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What to do about underage BM?

So, my 18 year old cousin is a bridesmaid in our wedding in June. I am concerned about the b-party because she thinks she is going to be going out around downtown Chicago with her fake ID. This doesn't fly with me because what are we going to do if/when she doesn't get in somewhere and what if it gets to the point where she gets arrested (I have seen it happen). She won't take no for an answer on this. My sister, who is also a bridesmaid, keeps encouraging my cousin to go and says that it is ok. My sister also has a lot of problems of her own and doesn't like me, so I feel that she is agreeing with my cousin just to upset me. For the first part of the b-party, we are getting ready and having games etc at our hotel and then going to dinner. I don't understand how to convince my cousin to stay for the first part and go home after dinner with my aunt. There are other underagers coming to dinner and they are going home after, it wasn't an issue. I don't know what to do!
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Re: What to do about underage BM?

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_underage-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:95ec1267-f97e-4eed-8d16-c6d931916dd0Post:6ffbca5e-3461-4926-81e5-1bb6e1e5d4fb">What to do about underage BM?</a>:
    [QUOTE]So, my 18 year old cousin is a bridesmaid in our wedding in June. I am concerned about the b-party because she thinks she is going to be going out around downtown Chicago with her fake ID. This doesn't fly with me because what are we going to do if/when she doesn't get in somewhere and what if it gets to the point where she gets arrested (I have seen it happen). She won't take no for an answer on this. My sister, who is also a bridesmaid, keeps encouraging my cousin to go and says that it is ok. My sister also has a lot of problems of her own and doesn't like me, so I feel that she is agreeing with my cousin just to upset me. For the first part of the b-party, we are getting ready and having games etc at our hotel and then going to dinner. I don't understand how to convince my cousin to stay for the first part and go home after dinner with my aunt. There are other underagers coming to dinner and they are going home after, it wasn't an issue. I don't know what to do!
    Posted by MyWedding13[/QUOTE]

    Decline the party. Tell them if they don't want to do it legally, then you're not going to do it at all and they go participate in the delinquency of a minor all by themselves.

    And where is her mother in all this?
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    Your other BMs should think of something else to do for the bachelorette party that doesn't involve your cousin using a fake ID.

    She isn't a little kid, so it's a little insulting to have her 'go home after dinner with your aunt'. I know if I were part of a bridal party when I was 18 and the bride had me go home after dinner, I'd feel a bit left out. Even though she isn't of drinking age, she should still be able to have fun with you guys.
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    Her mother, my parents all don't think it is a "big deal". Now mind you, if the underager was me (if this situation was reversed) then it would be no way, no how and I would not be allowed to go.
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    Why is it any of your business?

    I get that you're concerned for her ... but ... she's an ADULT. She's 18. That means that she's old enough to make her own decisions and then live with the consequences. She knows a fake ID can get her caught, so if she chooses to use it to get into bars then she's the one running that risk.

    You're not her mother and you can't boss her around. If your aunt knows the situation, it's up to her to take her daughter out of that situation if need be.

    Who's hosting the bachelorette? You can ask the hostess to maybe consider an 18+ club or something instead of a flat-out bar, where your cousin can legally get in but not drink.

    If you've talked to your cousin about this and she still won't budge, I would just say, "Fine, you're an adult and you need to be responsible for yourself. I suggest that you bring enough cash for cab fare, because if they toss you out of the bar we're not interrupting our plans to take you home."
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    That is actually a good idea, to tell her to bring enough money for a cab. I know this sounds selfish, but I don't want this party ruined by her getting kicked out and expecting us to go with her.
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    tldhtldh member
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    edited December 2010
    Tell everyone involved that if the 18 y/o is coming then you aren't.  What they are proposing is against the law and if she is caught, every one of you can be charged with contributing to the delinquincy of a minor.  This isn't something to play around with.

    EDIT:  Missed that she is 18 and now an adult (morning brain),  Even removing the criminal charges, if she's an adult she should be enough of a big girl to understand that she should bow out after the dinner.
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    AKA GoodLuckBear14
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    Ditto malphabet.

