Am I being unreasonable?

LittleMissBear

I lurk. I know I should be more active but I need to know if I should be absorbing a this cost ( though I really don't think I can afford too).
It's long so that you can have the back story and I can rant a little bit....

I asked my bridesmaids to be part of the wedding party 11 months out (January 2010) and let them all know at the time that I would love to have them stand by me but if it was too expensive I understood. (I know that being a bridesmaid is a huge financial commitment.)

 I let them know I could not pay for their dresses but would pay for hair and manicures.  I let them pick their own dresses that way they could pick within their price point as long as it was in my colour;(originally eggplant but changed to grape because of an order mix up by one of the girls, no big deal they are both still purple) I helped find cost effective solutions for the dresses but they chose to wear the same one from a higher end store.  

They let me know in July when we discussing hair and makeup arrangements that they were not comfortable doing their own make up so I offered to check around town for a makeup artist but let them know that I had originally planned to ask my cousin to do mine to save some money and that I was sure if I asked she could do theirs as well.  They asked if I could please check still they wanted to get it professionally done. I told them all the approximate prices then and they still agreed we should have it professionally done. Now a little under a month before the wedding they are deciding it’s  too expensive and they want to figure out another option  meanwhile I’ve already put a deposit down and booked the appointments on their say so.

Am I crazy for questioning their sudden change of heart? And should I be picking up the cost of all of their make up for the day?

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_am-being-unreasonable-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:961cc6a7-357f-4c14-a029-35a3a19a4369Post:5def2c6b-797e-46fe-856b-f8472bbf8c62">Am I being unreasonable?</a>:
[QUOTE]I lurk. I know I should be more active but I need to know if I should be absorbing a this cost ( though I really don't think I can afford too). It's long so that you can have the back story and I can rant a little bit.... I asked my bridesmaids to be part of the wedding party 11 months out (January 2010) and let them all know at the time that I would love to have them stand by me but if it was too expensive I understood. (I know that being a bridesmaid is a huge financial commitment.)   I let them know I could not pay for their dresses but would pay for hair and manicures.   I let them pick their own dresses that way they could pick within their price point as long as it was in my colour;(originally eggplant but changed to grape because of an order mix up by one of the girls, no big deal they are both still purple) I helped find cost effective solutions for the dresses but they chose to wear the same one from a higher end store.   They let me know in July when we discussing hair and makeup arrangements that they were not comfortable doing their own make up so I offered to check around town for a makeup artist but let them know that I had originally planned to ask my cousin to do mine to save some money and that I was sure if I asked she could do theirs as well.   They asked if I could please check still they wanted to get it professionally done. I told them all the approximate prices then and they still agreed we should have it professionally done. Now a little under a month before the wedding they are deciding it’s  too expensive and they want to figure out another option  meanwhile I’ve already put a deposit down and booked the appointments on their say so. Am I crazy for questioning their sudden change of heart? And should I be picking up the cost of all of their make up for the day?
Posted by LittleMissBear[/QUOTE]
What I fail to understand is why this is an issue at all.  It shouldn't matter to you how or where they do their makeup.  If you're ordering professional makeup, yes, you have to pay.  It doesn't sound like that's the case, so let them figure it out on their own.  You've given them prices, it's now up to them to figure out if they want to do it. <div>
</div><div>Also, the "If it's too expensive to be my BM I understand" talk was a bit out of line.  It should not be too expensive for BMs, ever.  It's your responsibility to either let them pick a dress or to pick one out that fits their budgets.  Everything else (parties, jewelry, hair and make up) is optional for them to spend money on.  While I'm sure your heart was in the right place in having the talk, it does send a message that you expect them to spend lots of money on you for the wedding.</div>

bablingbrooke

I get that, and like I said, I totally think your heart was in the right place.  But it can sometimes turn into one of those situations where people hear something different than what you're trying to say.  That's all.  Know what I mean?  

waltzingmatilda13

You never agreed to pay for their makeup. So when you discussed prices in July, that should have been clear. If you had to pay a deposit when you made the appointment and they knew that, then I think they should at least pay you back for the deposit that you've already shelled out. I would be pretty pissed as well. If they still don't want to have their makeup done professionally, that's fine, let it go.

Also, see if you can talk to the salon and have that deposit money go towards your appointments, which I would assume you are keeping.

gottahavashorti

It doesn't sound like you are requiring pro makeup, so you're not obligated to pay for it.  Let them know that since it's now too expensive, they could see about getting their makeup done at the MAC counter or can do it themselves.  Same goes for hair - they can make an appointment at a salon of their choice or do their own.

Ditto matilda on cancelling their appointments but keeping yours and using the deposit towards that.  Just assure your BMs that they will be find doing their own makeup.  I hardly wear makeup and still did my own makeup for my wedding.  It looked fine in the pictures.

aerinpegadrak

Maybe something changed in their finances suddenly?  Like a cut in hours, or a large unexpected expense?  We were planning on going to Walt Disney World in January, but since we're going to be moving cross-country in April, we've decided that we can't go.  Things happen, especially in this economy.

How much would you be out on the deposit?  How much is still left to pay?  It seems to me that the easiest solution would be to say, "Well, I've already put down a deposit.  What CAN you afford for makeup?" and cover the difference.  It may not be the fairest of circumstances, but they're doing this for you, after all.

LittleMissBear

Thanks everyone,
They gave me a hard time about it being expensive this weekend when we spoke about it but it was the same price in July and they told me to book. I will call the salon now and see if I can use the deposit. I spoke to them and most are fine with doing thier own make up.  I just needed to make sure I was doing the right thing by them.

sister2groom

By the way, I couldn't see if this was still an option, but I would be really careful about offering the services of your cousin because its not really yours to offer, unless your cousin put it that way. I just say that because the girl who cuts my hair was really upset that her SIL assumed she would do the hair of the entire bridal party when this girl was being pretty generous by offering to help the bride. But then again, your situation may be entirely different.

mattycam

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_am-being-unreasonable-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:961cc6a7-357f-4c14-a029-35a3a19a4369Post:40d69b19-15d8-4d02-a05e-03e3c7743e23">Re: Am I being unreasonable?</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks everyone, They gave me a hard time about it being expensive this weekend when we spoke about it but it was the same price in July and they told me to book. I will call the salon now and see if I can use the deposit. I spoke to them and most are fine with doing thier own make up.  I just needed to make sure I was doing the right thing by them.
Posted by LittleMissBear[/QUOTE]

I am glad you were able to come to a resolution :)