B list rant

gottahavashorti

I really don't understand how hard it is to give guests travel information without sending an invitation or requiring an RSVP 3-5 months out.  Include the wedding website on the Save the Date, send out a packet of travel info for out of towners, e-mail them, or let them know when you talk to them.  There's no reason giving them that information means they need to let you know then and there.

We just told those who we knew were traveling where the hotel block was, prior to sending out the invites.  You know, via gchat, facebook message, e-mail and phone.  The wedding invitation only included the who/what/when/where of the wedding & reception, an RSVP card, and a wedding website card (or a directions card for those who don't use the internet, customized from their location).

Three or four months ago, I would not have been able to tell you what state I'd be living in at the time of the wedding to make travel plans or have a clue about whether I could attend.  I haven't been able to commit to anything for the next year because I just don't know yet if we can travel then.

Belle2Be

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_b-list-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:975b8a3b-0942-4511-b821-3c8de67434d3Post:d08406cf-109e-4242-b5ff-c80779b734cf">Re: B list rant</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: B list rant : Headdesk.  I give up on this thread.
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]
Weddings hold different meanings and values to everyone, I don't know how this surprises you.

CTGirl30

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_b-list-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:975b8a3b-0942-4511-b821-3c8de67434d3Post:7e5903b2-d16c-4b69-af9c-f8ace913beca">Re: B list rant</a>:
[QUOTE]We have a B-list...... we have about 10 couples on the list but 280 on our A-list. To have a wedding of 290 plus now a days is costly. If your tryin to stay in budget, do what you gotta do. The guest on our B-list are recent ex co-workers we may not keep intouch with in the next year or friends of my in-laws we dont really know. I dont think it "rude" to have a B-list. <strong>The guest are important but it's the couples day....not yours. :)
</strong>Posted by Lanie0723[/QUOTE]

Lanie...the minute a couple decides to invite other people - i.e. their guests - to share their wedding day celebrations it ceases to be solely "the couple's day". When you have guests, someone is responsible for hosting them and being a good host entails having some modicum of concern for your guest's comfort - providing food, adequate seating, beverages.  If you want to have a day be truly all about the couple, then elope and be as selfish as you'd like.
It's like when you invite people to stay as guests in your home. Yes, it's your home - not theirs - but if you're going to ask people to come and stay with you then you assume some level of respsonsibility for being a good host to them. Otherwise...your friends aren't going to think very highly of you if you completely ignore their needs since it's your home / your special day (*gag*), whatever.

STDs are advance notice that there will be an event coming up in the next year or so. Guests can put it on their calendars. STDs also often include inserts with a note about any hotel blockings and often include the couple's wedding website link where more detailed information can be found. We included inserts with our STDs that had the information about our hotel block if guests chose to use that one in order to get the discount. Of course, your guests are also adults and can choose to book a room at another hotel if they so choose. We had several guests select other accomodations and not the one we had blocked rooms at.

The invite is only sent out about 2 months prior to the actual event occuring, whether it's a destination wedding or not. Presumably your guests are aware of the event and have been for several months if you sent your STDs out - since that's the purpose of them. Now that the event is about 2 months away people will have a better idea of whether or not their schedules and funds will permit them to attend and they'll give you their answer.

Asking way too early is just ridiculous for many of the reasons mentioned above. (Whether or not you have a B-list, which is a separate issue).

mlegg08

I agree that the whole A list-B list thing is rude, and to expect RSVPS almost 3 months in advance is steep, however we sent our invites out 3 months early b/c almost everyone is traveling to a certain extent and will be staying in a hotel for at least one night. We did make the RSVP  July 25th for an August 28th wedding (basically 5 weeks), but that's b/c our hotel block (which has a MUCH lower rate) ends Aug. 1st, so that only gives us a week to hound late responders. Also keep in mind it's not just the head count for the caterer but also the seating arrangements, number of table centerpieces, place cards, hotel welcome bags etc... If they know lots of people are traveling and might not be able to make it, they really can't plan any of that until they know how many are coming. Just trying to see both sides...

Lisa8888

It is understandable why this couple have a B list. The OP said that primarily all of the guests would be required to travel a great distance to attend the wedding. The couple knows that there could be a higher likelihood of people not attending due to the distance and expense. The couple is locked into only inviting 100 people. Everyone should understand why the couple would want to hit that 100.

