Will you be my...?

DivaSeida10

j

Manwaithiel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_will?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:92741c8a-e296-4e8b-b5b9-c1d15713863fPost:74a4a7c6-8cb6-4249-b8df-e70d79f7ac25">Re: Will you be my...?</a>:
[QUOTE]It doesn't need to be a big production-- I just wanted to do something out of the ordinary for them. I have heard of some nice things that people have done to ask their bridesmaids. I am not asking a complete and total stranger to come up with the EXACT WAY TO ASK THEM-- I asked for an idea. If you don't have one- you didn't have to comment. Thanks.
Posted by DivaSeida10[/QUOTE]

Attitude problem, much? First of all, stop typing in caps unless you're trying to SCREAM THE WORDS AT US.

Second of all, Aerin is right. We don't know your people. This question gets asked at least 10 times a day and we're still at a loss as to how we're supposed to come up with creative things for people we don't know.

Manwaithiel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_will?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:92741c8a-e296-4e8b-b5b9-c1d15713863fPost:4e5347b7-c436-4b2b-8ef8-9d4bf964f89b">Re: Will you be my...?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't have an attitude. However, I do have a problem with someone commenting on a post asking for help with a non-helpful answer. Why comment if you aren't offering assistance? Manwaithiel I wasn't offended by the way you said what you said, but I was by the way Aerin commented, because there was nothing helpful about the post. I asked for an idea, for assistance, for help. I know that millions of people ask this question which is why I wanted to make it special. I know there is only so far you can take this, but I am open to IDEAS. And no I am not yelling-- I just want to stress the words that are in caps. But I wasn't aware of theknot.com etiquette -so thanks for informing me. For future references though, if anyone else doesn't have ideas-- please don't comment. Thanks.
Posted by DivaSeida10[/QUOTE]

Caps equaling yelling is a internet etiquette thing, not a knot thing.

You need to stop telling people whether or not they're allowed to post. It's a public forum. Anyone can post whatever they want as long as it's not offensive in language or someone being a bigot or some nonsense. You telling people not to post is the attitude thing I was referring to.

Getting the phone call and getting asked to be in a WP is a wonderful feeling, so my girls tell me. I've never been asked to be in anyone's WP and I've never had that experience, but I would love to just get a phone call. It's not like you're proposing to them.

mgietler76

I agree that you don't need to make it special. This is how it went for me:
ME: Hey FSIL
FSIL: Hey
ME: Wanna be a BM?
FSIL: Yea!
ME: Sweet

Whatever your reason's for wanting them to stand tell them. I've seen other girls make cutsy cards to ask as well. You also have to remember that you are posting on an international message board and as such you can't control what people post. This is why it is suggested you lurk first before posting because 9 times out of 10 your question has been asked and answered.

mbcdefg

I just asked.

HOW DO I FORMALLY ASK THEM

Did you already ask them? You say they "already know" they're in your wedding ... are they just correctly assuming that you'll ask them? Or have you said, "Will you be a bridesmaid in my wedding?" in some form or another? I'm not sure why you're saying that there's a need to "formally" ask them ... why wasn't it good enough the first time? Did you not ask at all, or do you feel that you need to ask in a better way?

SO THAT THEY FEEL SPECIAL AND KNOW WHAT AN HONOR IT IS FOR ME TO ASK THEM?

I would tread lightly here, especially with the "It's an honor for me to be asking them" thing. It IS an honor to be asked to be in a wedding, but they're also doing YOU a big favor by agreeing to be in your wedding. I think that, if you've already asked them, asking them a second time is going to make it seem like you take your wedding WAY too seriously, and they might be put off by this (again, especially if you place a lot of emphasis on "I want you to feel honored because I'm bestowing this honor upon you" ... even if you don't mean it that way, they may very well take it that way).

A wedding is an important thing, but the marriage is the most important part. Just be careful that you're not placing a ton of importance on a one-day party and your friends' role in it ... and I think it may come across that way if you ask these girls a second time to be your bridesmaids. If they already said yes the first time, then they may be confused by a second request. 

How can I make it personable to them?

That depends on their personalities, so we can't help you with that because we don't know them. If you think about things they like (sappy scrapbooks or cards, a fun night out at a club or bar, quiet and simple things, something silly like bowling or inside jokes), then you will probably think of something suitable.

trix1223

If you don't like aerin's advice, you're probably not going to like mine either, but I'll put it out there. 

