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Step children duties

kaseandmikekaseandmike
First Comment
in Wedding Party
Hey!  My fiance and I have finally set a date (2 and a half years in the making!), and I find myself needing advice regarding the roles his children (soon to be our children) will play in the ceremony.  His daughter will be 16, and his son will be 9.  We have lived together for 2 and a half years now, so we are already together as a family.  I was planning to have our daughter be a junior bridesmaid.  I don't know, however, now how to include our son. 2 years ago when he was 6, was the perfect time for him to be a ring bearer.  I fear he is much too old (and looks 2-3 years older anyway) for this duty.  Thoughts on a role for him?

Also - I want to incorporate them into the ceremony, but they do not have a relationship with their birth mother (our son doesn't even know her), and I have been his only real mom since he was 2.  As I said, we already live together as a family, so I am wondering if anyone else has been through this, or has ideas?!?

THANK YOU! :)
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Re: Step children duties

  • jaimed99jaimed99 member
    500 Comments
    His son can be a groomsman (Jr. isn't necessary, as he would do the same things that the other GMs do, just as your FSD will be doing the same things that your BMs are doing) or an usher. He can also just sit there and watch...it's just as much an honor to be a guest as an honor attendant, and I'm sure he'll be happy just seeing you two make it official!
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  • ManwaithielManwaithiel member
    1000 Comments
    Have you asked the kids what they would like to do? Because, you know, they're not required to participate if they don't want to.
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  • kaseandmikekaseandmike
    First Comment
    They are both very excited!  When I came home from work last night, our "little guy" drew me a picture, and when he showed it, it was of his dad and I getting married. Complete with me in a dress and Daddy in a tux.  It was adorable!  I know they both want to do anything and everything. 

    Thanks for the ideas of just having him be a groomsman.  I think he will like the responsiblity!  Plus, since he is insanely tall - almost 5 foot now at 8 years - I think he'll fit in!  I am planning to have our 15 year old help with the shower, and participate in all the activities.  She is so excited to be on wedding duty! 
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  • The Mel and Todd ShowThe Mel and Todd Show
    1000 Comments
    We have asked both of our sons (ages 9 and 2 at the time of the wedding) to be ring bearers.  We wanted to include them, but didn't want them to feel uncomfortable or "on the spot" during the ceremony by giving them additional tasks to perform.  We are wording our invitations with our children listed as the hosts (Thing 1 and Thing 2 invite you to the marriage of their parents...) but that's as far as we're taking it.  I think you need to gauge the level of participation that they're comfortable with, and go from there. 
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  • 8daysaweek8daysaweek member
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary
    I just want to say that I really love that you called them *our son, our daughter*. I had a really cruel stepmother growing up so it really warms my heart when I see women who think of their stepkids as "theirs."
    I think groomsman and bridesmaid are great ideas but talking to them about what they're comfortable doing is a good idea so they are prepared to be standing in fornt of everyone at the ceremony, etc.; just things that might make kids a bit nervous.
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  • ekelly83ekelly83 member
    Third Anniversary 10 Comments
    We are each getting a bigger family when we marry too. I have two children and he has two children. Our sons (agaes 8 and 10) are going to walk our moms down the isle. (My son walk my mom and his son walk his mom) This way they are part of and still get to wear the exact same tux as my groom!
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  • kaseandmikekaseandmike
    First Comment
    I apologize if it sounded like I was planning to throw myself a shower - it is just one thing that she had asked to help with. I plan to "pass her off" to whomever decides to throw a shower. 

    Thank you for the idea of throwing out the junior part!  I thought it was the appropriate way to go, but I would just as soon have her be considered a bridesmaid. She'll be 16 after all!! 

    Thanks all for the posts!  Since I see people answer them regularly, I hope to ask lots more questions! :)
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  • csousa1csousa1 member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    My mom and stepdad (REAL dad in my eyes) got married when I was 10 and my sister was 8. We were my mother's only BM's, and my 10 and 8 year old cousins (dad's only nephews) were his only GM's. They were getting married in their mid-30's, both the second time around, with an entirely pre-teen wedding party. There are no rules - you should do whatever you want :) Obviously, I think it is AWESOME that you are including them!
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  • csousa1csousa1 member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    Oh and also, I do agree that checking with them is important (although it sounds liek you already have and they are very excited!) and in case it makes a difference, I was a very shy kid, as was my 10 year old cousin (the 8 year olds ran the show) at the time of the wedding, but NONE of us felt nervous that day - just really really happy and proud :)
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