    The bachelorette plans sound really unfair to her.  Come out for a bit and then go home like a child.  Especially since she already has a fake id, I can understand why she would really want to come and not be left out.

    You either need to decline the party, ask for a party that everyone can attend, or let your cousin make her own decisions like the adult she is
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    Wait, let me clarify something though ...

    Is the hostess insiting on only going to places that are 21+? In that case, I think it's rude for her to plan an event that certain BMs would be excluded from. I'd equate it to the same thing as planning to go to a place with no wheelchair ramp, and telling a handicapped bridesmaid, "Oh well, too bad, see you later!" You should talk to her and ask her to find an 18+ place so your cousin can get in but not drink. I agree with those who said she'd feel like a giant baby if you sent her home with her mom halfway through the party.

    But if you mean that you're already going to places that you don't need to be 21+, and the cousin is going to try and drink anyway (like if you go to a regular restaurant and she's trying to get some wine or something) ... then that's the point where I'd tell her you don't approve, and if she won't listen then say, "Fine, but if you get caught then you're on your own." This is what I assumed you meant by the original post.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_underage-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:95ec1267-f97e-4eed-8d16-c6d931916dd0Post:b812e31f-04fa-442e-88e2-bd40e1245d61">Re: What to do about underage BM?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ditto malphabet. The bachelorette plans sound really unfair to her.  Come out for a bit and then go home like a child.  Especially since she already has a fake id, I can understand why she would really want to come and not be left out. You either need to decline the party, ask for a party that everyone can attend, or let your cousin make her own decisions like the adult she is
    Posted by lalap69[/QUOTE]

    It may be unfair to her but to ask the BMs to change their plans to accomodate just her really isn't fair to them or the bride.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_underage-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:95ec1267-f97e-4eed-8d16-c6d931916dd0Post:f9ec09c8-60ab-4f2c-8b9d-4678298103a4">Re: What to do about underage BM?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: What to do about underage BM? : It may be unfair to her but to ask the BMs to change their plans to accomodate just her really isn't fair to them or the bride.
    Posted by tldh[/QUOTE]
    Well, it could just mean not heading out to bars after the restaurant (staying there and hanging out instead) or going to clubs that are 18+ rather than 21+.  I think it's rude to plan an event that this BM can't attend.

    I remember what it was like to be 18 and away at university where all my friends were 19.  (This was back when Ontario had a grade 13, so everyone went to university later.  Except I fast-tracked, so I got there while still underage.)  Being left out all the time so that everyone could go out drinking SUCKED.  I really feel for this BM.
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    tldhtldh member
    First Comment
    edited December 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_underage-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:95ec1267-f97e-4eed-8d16-c6d931916dd0Post:e965fd3d-2f89-4a9d-abbc-5dc8fe658a88">Re: What to do about underage BM?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: What to do about underage BM? : Well, it could just mean not heading out to bars after the restaurant (staying there and hanging out instead) or going to clubs that are 18+ rather than 21+.  I think it's rude to plan an event that this BM can't attend. I remember what it was like to be 18 and away at university where all my friends were 19.  (This was back when Ontario had a grade 13, so everyone went to university later.  Except I fast-tracked, so I got there while still underage.)  Being left out all the time so that everyone could go out drinking SUCKED.  I really feel for this BM.
    Posted by lalap69[/QUOTE]

    I was 17 and in college so I get where you are coming from.  I also know that I hated the 18+ clubs even when they were all I could get into. You couldn't have paid me to set foot in them again when I hit 21.  I have a cousin like the one OP is describing and would be digging in my heels about this also.  She always thought she was above the laws in this area and didn't think she was ruining anything when she'd get caught and make a huge scene. 

