tough decision for my FI, his brother is irresponsible so he chose his best friend as the BM and his brother is a GM.  My FMIL was upset at first, but it was his decision and once she learned his brother was still involved she calmed down.... go with your gut instinct it's your day!!! 

inlove0506

I'm glad I'm not the only person in this situation. I asked my best friend to be my MOH and ever since then my mom has always made snide little comments about it. Just tonight I told her to stop bringing in up and that I was tired of hearing it. My thing is, I have only three girls in the party. My sister was there for the wedding dress stuff, I'm sure they will work together planning and bridal shower, I just don't talk to my sister, we have nothing in common and don't see her putting in her input and calming my nerves on the big day.

So what I plan on doing is pretty much keeping everyone equal (another concept my traditional mother is having a hard time wraping her brain around). My MOH i think understands the situation and is fine with it. My sister has never said anything to me but thats because we don't really express our feelings and talk to begin with. I just don't know how I'm going to line the girls up. Since my FI is having his little brother as BM and my 'moh' husband is going to be a groomsmen I rather have my best friend stand next to me but I want her to walk down with her husband and my sister walk down with my FI brother so who knows