Considering all of the rude things that people here have justified, I find it funny that so many people are going off on this B list rant.

ldetty5

I know it's unfortunate for you, but in my case, with nobody making travel plans, i did make a short b list. the reason being: our reception hall only holds 126 we invited 131 because we were uncomfortable to invite too many people, because our wedding was so small we had to cut a lot of people we would have loved to invite. So, i understand having a B list. If it came that only 100 people could come, we would want to send out 20 more invites to give other people a chance. it has nothing to do with i don't think they are worthy of a first invite, it is just a necessary evil of having a small reception hall.

jaclyndoherty

If you are flying somewhere in October you should have travel plans by now or atleast be figuring it out now. I see why you are a little annoyed but you should be able to decide a yes or no answer at this time.

heatherprice

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_b-list-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:975b8a3b-0942-4511-b821-3c8de67434d3Post:3e16a7ec-7940-496c-ab7b-9f1068460903">Re: B list rant</a>:
[QUOTE]One of the parts that bugs me the most is that they can afford all of their guests, but they picked their "dream" venue and it only holds about 100 people so that is their reasoning for the A and B list.  I think it was rude on their part not to select a venue that could accommodate all of their guests. I guess they ordered two sets of invites with two different RSVP dates since our invites have an RSVP date of July 22.  I'm assuming the b-listers will not be getting invites now with that RSVP date, but with a later RSVP date. I feel like if we RSVP yes now, that we should buy our plane tickets now, and I'm just not sure I want to commit to that right now.
Posted by frogurt814[/QUOTE]


I feel like I need to stick up for the bride here.  My wedding venue only holds 100 people.  My fiance and I made our list before looking at venues and the number was right at 100 and my parents said they only had like 5 people to invite so I thought the venue would be perfect because I WANT a smaller wedding.  As a bride, I'm entitled to WANTING a smaller 100-person wedding if I so choose.  Now my parents added 33 more people to list and we're wondering how we should handle it.  I did everything I was supposed to do ahead of time.  My parents really dropped the ball on this one.  So maybe you should cut her some slack.  You should also consider just telling her you can't make it and quit complaining on an internet site designated for people getting married even though you are clearly already married.

frogurt814

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_b-list-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:975b8a3b-0942-4511-b821-3c8de67434d3Post:5e8eda99-5322-470d-9cf3-95974f25404c">Re: B list rant</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: B list rant : I feel like I need to stick up for the bride here.  My wedding venue only holds 100 people.  My fiance and I made our list before looking at venues and the number was right at 100 and my parents said they only had like 5 people to invite so I thought the venue would be perfect because I WANT a smaller wedding.  As a bride, I'm entitled to WANTING a smaller 100-person wedding if I so choose.  Now my parents added 33 more people to list and we're wondering how we should handle it.  I did everything I was supposed to do ahead of time.  My parents really dropped the ball on this one.  So maybe you should cut her some slack.  You should also consider just telling her you can't make it and quit complaining on an internet site designated for people getting married even though you are clearly already married.
Posted by heatherprice[/QUOTE]
They definitely have more than 105 people they wished to invite.

I like the women on this board so I still frequent it even though I am married. You will find a large number of married women on these boards, not just me.  Having married people on these boards can be a big help to not yet married peeps.  Since we have been through the process, we have lots of real life experiences to share.

Side note - bride and groom did not list hotel or flight information in their invites, so that was not the reasoning for sending invites out so early.

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_b-list-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:975b8a3b-0942-4511-b821-3c8de67434d3Post:5e8eda99-5322-470d-9cf3-95974f25404c">Re: B list rant</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: B list rant : I feel like I need to stick up for the bride here.  My wedding venue only holds 100 people.  My fiance and I made our list before looking at venues and the number was right at 100 and my parents said they only had like 5 people to invite so I thought the venue would be perfect because I WANT a smaller wedding.  As a bride, I'm entitled to WANTING a smaller 100-person wedding if I so choose.  Now my parents added 33 more people to list and we're wondering how we should handle it.  I did everything I was supposed to do ahead of time.  My parents really dropped the ball on this one.  So maybe you should cut her some slack.  <strong>You should also consider just telling her you can't make it and quit complaining on an internet site designated for people getting married even though you are clearly already married.</strong>
Posted by heatherprice[/QUOTE]


Yes, because it's always a good idea to get advice about a new situation that one is facing from people who have never done it before.

Do you really want to plan a wedding based on suggestions from people who haven't yet been through a wedding?  Or would you rather get your advice from people who have experience in the process?

I liken it to this scenario:  you're 8.5 months pregnant, and you want to know how labor and delivery are really going to be.  Are you going to ask someone who has already given birth, or are you going to ask someone who's 6 months pregnant with her first baby?

I'm on this site because although I'm married, I think I can give thoughtful advice and perhaps a reality check for brides who are wondering about an issue related to wedding planning.  I've been a bride, and now an MOG and an MOB.  I think I have some insights and experience to offer.

Finally, I'm on this site because I've come to "know" many of the regs and enjoy keeping up with what's going on with them.  And it's often entertaining to boot!

gottahavashorti

Gosh, Knot, you should have de-activated my account the day after I got married.  Strange how they still let me log in and post.

bablingbrooke

If all the married people left, who would give the advice?  It would be the blind leading the blind.

Belle2Be

Clearly I should've read this thread before I posted my other

Fro, it sounds like they are a little confused about the "proper" timeline, especially if they didn't even have any information in the invite. This is one of those things that I think can differ case by case, but if they didn't add any travel info it doesn't make any sense to send them out so soon. And again, I somehow ignored that it was a rant, I usually don't offer a different side if its a rant or vent

aerinpegadrak

Yes, if only she'd posted in the subject line that it was a rant.  Clear oversight on her part.

trix1223

aerin:  you are just the best.