    EDIT:  I am also under the impression that the underage BM is planning on using the fake ID to drink.
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    ManwaithielManwaithiel member
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    edited December 2010
    Speaking as someone who worked in a bar, if they find a fake ID with an 18 year old in a group of 21 year olds, they just kick out the whole group. It's a hard sell to say you had "no idea" your friend wasn't 21 and you're all considered troublemakers and dangers to their ABC license. So they just kick everyone out. So even if she INSISTS on coming and they catch her, they'll probably give everyone heat for it. I'm not saying it will happen that way, but it's entirely possible.

    I also think it's unfair to plan a bachelorette party where certain ones get excluded. You can go out and drink with your of age friends at any time. You usually only get one bachelorette party.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_underage-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:95ec1267-f97e-4eed-8d16-c6d931916dd0Post:ea532acc-0c6c-4e4a-947a-094da287c9a4">Re: What to do about underage BM?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: What to do about underage BM? : I was 17 and in college so I get where you are coming from.  I also know that I hated the 18+ clubs even when they were all I could get into. You couldn't have paid me to set foot in them again when I hit 21.  I have a cousin like the one OP is describing and would be digging in my heels about this also.  She always thought she was above the laws in this area and didn't think she was ruining anything when she'd get caught and make a huge scene.  EDIT:  I am also under the impression that the underage BM is planning on using the fake ID to drink.
    Posted by tldh[/QUOTE]
    I definitely understand not the OP not wanting to be responsible for her cousin drinking.  That's why I have issues with the bachelorette being something that not everyone can attend.  She can have a girl's night out with her 21+ friends where they drink and go to bars, but I don't think it should be the bachelorette.

    If she had a 12 year old "junior" bm, I Would feel differently.
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    I think you ladies should do something that she can do to. For my sil's we went bowling. The ladies that could drink, drank and had fun that way. Go out on the "town" with the 21 and up group another night.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_underage-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:95ec1267-f97e-4eed-8d16-c6d931916dd0Post:f9ec09c8-60ab-4f2c-8b9d-4678298103a4">Re: What to do about underage BM?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: What to do about underage BM? : It may be unfair to her but to ask the BMs to change their plans to accomodate just her really isn't fair to them or the bride.
    Posted by tldh[/QUOTE]

    But the 18 year-old is one of the bridesmaids, not a random guest.
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    Robyn5298Robyn5298 member
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    edited December 2010
    I think that this is your bachelorette, and since its a party you only have once (hopefully!) you should do what you want to do.  I'm sorry if the 18 year old feels excluded, but that's life.  I'm the youngest in my family so I can think of dozens of times where my older siblings got to do something that I wasn't old enough for.  Was I disappointed at the time?  Yes.  Did I get over it?  Of course.

    I don't think you should have to modify the plans that your hostess made to legally include an 18 year old.  You obviously want to go out drinking / dancing and I agree with Tldh, 18+ clubs are the worst.  That seems like a compromise that wouldn't make anyone happy.

    If it were me, this is how I would play it.  You invite the cousin to pre-game in the hotel room and join you for dinner.  If she insists on tagging along to the bars and her mother doesn't have a problem with it, there's not much you can do.  Let her chance it.  If she gets busted its on her.  As other posters have pointed out, she's legally an adult.  And if your whole group gets thrown out, well that would be upsetting but if you're in downtown Chicago I'm sure there's another bar closeby you could move to.

    Its too bad that you're being put in this position but I don't think you'd be in the wrong if you went ahead and had the party your hostess planned.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_underage-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:95ec1267-f97e-4eed-8d16-c6d931916dd0Post:88ff7c0d-aa1a-4e6e-b4e8-3d37ec7061da">Re: What to do about underage BM?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: What to do about underage BM? : But the 18 year-old is one of the bridesmaids, not a random guest.
    Posted by mbcdefg[/QUOTE]

    So the MOH should plan a night at an 18+ club which is essentially teen night? Whoo.  Hoo.  I'm not a big club person or even bar person but even I wouldn't be going along with this.

