how close to the wedding is too close to ask BMs?

HisCB

so i know for a fact that my sister will be my MOH and my kid sister will be a BM, but i also have 2 sisters in laws (my brothers wives) that i would also like to ask, as i am close to both of them.
the problem is, my other brother has a girlfriend (they have a kid together) they say theyre getting married, (but shes still technically married to her older daughters father and they dont have rings or any wedding money or wedding plans in place) im not confident that they will be together come our time for our wedding in October. their relationship is kinda rocky... if they are, and if i decide to include the other SILs, i would like to honor her as a BM also.

how do i approach this, do i just wait a while longer to ask the other SILs. do i ask all 3 as soon as i decided, and assume that if her and my bro break up, it will be appropriate to un-ask her?

i dont want her to know that i dont have confidence in their relationship...

blackfire5th

The only time constraint for a bm is ordering the dress.  I believe that David's Bridal recommends ordering 2-3 months before the wedding, so I would say you should ask by at least 4 months out.

However, if her being a bm is contingent on their relationship, I just wouldn't ask her at all.  Your bm are those that are closest to you, those people that you couldn't imagine not having by your side at your wedding.

It really doesn't matter when you ask her because it is possible that they could break up one week before your wedding or even one day!  Your SIL's may decide to divorce your brothers sometime in the future, so you don't even know if they will always be in your family.

Like I said, you either want her or you don't, quit making it about if she is going to be part of your family because you never really know.  Just make that decision and ask them all within the next couple months.

lalap69

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_close-wedding-close-ask-bms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:8c9b18b1-d70d-4628-a705-29a74d7bfcbfPost:c6d309bb-9795-4158-8288-fdeb589bf1d0">how close to the wedding is too close to ask BMs?</a>:
[QUOTE]so i know for a fact that my sister will be my MOH and my kid sister will be a BM, but i also have 2 sisters in laws (my brothers wives) that i would also like to ask, as i am close to both of them. the problem is, my other brother has a girlfriend (they have a kid together) they say theyre getting married, (but shes still technically married to her older daughters father and they dont have rings or any wedding money or wedding plans in place) im not confident that they will be together come our time for our wedding in October. their relationship is kinda rocky... if they are, and if i decide to include the other SILs, i would like to honor her as a BM also. how do i approach this, do i just wait a while longer to ask the other SILs. do i ask all 3 as soon as i decided, and assume that if her and my bro break up, it will be appropriate to un-ask her? i dont want her to know that i dont have confidence in their relationship...
Posted by HisCB[/QUOTE]
Just ask the people who are closest to you and this won't be an issue.  Waiting until the last possible moment to ask because you're worried that people's relationships will change sounds stressful.  If you're that worried, best not to ask at all. 

Would you be asking your SILs just because they are married to your brothers?  If so, maybe you should just ask your brothers to stand up on your side instead.

jenn.daniel

Don't ask her if it's just because she's in a relationship with your brother.

HisCB

thanks a bunch!
 im not having her only because shes like a SIL to me, her and i have gotten close, i do consider her my friend. i would chose my other sils slightly because they are family and mostly because they are friends.
good point about the other SILs potentially not being part of the family in 200 days, but highlly unllikely and theyve been part of the familly for so long (like 7 years each), id lwant them standing for me anyway. not the case with my bro's gf. so i guess that answers my question.
my brothers are going to give me away, and i dont want them as bridesmen.

hmm so hypothetically they're together (married or not), we're friends, how might i honor our friendship and her place in my family, in a way that has less potential for drama if she and him dont make it till october?