When should I call?

bablingbrooke

The DW bride got married one month ago today.  DH and I sent her a card w/ a GC to the store where they were registered about a month before the wedding.  We have yet to receive any acknowledgement of it.  They did go on a HM right after the wedding.  I would like to know if they received it--is it too soon to ask?

mbcdefg

I'd hold off on asking directly. She might have waited to write out your TY note until the time when she was writing TY notes for the gifts she received at the actual wedding. (Yes, we both know that it would've been better to write you a note when she received the gift card the month before, but not everyone follows that etiquette.)

I think waiting until maybe the 4-month mark to ask directly is reasonable. (I got mine out by the 3-month mark.)

That's just assuming that you don't really call this girl to chat often. If you talk to her frequently, call her to say hello and see if you can find a way to subtley work it into the conversation, or wait to see if she mentions it ("Thanks for the Crate & Barrel GC, I'm planning to sit down next week to finish these TY cards!") 

bablingbrooke

It's so weird--she's barely been in touch since we RSVP'd no so I don't think I've spoken with her for more than a couple minutes since the wedding and she's never mentioned it.  

(Recap: She lives in Mass, where DH and I used to live, and now we live in So Cal and she got married in the central coast area, approx. 6-7 hours one-way from where we live in a VERY expensive area to stay, and we just weren't able to pull it off last month.  Had she gotten married this month it would have been a different story.  She's the one whose MOH assigned me a gift to send to the Mass. shower that I'd already RSVP'd no to and made people pay to attend 3 of the 4 days of pre- and post-wedding events.)  

aerinpegadrak

I think you can call her up to ask how the wedding and HM went and see if she mentions it. 

suz62984

I just see that as being awkward! This is the same girl that was talking to you about the wedding and had assumed you were coming right? Maybe she is mad that you guys didn't come and join the week long DW festivities::eye roll::. And if you sent it 1 month before the wedding shouldn't you have had something before the honeymoon. At least before this time (1 month after the wedding). I'd say go ahead and call but it will be weird i'm sure!

EDIT : Oh I like Aeron's idea

bablingbrooke

Yes, same gal.  Only one of our non-WP friends (out of about 15 couples invited) was able to go and he said it was a lot of fun.

I've wondered if she's upset about it, but then she'd be freezing out a lot of people if she's going to hold it against every friend who couldn't go, unless she thinks that we were "closer" to the site and therefore could have more easily attended (she thought we were only a couple hours away and in reality it's more like a day's drive each way) and is holding it against us for that reason.

  

All told just under half their guest list was able to attend, mostly due to the location.  I have wondered if she had to do it over she would have picked the same spot--she had the dream venue but only a handful of friends and family to share it with.

bablingbrooke

I've actually tried to talk to her about the wedding and ask her about it, and she's not really engaged me.  So I really think she's upset with me, because this is not like her.  But I honestly can't point to something I did wrong.

ashhalsey

Technically, they have up to a year for TY notes.Yes, she should've penned one right when she got it.  But, technically, you are not supposed to use a gift receieved before the wedding until after th wedding (I'm assuming that includes GC's).  So, give the girl some time and while it would be nice to get a "thank you," don't worry about getting your acknowledgement.  It's not really that big of a deal.

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_should-call?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:86a36278-4852-431c-86c4-8b48f2c8bc66Post:406028bb-4fc4-412e-a19c-2ad7de922a64">Re: When should I call?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Technically, they have up to a year for TY notes.</strong>Yes, she should've penned one right when she got it.  But, technically, you are not supposed to use a gift receieved before the wedding until after th wedding (I'm assuming that includes GC's).  So, give the girl some time and while it would be nice to get a "thank you," don't worry about getting your acknowledgement.  It's not really that big of a deal.
Posted by ashhalsey[/QUOTE]
Nope.  You have up to a year to give a wedding gift.  TYs should be sent out within a month of the HM or upon receipt of the gift before the wedding.  That's why I ask--technically I should have heard something two months ago or, at the very least, about now.

suz62984

I was about to say... you have up to a year to give thank you notes???? That sounded nuts to me.

bablingbrooke

It's unfortunately a really common misconception.

Let's say it was true, though, and you could wait a year without violating any etiquette rule.  Why would you wait a year to thank people for buying you presents?  Is it so arduous to spend five minutes and forty-four cents to thank someone for spending money on you?

suz62984

It seems that it would be harder to lose track of presents and thank you cards to be sent as well.

filaw

I was actually really confused about when I should send out thank yous because of the whole, "you're not supposed to use the gift thing."  I wrote them write away, because that's what everyone says to do, but then freaked out about whether or not I was supposed to send them.  (I asked online, and then ended up sending them because no one seemed to think anyone would be offended if they got a TY before the wedding.)

Anyway, my point is, she might honestly think she wasn't supposed to do it until after.  So assuming she waited till after the wedding, then left on her HM right away, I'd give her a month or so from after she got back from the HM.

Manwaithiel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_should-call?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:86a36278-4852-431c-86c4-8b48f2c8bc66Post:406028bb-4fc4-412e-a19c-2ad7de922a64">Re: When should I call?</a>:
[QUOTE]Technically, they have up to a year for TY notes.Yes, she should've penned one right when she got it.  But, technically, you are not supposed to use a gift receieved before the wedding until after th wedding (I'm assuming that includes GC's).  So, give the girl some time and while it would be nice to get a "thank you," don't worry about getting your acknowledgement.  It's not really that big of a deal.
Posted by ashhalsey[/QUOTE]

It's not about YOU getting your acknowledgement, it's about making sure USPS, UPS, or FEDEX didn't lose your stuff.

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_should-call?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:86a36278-4852-431c-86c4-8b48f2c8bc66Post:41933e28-7984-4511-b351-07f8eedc9a96">Re: When should I call?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: When should I call? : It's not about YOU getting your acknowledgement, it's about making sure USPS, UPS, or FEDEX didn't lose your stuff.
Posted by Manwaithiel[/QUOTE]
That's what I'm actually more concerned about, because it's really unlike her to not acknowledge a gift.  Like pp said, she may think that the wedding is different and she has more time.  But what's surprising me is that she didn't say, "Hey--guess what we got in the mail today!" which would have been typical.  But as well all know, peoples' behaviour around a wedding can be anything but typical ;)

Manwaithiel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_should-call?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:86a36278-4852-431c-86c4-8b48f2c8bc66Post:dcd5e0c8-60b6-4947-95f0-3d350417d27a">Re: When should I call?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: When should I call? : That's what I'm actually more concerned about, because it's really unlike her to not acknowledge a gift.  Like pp said, she may think that the wedding is different and she has more time.  But what's surprising me is that she didn't say, "Hey--guess what we got in the mail today!" which would have been typical.  But as well all know, peoples' behaviour around a wedding can be anything but typical ;)
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

My FI is actually going to go call his sister sometime this week to see if they received our gift. It was actually pretty pricey. I know for a fact that she thinks she has a year (wedding was last November) and so she very well may have gotten it and is using it right now, but I have no idea. I actually vented my frustrations on this subject on E last night. I was extremely grouchy, though, that was probably why it started irking more so than usual.

bablingbrooke

Yeah we talked last night and no mention of it in 20 minutes so I think I'll check in today.