    You know I rarely take the position that a BM should not be accommodated (I think this is the first) but this is the Bachelorette party, not a birthday party.  I'm sorry that the teenager's parents didn't raise her to know that life isn't fair but she needs to learn at some point that the world does not revolve around her.   She's not being cut out of everything, just the part that would be illegal for her to participate in.
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    I too was one of the youngest in my class (got my license, turned 18, and 21 all nearly a year after my friends did) and while it sucked sometimes, you live with it.  

    I think it's fair to have part of the night 18+ and part of the night 21+.  It's not like you're leaving her out of things completely--you're having a big dinner and games early in the night for her and everyone else.  If she throws a tantrum about not being able to go clubbing with the big girls, it just further confirms my theory that 18 year olds are too young to really be considered adults.  Tell her that you won't take her along with a fake ID because you don't want her getting in trouble, and you aren't willing to be held responsible for the consequences.  I'm sure she feels like she's being treated like a baby, but the law is the law and you can't do anything about that.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_underage-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:95ec1267-f97e-4eed-8d16-c6d931916dd0Post:f10310bc-abb3-427a-a2c1-5cfd084b63b3">Re: What to do about underage BM?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think that this is your bachelorette, and since its a party you only have once (hopefully!) you should do what you want to do.  I'm sorry if the 18 year old feels excluded, but that's life.  I'm the youngest in my family so I can think of dozens of times where my older siblings got to do something that I wasn't old enough for.  Was I disappointed at the time?  Yes.  Did I get over it?  Of course. I don't think you should have to modify the plans that your hostess made to legally include an 18 year old.  You obviously want to go out drinking / dancing and I agree with Tldh, 18+ clubs are the worst.  That seems like a compromise that wouldn't make anyone happy. If it were me, this is how I would play it.  You invite the cousin to pre-game in the hotel room and join you for dinner.  If she insists on tagging along to the bars and her mother doesn't have a problem with it, there's not much you can do.  Let her chance it.  If she gets busted its on her.  As other posters have pointed out, she's legally an adult.  And if your whole group gets thrown out, well that would be upsetting but if you're in downtown Chicago I'm sure there's another bar closeby you could move to. Its too bad that you're being put in this position but I don't think you'd be in the wrong if you went ahead and had the party your hostess planned.
    Posted by Robyn5298[/QUOTE]
    I disagree with Robyn.  If the bride wanted a clubbing bachelorette party for 21+ only, then she shouldn't have had an 18 year old bridesmaid.  Since there is an 18 year old, then the party should be appropriate enough to include everyone.

    It's true, she only gets one bachelorette party, so make it one that includes everybody, she can go out and drink with her older friends anytime.

    Also, I associate pre-gaming with drinking before you go out to bars, so if that's what you are suggesting, that seems inappropriate.
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    Robyn5298Robyn5298 member
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    edited December 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_underage-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:95ec1267-f97e-4eed-8d16-c6d931916dd0Post:7588fb6d-2d3a-4f62-8b8e-f81b0b2da7dd">Re: What to do about underage BM?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: What to do about underage BM? : I disagree with Robyn.  If the bride wanted a clubbing bachelorette party for 21+ only, then she shouldn't have had an 18 year old bridesmaid.  Since there is an 18 year old, then the party should be appropriate enough to include everyone. It's true, she only gets one bachelorette party, so make it one that includes everybody, she can go out and drink with her older friends anytime. Also, I associate pre-gaming with drinking before you go out to bars, so if that's what you are suggesting, that seems inappropriate.
    Posted by vicki0508[/QUOTE]
    Vicki, I understand that my comment may have sounded harsh towards the young cousin and that wasn't my intention.  I only wanted to point out that if the OP wants to have a stereotypical going out with the girls, doing shots and dancing kind of party, it would be a shame for her to miss out on that because of an underage bridesmaid.  A raucous bachelorette party is very different than a normal night out with the girls, so I don't think its fair to say she can have that night out anytime.  I believe having the cousin involved in two thirds of the events is fair.  Of course, you're entitled to think differently.

