What to do....

MissDuke2012

Here lately we've been thinking about how we can help the WP with all the costs associated with our wedding. Understand, we have not picked anyone except the FG and RB (both of them are immediate family).

We've thought about giving each BM $75 toward their dresses and each GM $75 toward their tuxes or buy the shoes FI wants them all to wear (<-- just a thought right now). We would also pay for the girls hair if they want to have it done by my stylist being I won't require them to get their hair done.

Is there anything else they could possibly need help with? If you were in a WP what would you like help with?

CA2MT4EveR

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_what-to-do-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:83541901-ac21-47f9-acc4-bbce7e358939Post:e926f77b-f54d-4746-be97-1501b01e3f97">What to do....</a>:
[QUOTE]Here lately we've been thinking about how we can help the WP with all the costs associated with our wedding. Understand, we have not picked anyone except the FG and RB (both of them are immediate family). We've thought about giving each BM $75 toward their dresses and each GM $75 toward their tuxes or buy the shoes FI wants them all to wear (<-- just a thought right now). We would also pay for the girls hair if they want to have it done by my stylist being I won't require them to get their hair done. Is there anything else they could possibly need help with? If you were in a WP what would you like help with?
Posted by MissDuke2012[/QUOTE]

Well IF FI wants them to wear these shoes that are possibly not their style and will possibly never be worn again, then yes, you should buy them.  And IF you are requiring the girls to have their hair done a certain way or done by a pro, you need to pay.  As a BM, I expect to have to pay for a dress, and if you are willing to help then I am ok, so long as you asked me in the beginning what I could afford. 

But I would rather pay for my own things and have a better meal or alcohol than to have someone micromanage what my shoes, nails, hair, and jewelry should be by paying for those.

bablingbrooke

Get a dress within everyone's price range.  Ask for the budgets before you pick them out.  If you want to help with the cost, terrific.  That's not required of you but will definitely be appreciated.

I think you've got a good plan.  You're right not to require pro hair.  I would give guidelines for shoes, rather than make the BMs or GM buy specific ones (i.e. I told my BMs to wear any silver shoe of their choosing) so that they can use something they already own or buy something in their price range.  No one's going to be looking at their feet, anyway!  And if your WP is like mine everyone will end up barefoot by the end of the night anyway.

The best thing you can do for them is be mindful of their budgets when picking attire and to not require specific accessories or beauty stuff.  If you leave it optional, the people who want to do pro hair/makeup/expensive shoes will do it but those who don't want to or aren't able to can opt out without feeling bad.

Good luck!

MissDuke2012

We aren't requiring any hair or make up or anything. We just know its expensive to be in a wedding. The shoes thing, FI wants them to wear all black Pumas. That's his call. All of FI's friends have Pumas so its not that big of an issue, he just wants them to be new and black. He hates dress shoes, so no matter what he won't be wearing them.

I personally don't care what kind of shoes the BM's wear as long as they're comfortable.

My parents are paying for the food and alcohol. So it won't affect any of that.

mbcdefg

I think you should buy the GMs' shoes no matter what, if your FI wants specific shoes.

Other than that, I think giving them $75 is nice, if you can swing it. If not, don't worry about it. Just work with their budgets on getting dresses/tuxes, and don't require anything else ... they can figure out the rest on their own (getting jewelry, fixing their hair, finding a place to stay). Paying for their hair is a nice gesture as well, since you wouldn't be making it mandatory.

If they are having trouble paying for a hotel room, see if a relative can put them up in a spare room for a few days. Or see if any singles want to team up ... one of my BMs was going to rent a hotel room by herself, but a single female guest asked if I'd suggest to the BM that the two of them share a room, and the BM was happy to do it because it cut her cost in half.

You could also really hunt around for inexpensive dresses. BM dresses are rarely worn again, and once you think outside the box of "bridesmaid dresses" then you can find some really nice clothes for a good price. My BMs' dresses were from Ann Taylor, and you could also try Jcrew.com sales, department stores, maybe even thrift shops and consignment stores. Or let them all wear a black cocktail dress of their choice, or whatever color you want (pass out paint chips).

aerinpegadrak

I think you're fine.  Just get dress budgets from them before you choose something, and don't require anything specific beyond that.  That way, whatever they choose to spend beyond the dress is entirely at their own discretion.

jessienjeremy

I think it is generous of you to help with anything.  I just asked what everyone could afford dress wise and stayed at that.  Plus I am not requiring they do their hair or make up a certain way and For the Gift I am just giving them their jewelry to wear. THe boys are just getting plain ol tuxes.. We have 10 of each so its a little costly of us to help