Am I being petty?? Plz help!

cmustari

I have one brother, who I am very close to. My fiance has two sisters and one brother. I love his family and would never ask him to NOT have one of his siblings in the wedding party, as I would be offended and angry if he did that to me. We both have already picked our maid of honor and best man, neither of whom are our siblings.

I really want my brother on my "side" of the altar. I always thought that you should have those closest to you on your side, which is really why I'm so stuck on my brother being on my side. Part of me would like guys on one girls on another, and the sides to be even. I know the sides don't need to be even, and people mix up the sexes all the time, but I just want opinions. Am I being petty about it? Do you think it really matters what side they are standing on, or is it more about the group as a whole?

Manwaithiel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_am-being-petty-plz?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:97c9f0eb-61c0-4b4b-b6de-382b1b672ee0Post:777c7ed4-ffe6-478a-94b4-0e2b6b2aef09">Am I being petty?? Plz help!</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Hey everyone, I want your opinions!</strong> I know it's long, sorry.... I have one brother, who I am very close to. My fiance has two sisters and one brother. I love his family and would never ask him to NOT have one of his siblings in the wedding party, as I would be offended and angry if he did that to me. We both have already picked our maid of honor and best man, neither of whom are our siblings. <strong>Here's my problem. I really want my brother on my "side" of the altar. While I thought it didn't matter, it really does.</strong> My FI understands this but unfortunately isn't being much help, as he just says, "I like it when the guys are on one side and the girls are on the other, but the only person I really care about being there is you. Do whatever will make you happy." So my solution is, I have my maid of honor, another close friend (both females), and my brother on my side, which = 3. On FI's side, his best man, younger brother, and both his sisters, = 4. I always thought that you should have those closest to you on your side, which is really why I'm so stuck on my brother being on my side. Part of me would like guys on one girls on another, and the sides to be even. If I have his sisters and my maid of honor and other friend on my side, that would be 4, and then he would have three on his side, and is telling me he'd ask another guy to be in the party. But I really would like to avoid asking people to be in the party JUST to make the sides even... that is not a very good reason to have someone standing up there with you. <strong>I know the sides don't need to be even, and people mix up the sexes all the time, but I just want opinions. Am I being petty about it?</strong> Do you think it really matters what side they are standing on, or is it more about the group as a whole? I figured I could always get a billion pictures with my brother on my side when we take the photos. <strong>Don't call me ridiculous, I'm just a bride analysing every part of the plan like I should be. Opinions please! </strong>(Or maybe just re-assurance that it will be okay if my brother isn't on my side, since that's probably the way it'll work out.)
Posted by cmustari[/QUOTE]

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_am-being-petty-plz?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:97c9f0eb-61c0-4b4b-b6de-382b1b672ee0Post:777c7ed4-ffe6-478a-94b4-0e2b6b2aef09">Am I being petty?? Plz help!</a>:
[QUOTE]Hey everyone, I want your opinions! I know it's long, sorry.... I have one brother, who I am very close to. My fiance has two sisters and one brother. I love his family and would never ask him to NOT have one of his siblings in the wedding party, as I would be offended and angry if he did that to me. We both have already picked our maid of honor and best man, neither of whom are our siblings. Here's my problem. I really want my brother on my "side" of the altar. While I thought it didn't matter, it really does. My FI understands this but unfortunately isn't being much help, as he just says, "I like it when the guys are on one side and the girls are on the other, but the only person I really care about being there is you. Do whatever will make you happy." So my solution is, I have my maid of honor, another close friend (both females), and my brother on my side, which = 3. On FI's side, his best man, younger brother, and both his sisters, = 4. I always thought that you should have those closest to you on your side, which is really why I'm so stuck on my brother being on my side. Part of me would like guys on one girls on another, and the sides to be even. If I have his sisters and my maid of honor and other friend on my side, that would be 4, and then he would have three on his side, and is telling me he'd ask another guy to be in the party. But I really would like to avoid asking people to be in the party JUST to make the sides even... that is not a very good reason to have someone standing up there with you. I know the sides don't need to be even, and people mix up the sexes all the time, but I just want opinions. Am I being petty about it? Do you think it really matters what side they are standing on, or is it more about the group as a whole? I figured I could always get a billion pictures with my brother on my side when we take the photos. Don't call me ridiculous, I'm just a bride analysing every part of the plan like I should be. Opinions please! (Or maybe just re-assurance that it will be okay if my brother isn't on my side, since that's probably the way it'll work out.)
Posted by cmustari[/QUOTE]
You really need to get a hobby if you're spending this much energy stressing about the symmetry of the WP.  