    And my comment about pre-gaming was in reference to the original post, where the OP said <em>"For the first part of the b-party, we are getting ready and having games etc at our hotel".  </em>I wasn't suggesting they get the 18 year old liquored up before dinner.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_underage-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:95ec1267-f97e-4eed-8d16-c6d931916dd0Post:7588fb6d-2d3a-4f62-8b8e-f81b0b2da7dd">Re: What to do about underage BM?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: What to do about underage BM? : I disagree with Robyn.  If the bride wanted a clubbing bachelorette party for 21+ only,<strong> then she shouldn't have had an 18 year old bridesmaid</strong>.  Since there is an 18 year old, then the party should be appropriate enough to include everyone. It's true, she only gets one bachelorette party, so make it one that includes everybody, <strong>she can go out and drink with her older friends anytime</strong>. Also, I associate pre-gaming with drinking before you go out to bars, so if that's what you are suggesting, that seems inappropriate.
    Posted by vicki0508[/QUOTE]

    1. Sure.  Because whether someone can attend a B-party should be a qualification for being a BM.

    2. The only times I've been totally trashed were at B-parties.  I miss that because my friends live 600 miles away, I didn't get to put on the cheap veil and do a pub crawl with them.  Sounds silly but if you've ever been to the wilder B-parties you know that taming everything down to accommodate an 18 year old who is acting like a 4 year old is ridiculous.  I'm sorry but life isn't fair and this kid is being completely selfish about this.
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    Hmm, this is a really tricky one, and I can definitely see both sides.  If you're going to be doing a bar crawl with multiple stops anyway, I would propose that the first stop be an 18+ place that she can get into without the fake.  Then you can move on to the 21+ clubs while she goes home.  That way she doesn't feel that she's missing out on the majority of the party and all the fun, but you can still get the wilder aspect of it.  If she's not willing to accept that compromise, then she's being unreasonable and you shouldn't have to bend further.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_underage-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:95ec1267-f97e-4eed-8d16-c6d931916dd0Post:d696ec69-0b62-49cf-8b98-6edb30217562">Re: What to do about underage BM?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: What to do about underage BM? : So the MOH should plan a night at an 18+ club which is essentially teen night? Whoo.  Hoo.  I'm not a big club person or even bar person but even I wouldn't be going along with this. You know I rarely take the position that a BM should not be accommodated (I think this is the first) but this is the Bachelorette party, not a birthday party.  I'm sorry that the teenager's parents didn't raise her to know that life isn't fair but she needs to learn at some point that the world does not revolve around her.   She's not being cut out of everything, just the part that would be illegal for her to participate in.
    Posted by tldh[/QUOTE]


    My line of thinking, though, was that if the OP asked her cousin to be a bridesmaid then she's obviously close to her. And I would think that someone would want a close friend to be able to participate in the festivities.

    That being said, I get what you're saying about how it's inconvenient to change the entire plan around just for this one girl. But I also don't get why a 21 activity was planned in the first place, then ... is it just because OP really wants to go clubbing for her bachelorette?

    I just feel like, if I was the 18 year-old cousin, I'd be really humiliated to have to skip out on a portion of the bachelorette. I get the whole "Life isn't always fair" statement, but at the same time I feel like it's a big tease to tell the cousin, "You're mature enough to be a bridesmaid but you're too young/immature to hang out with us for the whole party."

    OP, does your aunt know about the plans? I'm surprised she's not stepping in and saying something about her daughter.
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    Sorry to cause such a chaotic post! My aunt does know about it and says that her daughter is difficult to control, which she is. She is only in the wedding party per my parent's request.
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    Who's actually organizing the bachelorette party here?  I mean, hopefully they can come to a conclusion that you're happy with, but it is their party, so ultimately they need to be the one to make the call.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_underage-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:95ec1267-f97e-4eed-8d16-c6d931916dd0Post:2fea31a6-81e7-41c1-b299-01d0fed40757">Re: What to do about underage BM?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Sorry to cause such a chaotic post!
    Posted by MyWedding13[/QUOTE]

    Don't apologize, no chaos here :) The debate is interesting.


