Not a fan of Potential Groomsman

melissa6k

Hey there,

My fiance and I are in the process of picking our wedding party - we have it all worked out except for 1.  I am planning on having 3 bridesmaid and he wants 3 -4 groomsmen.  My problem is one of his picks.  They have been friends since Junior high but have not talked for 2 years and have just recently started talking this year (they have hung out about twice and talked maybe 3 times in the last 7 months.)  They got into a huge fight and they were a lot of hurt feelings but guys tend to forget about this easily.  The other issue is 2 of the other groomsmen don't  like him (for a similar fight) and my bridesmaid don't really like him either.  He has a lying issue (which everyone acknowledges but just ignores since he has always been that way) and is pretty unreliable. 

If he drops down to 3 groomsmen he plans on keeping the guy i am not a fan of and dumping a guy that we regularly hangout with almost every weekend and I like.  Any thoughts??  Should I just give up since they are his groomsmen or is there a nice way that we can work this out?

THanks everyone and sorry for the long post

emilykathleen511

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_not-fan-of-potential-groomsman?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:88e89514-fc9f-4a1a-b335-491542d88880Post:b58cf082-9138-4353-9002-457b738eea0e">Not a fan of Potential Groomsman</a>:
[QUOTE]Hey there, My fiance and I are in the process of picking our wedding party - we have it all worked out except for 1.  I am planning on having 3 bridesmaid and he wants 3 -4 groomsmen.  My problem is one of his picks.  They have been friends since Junior high but have not talked for 2 years and have just recently started talking this year (they have hung out about twice and talked maybe 3 times in the last 7 months.)  They got into a huge fight and they were a lot of hurt feelings but guys tend to forget about this easily.  The other issue is 2 of the other groomsmen don't  like him (for a similar fight) and my bridesmaid don't really like him either.  He has a lying issue (which everyone acknowledges but just ignores since he has always been that way) and is pretty unreliable.  If he drops down to 3 groomsmen he plans on keeping the guy i am not a fan of and dumping a guy that we regularly hangout with almost every weekend and I like.  Any thoughts??  Should I just give up since they are his groomsmen or is there a nice way that we can work this out? THanks everyone and sorry for the long post
Posted by melissa6k[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Sorry, but he gets to pick his side, and you get to pick yours.

</div>

bablingbrooke

Just like he doesn't get veto power over your BMs, you don't get veto power over his GM.  So long as he doesn't do anything to you, you don't get to trash his friends to him. 

suz62984

I agree with Brooke. Why ditch another Gm for this guy though. Uneven sides are common. Please let him know that. It is bitchy on your FI's part to demote people.

jagore08

[QUOTE]Should I just give up since they are his groomsmen
Posted by melissa6k[/QUOTE]

<div>Yes.</div>

trix1223

He picks his WP.  You pick your WP.  You don't have to like his GM.  He does.

Beachy730

i agree with PP's that its his choice who he has.  The only thing I can suggest is having a conversation with him about your feelings on this.  You can't really argue with him, or cause a scene if he doesn't accept your take on it though.  When is your wedding?  if you are still awhile away from it, you might want to wait on asking your WP just in case things change, and it might give him time to realize what his friendship is with him now.

But at the end of the day, it is his choice.  Even if they got into a huge fist fight that left your FI in the hospital for a week or something, if he has forgiven him and wants to have him in the wedding, you have to accept that. 

balasj

Technically it is his choice but definitely worth you clearly explaining your thoughts and concerns.  Hopefully he will see your side of things and make the right decision.  If you can wait a little longer, too, maybe give the subject a break for a while and revisit after a while and then he may have changed his opinion anyway.

aerinpegadrak

If this guy has ever physically assaulted you, yes, you get veto power.  Otherwise, suck it up.  Sides don't have to be even, and you don't really get to tell him no.  Would you want him telling you that he doesn't want you to have a particular bridesmaid?

mbcdefg

If he's abusive, a thief, a drug dealer, etc., speak up.

If he's just annoying, you don't need to like him but I wouldn't say anything to your FI. Being annoying isn't a crime.

LD1970

Yeah, he gets to pick.

Even if he's a twit and a liar, it likely won't affect your wedding, so try not to worry about it too much.

happy_sarah

I understand how you feel but he gets to pick his side of the wedding party. Just like he can't tell you who should be a bridesmaid.