lalap69

Your post confuses me.  You say you don't care and then you do care?

Have the people who are closest to you.  Your sides don't need to be even.  You can have your brother on your side even though he has a penis.

This really isn't complicated.

aerinpegadrak

If there's any other consideration going into the selection of your WP other than "who are the very closest people to me"--and that means gender, age, symmetry, interest in planning, financial ability, ANYTHING other than that one question--you're not only being petty, but shallow.  People are what matter, not that other stuff.

Blueyed228

Do whatever you want.  Even sides dont matter.

To be honest, I dont think it really matters what side people stand on.  To me it was just important that they were there standing with us.  My brother stood with the boys.  I did not want to make it "my side" and H's "side".

But its a personal preference.  Its whatever is important to you.  But it doesnt need to be this big of a deal.

cmustari

lol, I'm not that stressed about it... my wedding is over a year away. I just want opinions of whether or not who is on your SIDE or everyone as a WHOLE mattered in planning the party.

Thanks for the responses!

bablingbrooke

Blueyed-your siggy photo is gorgeous!

OP: Pick substance over style any day of the week.  You won't regret it.

trix1223

WP's are neither about symmetry nor gender.  They are about having those who mean the most to you stand by your side as you say your vows.  It's really that simple.

aerinpegadrak

Well, we split our WP on relationship lines rather than gender, so I'm a bit biased in that regard.  It's really with what makes everyone comfortable and happy.  Some people prefer one or the other, some people don't have a preference at all.

Blueyed228

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_am-being-petty-plz?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:97c9f0eb-61c0-4b4b-b6de-382b1b672ee0Post:1625aed7-47c6-49ab-99a9-8912d6a861d1">Re: Am I being petty?? Plz help!</a>:
[QUOTE]Blueyed-your siggy photo is gorgeous! OP: Pick substance over style any day of the week.  You won't regret it.
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

Thanks!

pretzelgrrl

My brother is on my fiance's side mostly because I do think it makes it easier on what they wear but also because I see it as the Wedding Party as a whole standing by our sides and I think it was a really nice gesture/moment when my fiance asked my brother and showed my brother was important to him too.

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_am-being-petty-plz?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:97c9f0eb-61c0-4b4b-b6de-382b1b672ee0Post:b1146a6b-66cb-442d-b3fb-95f61a2a5527">Re: Am I being petty?? Plz help!</a>:
[QUOTE]My brother is on my fiance's side mostly because <strong>I do think it makes it easier on what they wear </strong>but also because I see it as the Wedding Party as a whole standing by our sides and I think it was a really nice gesture/moment when my fiance asked my brother and showed my brother was important to him too.
Posted by pretzelgrrl[/QUOTE]

What would make what your brother wears different if he stands on "your" side or if he stands next to your FI?  Wouldn't he just wear the same tux/suit?

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_am-being-petty-plz?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:97c9f0eb-61c0-4b4b-b6de-382b1b672ee0Post:b1146a6b-66cb-442d-b3fb-95f61a2a5527">Re: Am I being petty?? Plz help!</a>:
[QUOTE]My brother is on my fiance's side mostly because I do think it makes it easier on what they wear but also because I see it as the Wedding Party as a whole standing by our sides and I think it was a really nice gesture/moment when my fiance asked my brother and showed my brother was important to him too.
Posted by pretzelgrrl[/QUOTE]
So you think that he'd have to wear a dress on your side?

pretzelgrrl

yes you caught me if he was standing on my side I was going to make him wear a dress...ugh..for real aerin

Beachy730

Ask who you want on each side.  Honestly I don't think it matters which side the people stand on.  Some think that each side should only be for that person, but the WP in general can be for both of you.  As long as you aren't keeping the other one from having someone they want in the WP it really doesn't matter what side they stand on.  So if you want all siblings in the WP and want to put guys on one side and girls on the other, that's fine.  