    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_underage-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:95ec1267-f97e-4eed-8d16-c6d931916dd0Post:2fea31a6-81e7-41c1-b299-01d0fed40757">Re: What to do about underage BM?</a>:
    [QUOTE]My aunt does know about it and says that her daughter is difficult to control, which she is. She is only in the wedding party per my parent's request.
    Posted by MyWedding13[/QUOTE]

    This would make me more inclined to go the route of, "You're welcome to come to dinner but we're going to a 21+ club after that. I really don't think you should use the fake ID, but if you do it anyway and get caught then you'll have to get home on your own, so bring cash for a cab."
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_underage-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:95ec1267-f97e-4eed-8d16-c6d931916dd0Post:c990d845-1f15-4fe5-906b-4a60e263a5a4">Re: What to do about underage BM?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Don't apologize--it's rare that there's a real debate about what the right answer is, rather than the "it's your day do whatever you want" crowd vs. the "don't treat your WP like unpaid labor" crowd.  That's where the debates usually arise.<strong> I think that if she's a brat who's just there due to family pressure, and your friends have already planned a fun night that allows your cousin to attend for part of it and then you can go out and do grown-up stuff, you've got nothing to feel guilty about </strong>(ETA: I'm with Tricia--I would never, ever go to "18 and over night" at a club at my age--it would basically be teen night).  It's a close call, to be sure.
    Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

    Yeah...now that you say that your parents basically forced her in, I'm gearing more towards what Brooke says here. I thought you two were close or something. As that's not the case, I would just say "the 18 year old needs to stay home". I wouldn't my party getting disrupted because some bratty teenager doesn't know how to play it legally and her parents are too indulgent of her crap.
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    mkruparmkrupar member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2010
    Jumping in late on this...just because your Aunt says she's difficult to control, doesn't mean you don't have a right to say, "You are welcome to join us for dinner, but when we go out to the bars/clubs, you're going to have to go home." If her parents put up with her ridiculous behavior that's on them. You, nor the hostess of the party, have to.

    I guess this puts me in the camp with Brooke and Manwa. Let her come to dinner and afterwards it's adios.

    Edited: Holy bad grammar Batman!
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    I agree that she should be mature enough to understand that after dinner she really should go home. However, I feel that its kind of crappy that you only asked her to be a bridesmaid because your parents told you to and she is being excluded from bridesmaid activities. If you didn't want her in the WP, then you shouldn't have asked her. But whats done is done I guess. Here is my advice: I will not be 21 when I get married(a few months shy) and what we are doing for the Bparty is hanging out in the hotel room where I will be able to have a few cocktails with the 21 year olds and not worry about getting in trouble. It sounds like you already have a hotel room so unless you are hung up on going out to the bars, whats wrong with staying and having drinks in the room?
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    bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_underage-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:95ec1267-f97e-4eed-8d16-c6d931916dd0Post:66d90b90-2851-45fe-9180-2e6cfb7e4005">Re: What to do about underage BM?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I agree that she should be mature enough to understand that after dinner she really should go home. However, I feel that its kind of crappy that you only asked her to be a bridesmaid because your parents told you to and she is being excluded from bridesmaid activities. If you didn't want her in the WP, then you shouldn't have asked her. But whats done is done I guess. Here is my advice: I will not be 21 when I get married(a few months shy) and what we are doing for the Bparty is hanging out in the hotel room where I will be able to have a few cocktails with the 21 year olds and not worry about getting in trouble. <strong>It sounds like you already have a hotel room so unless you are hung up on going out to the bars, whats wrong with staying and having drinks in the room?</strong>
    Posted by junebug62511[/QUOTE]
    1.  It's illegal.<div>
    </div><div>2.  It's really not fair to the bride to have to miss out on going out to bars and instead stay hidden in a hotel room so her bratty cousin can be included.  They're including her in everything else--I think it's plenty fair.  When you hit 21 you'll understand that there's more to going to a bar than just the drinking. </div>
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