The honor is in being asked, not in how you're asked.  Will your friends and family really be less thrilled to get a phone call asking them to stand with you at your wedding than if you send them a cookie shaped like a dress?  I don't think so.

Being asked WILL be memorable and special, because you're asking people you love, and who presumably love you back to be part of one of the very special days in your life.  Isn't that enough?  They're going to remember when and where you asked them because you asked them.  That's all.

This is the start of the wedding industry doing their very best to convince you that unless you spend money to make every freakin' thing about your wedding some kind of "production", your wedding won't be memorable, special, unique, interesting, personal, or incredible.  And that's just not so.  Not at all.

Of course you can spend additional money, time, and effort on something that will yield EXACTLY the same result as a phone call, or asking over a cup of coffee will.  Your choice.

And btw:  you don't get to tell people how to respond.  The minute you hit the post button, you put a post out there that anyone can respond to in any way they'd like.  There was really no need to get snotty about it.

Oh, and if your wedding's a year away, I wait until around Christmas to ask anyone.  No need to ask a year in advance.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_will?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:92741c8a-e296-4e8b-b5b9-c1d15713863fPost:61543914-ec1a-42c7-a910-f9b4e1bdcc32">Re: Will you be my...?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, so I just joined theknot.com a while ago as you can see. I was very excited to join and start posting and things, but honestly.... you guys are focused more on the drama you're creating than my question. I thought this was a site where brides encourage and help other brides-- not where they get rude and snooty with them. I didn't think it was rude to tell people if they don't have anything positive to say don't post. Why? Because if I'm reading someone's post and I have no advice to offer them- I'm going to just leave that post alone. I am asking for help! That's the point of this post-- I do appreciate the ideas and thoughts that have been posted in response to my question in the first place. But I am honestly a drama free person- and I don't do the arguing thing. So at this point-- forget about answering anything. I don't need any answers anymore. Whoever wants to post can post where ever whenever! It doesn't matter to me anymore.
Posted by DivaSeida10[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>You need to calm down.</div><div>
</div><div>"Don't try to make a huge production out of everything" is actually really great advice.  In about a year, you'll realize that.  This IS helpful.  It may not be what you want to hear, but it's what you need to know.

</div>

tldh

You really aren't going to like my answer then either.  If you make a big production out of it, you're sending a message to the girls that you have the makings of a bridezilla.  What's going to be running through their heads is going to be, "If she's making this big of a deal over something that could have been done over the phone, what is she going to be like in the planning process for the actual wedding?!?!?"

Personally, I took SIL to look at my wedding dress and then told her to pick out whatever dress she wanted to wear because I'd like her to be the MOH.

Last thing, don't try to tell people what they can and cannot answer.  This is a public forum and we don't answer only for you, we answer for others who might also have the same question.  Would you rather we tell you something is a bad idea or let you do something that will have people talking behind your back.  If it's the latter, there are other sites that will never criticize a thing that you do.

tldh

Also, you may want to check out the thread a couple down called "Married Ladies, what went wrong."  Seriously, read through the whole thing.

mgietler76

You need to get a feel for the boards first, what questions have been asked a million times etc. And don't take anything people say that you don't like personally, there's really no point.

trix1223

diva:  here's another thing you probably just learned about the Knot boards.  Once you've been quoted your words don't go away.  So even though you deleted your posts, they are still here for the world to see and comment on.

It's considered very poor form to DD (Dirty Delete) here, because believe it or not, you're not at all unique.  The question you asked is asked probably at least 5 times a week.  And while some get themselves into a snit about the answers, there are many who come back and say "You're right.  Thanks for the reality check."

Ask most of the regs here and they'll tell you that they were given tough love on at least one post early on.  Because that's what we're about:  tough love.  We don't have a vested interest in keeping your feelings from getting hurt.

We'll tell you what others are thinking and saying behind your back.  We'll say it to your face.   You should probably thank us.

If you do want a more "puppies, kitties, and rainbows" board, may I suggest that you try your local area board, or weddingwire?  They'll mostly validate every bad suggestion and opinion that you have.   It won't be as helpful, but it sounds like you could be happier with validation instead of actual constructive criticism.

GL

MyNameIsNot

Clearly, you are calm.