"My dress doesn't fit yet."-told to me by 2 of my bridesmaids

April1Dawn

So, the bridesmaids dresses were ordered at the beginning of January for my 5 bridesmaids. When I got the call from the boutique that they had come in, I was excited and text everyone to set up a time to go out to lunch and try them on. Two of my 5 bridesmaids tell me the dress doesn't fit yet!!! I understand having weight loss goals, but really?!? With only 4 months to go, and only a 2 size leway to let the dresses out, what is the best way to approach this with them? It will take up to 6 weeks to get alterations back, or 3 months for a new dress! I don't want to be short tempered about it, but it is very frustrating!

jjolovich

Thats why you never order smaller, they can always make dresses smaller never larger...that was the bridesmaids faults, or boutiques. Sorry to  hear that...

April1Dawn

It's not about their diet, or weight, it's about them knowing that it takes 3 months to order them and still chancing it. Even if the alterations don't take more than two weeks my worry is that the two size let out won't be enough by chance. Then what? Maybe I'm being bitchy, but I feel that something should be said to the effect that they are responsible for a solution to the problem by a certain date. I stressed the fact that the dresses could be taken in up to 5 sizes and only let out 2 before they ordered. What would you do in the situation jcbsjr if you don't recommend  saying anything? I'm not shutting you down, just curious.

StephBeanWed61502

April, you need to let adults be adults.  It sounds like you already told them about the fact that the dresses can only be let out two sizes, and about the 3 month deadline for ordering a new dress, and about the length of time needed for alterations.  They already have ALL of the necessary information, and they're making their own decisions based on that information.  What else would you like to say to them?  "Hey b!tches, I think you're idiots for ordering smaller dresses?"  "Hey friend, I know you think you're going to lose weight but I don't think you are so I think you need to order a new, bigger dress to make sure your fat ass is covered on my wedding day?"  Would you like to nag them weekly until they cave and order a new dress or (in the more likely scenario) tell you to fvck off and drop out of your wedding?  You know darned well none of that is acceptable. 

JCB's point, and mine, is that you cannot tell adults what to do.  All you can do is give them the necessary information - which it sounds like you already have - and then leave them alone.  You've told them what they need to know.  Let them figure it out for themselves.

(Also, general guideline for life - if you can't figure out a nice way to say something to someone, that's a pretty solid indication that it's something you shouldn't be saying at all.  YWIA.)

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_my-dress-doesnt-fit-yet-told-to-me-by-2-of-my-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:8773acbd-742e-4176-8bdc-9653d71455bfPost:bc0df039-3f6f-484d-8d5a-52cad2ffa3aa">Re: "My dress doesn't fit yet."-told to me by 2 of my bridesmaids</a>:
[QUOTE]April, you need to let adults be adults.  It sounds like you already told them about the fact that the dresses can only be let out two sizes, and about the 3 month deadline for ordering a new dress, and about the length of time needed for alterations.  They already have ALL of the necessary information, and they're making their own decisions based on that information .  What else would you like to say to them?  "Hey b!tches, I think you're idiots for ordering smaller dresses?"  "Hey friend, I know you think you're going to lose weight but I don't think you are so I think you need to order a new, bigger dress to make sure your fat ass is covered on my wedding day?"  Would you like to nag them weekly until they cave and order a new dress or (in the more likely scenario) tell you to fvck off and drop out of your wedding?  You know darned well none of that is acceptable.  JCB's point, and mine, is that you cannot tell adults what to do .  All you can do is give them the necessary information - which it sounds like you already have - and then leave them alone.  You've told them what they need to know.  Let them figure it out for themselves. (Also, general guideline for life - if you can't figure out a nice way to say something to someone, that's a pretty solid indication that it's something you shouldn't be saying at all .  YWIA.)
Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]

All of this.

You give them the necessary information and then the ball is in their court.  No hand holding ncessary.

TiffannieF

lol.

Listen to steph and and jcb.  But yes, I would understand your frustrations.  Why do girls get so wacky with dress sizes?  I'll be honest I'm more on the plus size (actually my wedding gown was the first size in plus sizes so it cost me an extra $100)...I was a little disappointed but I wasn't about to say give me a 16 then look horrible in my dress or put myself on some diet that I know I won't stick to.

No one see's the size number, they see how you fit into it.  Why do people make such a big deal about this?

mbcdefg

I'm sure they know they fuccked up. They don't need you to point it out to them, and it won't do anything besides start an argument. So just keep quiet and let them figure it out.

graysquirrel

I agree with pps. Although I know that it must be driving you mad, there really isn't a nice way to go about it. If they already know how long alterations take and the ordering info, it is in their court. If worst came to worst, they will either take themselves out of your WP or you could always allow them to find another dress off of the rack that would work with your color scheme.

pkontk

I think they already know they're responsible for either getting the dress tailored or getting another dress (or losing the necessary weight).  You don't have to tell them.

sbelle85

I am surprised the boutique allowed this to happen in the first place. We ended up not going with a traditional "bridesmaid dress" (it's a formal 'off-the-rack' dress from Banana Republic), but when we were looking, all of the boutiques I spoke to were adamant about the fact that they WILL NOT order a dress in a smaller size than you measure at the time of the fitting.

Hopefully your girls will be able to fit into the dresses, but if not, they're the ones who will look foolish. Not you.

megsch88

Say nothing. They have the information they need. If at this point you tell them they need to lose weight or hound them about fitting in their dresses (something they already know), you are going to have a bunch of missing BMs for the big day.

Fancypantsamy

Not really much to add, but I did the opposite of your bridesmaids a while back. I was in a girl's early summer wedding, and I was measured for the dress in January. I live in a northern area, so in winter I tend to gain a bit of weight, that I started loosing in the spring (eating grilled vegetables instead of pastas for dinner, biking to work every day) - and then two weeks before her wedding, on a whim tried on the dress... and realized it was too big.

I went and got emergency alterations done at a non bridal shop tailor and never said anything to the bride. Anything can get done quickly if you're willing to pay for it. Just remember, it's her problem, not yours. She's the one who will be packed into an ill fitting dress if she doesn't get her act together.

MrsMeganL2012

I agree with the PPs.....you really can't say anything.  But I get your frustration.  I've seen too many times where people just don't seem to care, and when it comes down to the last minute, they expect you to fix it all.  And now the stress is put back on you to find a solution (as if you have all the time in the world) or remove them from the party (much easier said than done I'm sure).  If only people would think through their decisions.