To have or not to have a bridal party?

wph961

Was wondering if anyone has thoughts on the merits of having or not having a bridal party. My problem is that I have 5 very close friends from different stages in my life (2 from middle/high school, 1 from college, and 2 from grad school). BUT having 5 bridesmaids seems like a lot to me, because we're only expecting 100 guests and our ceremony/reception are at a pretty small, intimate venue where there's not a lot of standing room up at the front of the ceremony. Between my fiance and I we have 3 brothers who would be groomsmen, so I would like to just choose 3 bridesmaids. However I feel that if I only choose 3 I am bound to hurt 2 people's feelings. Hence, I am really stuck over whether I should choose 3 girls or all 5 girls or just none at all. None at all almost seems easiest, but will I regret it later if I don't ask any friends to be in my wedding? Help!

stina93446

Sides do not have to be even. He can have 3 and you can have 5. 

You can also decide to not have a BP at all. it's really your call. 

Licia&Wayne

I think if you're not fully committed to the idea of having a wedding party, don't have one. I'm all for having a wedding party if you know exactly the people you want in it, but if you're thinking 5 BM is a lot and know you don't want to pick and choose, then don't. Just don't have a bridal party. No one will begrudge you that. There is so much beauty in a simple, intimate marriage ceremony.

But if your heart is really set on having a BP, go for it. Stina is totally correct. Sides don't have to be even, so ask all 5 and have all 5 of your closest friends standing next to you while you are getting married.

Either way, I think you'll be fine. So just weigh how you feel and base your decision on whether you really think it's important or not to have a WP.

saxy414

You will see it over and over on this board--choose who is closest to you, who you could not imagine NOT having standing next to you.  If that's 5 girls, ask those 5.  If that's no one, ask no one (and I don't mean because you aren't close to anyone, I mean if you feel you'd rather stand by yourself, with your fiance).  Sides don't have to be even.

Or, you could keep it to just family to avoid hurting friend's feelings--your brothers on your side, his on his side. 

mbcdefg

Don't leave friends out of your wedding because you think the "bridal party: guest ratio" will be off. Five bridesmaids for a 100-guest wedding really isn't unheard of.

You should ask who you want to ask, and your FI should ask who he wants to ask. Don't worry about the ratio, don't worry about even sides, don't worry about you having the women and him having the men. Each of you should pick your dearest friends and then let the chips fall where they may.

What makes more sense ... including people you love, or possibly excluding people and hurting their feelings because of some bogus traditions or "rules" that really don't make any sense in the first place?

wph961

Thanks for the thoughts everyone.....its actually my fiance who is leaning towards not having a wedding party, because he likes the idea of us standing up there alone for the ceremony.

So is it ok to ask the wedding party to just not stand during the ceremony? That would appease my fiance.

The main reason I'd want a wedding party is to let my girlfriends know that they're important to me and I'd appreciate their presence on my wedding day.  I don't care about a bridal shower or having someone throw me a big blowout bachelorette party......just want to express to them that I want them there before the ceremony to help me get ready, and to have a fun girl's night out before the wedding. I'm afraid that if I don't officially designate bridesmaids they will end up feeling less involved. I guess thats my big "con" for not having bridesmaids at all.

mbcdefg

Yes, it's fine to have them process down the aisle but then sit in the audience for the ceremony. That's pretty common for Catholic weddings, in fact (only the Best Man and MOH sit on the altar with the couple, and the other attendants sit in the first pew on their respective sides).

You don't need to make your friends bridesmaids in order to include them in the getting-ready process or a girls' night out before the wedding. If you say, "We decided to keep things simple and not have a wedding party, but please know that you mean the world to me and I'm so glad you'll be at my wedding," they will understand. Your outward show of love and appreciation is more important than a title.

saxy414

Yes, it's totally fine to have the WP sit during the ceremony. 

If you want your friends to stand (er, sit) with you, go for it.  Don't worry about the planning, as they aren't required to do anything for you, but it seems like you want your friends with you, and I'm sure they will appreciate it. 

wph961

I like the corsage idea, stina! And bcmdefg, I like the open minded approach about ignoring men/women sides and ratios. We are not a very tradition-minded couple, and as it is are considering abandoning other traditional wedding things like the unity candle, forced toasts and father/daughter mother/son dances. And if we do have a wedding party, they would definitely choose their own attire and maybe just adhere to a color scheme.

stina93446

A plus to the corsage thing is that it's a lot cheaper than a bouquet. Not that big of a deal and if you really want to give your friends the honors of being 'bridesmaids', but yes, much cheaper....and if they're not BP members, you don't have to get them a thank you bm gift. (You could still do this anyway because they're so close to you and it's always super fun to give people gifts!)

mm133123

5 is not too many at all... 5 is perfect.  Im only having 100 guests and have 6 bridesmaids.  

vstu12

I'm not having a briday party at all, and I don't think I'll miss it. I agree with your FI and think it could be really special to just have the two of you standing together during the ceremony. Your friends might be relieved to avoid buying a specific color/style of dress for the occasion. But if you think you'll regret it. include them.

Louisa2009

have as many as you want.
i have a similar problem, so when i get my mani/pedis, i'm inviting my closest gfs to the spa. then they don't have to pay a ton of money on their dress, you don't need to stress about the bridal party, and you all get to hang out and get your nails done together--something you needed to do anyway (probably) but now it's more fun!

(you can DIY or go to a spa)

wph961

Ok, with your helpful suggestions I've made a decision!  We're not going to have a wedding party, but to make my closest friends feel included they'll be invited to a girls night out and a mani/pedi before the wedding. They'll also be part of the getting ready process the day of the wedding, and the friends who are in the dressing room with me will get a corsage as a symbol of appreciation. This way no one has to worry about buying a dress they'll never wear again, and as a small bonus we don't have to worry about buying extra bouquets.

This also helps keep the rehearsal dinner more intimate--we're planning to just invite family and our very closest friends (for me this would be the 2 friends from HS and one from college, since they've been around the longest and know my family well).

Finally, my fiance's 2 brothers and my 1 brother will act as ushers.

I feel so much better about this arrangement!