As for him asking someone else to even the sides out, he obviously doesn't have to even them out.  But maybe there are other friends he wants involved anyways, not just to even out the sides.  For example, H has a large group of friends that has been close sine high school.  He had his 2 brothers and 3 friends, but could easily have picked more if he wanted to.  But I had 5 girls I picked, and he decided to keep even numbers because it was just easier to make a cutoff with his friends.   

I don't know if that makes as much sense written out as it does in my head, so sorry if it doesn't.  

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_am-being-petty-plz?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:97c9f0eb-61c0-4b4b-b6de-382b1b672ee0Post:6eded244-730c-44cc-83f7-e96bb6e3c15e">Re: Am I being petty?? Plz help!</a>:
[QUOTE]yes you caught me if he was standing on my side I was going to make him wear a dress...ugh..for real you two...
Posted by pretzelgrrl[/QUOTE]
Well, then what on earth do you mean?  The attire for bridesmen and groomswomen isn't complicated at all.

pretzelgrrl

Oh sorry forgot to add what I had meant...I did kind of wonder if he was on my side if I needed to add the color of my bridesmaid dresses to his tux (vest, tie, etc) so you could tell he was a part of my wedding party.

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_am-being-petty-plz?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:97c9f0eb-61c0-4b4b-b6de-382b1b672ee0Post:6eded244-730c-44cc-83f7-e96bb6e3c15e">Re: Am I being petty?? Plz help!</a>:
[QUOTE]yes you caught me if he was standing on my side I was going to make him wear a dress...ugh..for real you two...
Posted by pretzelgrrl[/QUOTE]

I really didn't understand what you meant in your first post:  that it would be easier to figure out dress if he was on your FI's side? 

pretzelgrrl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_am-being-petty-plz?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:97c9f0eb-61c0-4b4b-b6de-382b1b672ee0Post:d48c7983-0668-4f29-8d63-505cd7652538">Re: Am I being petty?? Plz help!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Am I being petty?? Plz help! : I really didn't understand what you meant in your first post:  that it would be easier to figure out dress if he was on your FI's side? 
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE
Sorry about that I posted my response to you about what I was thinking in term of tux but it didn't post until after you had responded...I must be a slower poster

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_am-being-petty-plz?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:97c9f0eb-61c0-4b4b-b6de-382b1b672ee0Post:e6ff4692-8554-4ea6-a6e8-a8727fbaf00d">Re: Am I being petty?? Plz help!</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh sorry forgot to add what I had meant...I did kind of wonder if he was on my side if I needed to add the color of my bridesmaid dresses to his tux (vest, tie, etc) so you could tell he was a part of my wedding party.
Posted by pretzelgrrl[/QUOTE]

Well, wouldn't people be able to figure out that he was part of your WP when they saw him standing next to you during the ceremony?

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_am-being-petty-plz?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:97c9f0eb-61c0-4b4b-b6de-382b1b672ee0Post:e6ff4692-8554-4ea6-a6e8-a8727fbaf00d">Re: Am I being petty?? Plz help!</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh sorry forgot to add what I had meant...I did kind of wonder if he was on my side if I needed to add the color of my bridesmaid dresses to his tux (vest, tie, etc) so you could tell he was a part of my wedding party.
Posted by pretzelgrrl[/QUOTE]
And your doubt over this question was crippling enough to make you rule out a mixed gender WP as a possibility?  Seriously? 

pretzelgrrl

Okay you are so busy picking and nit-picking you missed the most important part
My brother is on my fiance's side because I see it as the Wedding Party as a whole standing by our sides and I think it was a really nice gesture/moment when my fiance asked my brother and showed my brother was important to him too.
God I worry about you people constantly deciding that people's decisions are lame