Letting a BM out of the Wedding. (Long Vent!!)

Licia&Wayne

Did you really just create an AE to reply to this, OP?

CTGirl30

Ha.  Nice - and mysteriously both the OP and her newly created AE are both from Toronto! Hmmmm....coincedence? I think not!

mbcdefg

You just said the exact same thing that you're bashing other people for saying ... leave it up to the BM (by waiting to see if she gets the dress or not).

Replacing people is a shiitty thing to do. No bones about it.

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_getting-bm-out-of-wedding-long-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:9a0755bf-c2ab-4feb-b5ac-93779467a311Post:812c1ed8-2931-40e1-a548-2bf0051b4581">Re: Letting a BM out of the Wedding. (Long Vent!!)</a>:
[QUOTE] hi all, just want to say I kinda agree with where whispers is coming from... if the girl really doesn't want to be in it and just is dragging it out to avoid to issue  and using her kids as an excuse then the bride should have the right to have someone else stand in the other's spot, especially if the new girl really wants to be in it and doesn't care about replacing someone who really dosen't want to be there in the first place.  But I would say ya just wait a little longer before saying anything more to her, let her decide, just in case she really IS trying to find a babysitter. I have a little one too and some days can be busy but kids always nap...lol I have just been through something like this where my best friend got married and had a small wedding she asked her 3 sisters to be in the party and then the MOH sister was so jealous of the attention that everything was about their wedding that 3 weeks before the wedding she told her that she didn't want anything to do with her or the wedding.  And she called me and asked if i'd be her MOH..... i told her i thought her sister was a Bit** for doing that to her but i'd be more than happy to replace her.  I didn't care i only thought was her loss my gain.
Posted by sumgirl09[/QUOTE]

This is really funny. Especially that parts were <strong>bolded</strong> to make the point that was apparently unable to be made in this OP and subsequent follow-ups.  A valiant effort, but fooling no one.

bablingbrooke

The common denominator in 99% of "bad MOH/BM" posts is the bride having unrealistic expectations about what said MOH/BM is likely, able, and willing to do.  Many times it comes out that said MOH/BM was always flaky/low on cash/not a wedding person.  Many times it comes out that the bride only talked about the wedding and let the rest of the friendship slide.  Many times it comes out that the bride picked a dress without asking the MOH/BM for her budget.

Sometimes, yes, the MOH/BM is doing wrong.  But not often.  

sumgirl09

actaully i'm not in toronto not even in ontario, i didn't realize there was another one just cause its the first one. I  just read it cause it had lots of posts, sorry i take it back i don't agree with anyone.

mbcdefg

What?

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_getting-bm-out-of-wedding-long-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:9a0755bf-c2ab-4feb-b5ac-93779467a311Post:75ba2b42-7e8e-41e8-8f55-f134ff69583a">Re: Letting a BM out of the Wedding. (Long Vent!!)</a>:
[QUOTE]actaully i'm not in toronto not even in ontario, i didn't realize there was another one just cause its the first one. I  just read it cause it had lots of posts, sorry i take it back i don't agree with anyone.
Posted by sumgirl09[/QUOTE]

Okayyyyyyyyy....

CTGirl30

If anyone can decipher that, please let me know.

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_getting-bm-out-of-wedding-long-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:9a0755bf-c2ab-4feb-b5ac-93779467a311Post:75ba2b42-7e8e-41e8-8f55-f134ff69583a">Re: Letting a BM out of the Wedding. (Long Vent!!)</a>:
[QUOTE]actaully i'm not in toronto not even in ontario, i didn't realize there was another one just cause its the first one. I  just read it cause it had lots of posts, sorry i take it back i don't agree with anyone.
Posted by sumgirl09[/QUOTE]
My attempt at translation:<div>
</div><div><strong>actaully i'm not in toronto not even in ontario:</strong> Not anywhere in the same province as OP.</div><div>
</div><div><strong>i didn't realize there was another one just cause its the first one.:</strong> She didn't realize there were other Canadian locations she could choose from when setting up the account and she selected the first one from the drop-down menu. (Not sure I believe that since TK uses my address for determining my location, but that's neither here nor there.)</div><div>
</div><div><strong>I  just read it cause it had lots of posts: </strong>She read this thread because it had a lot of posts, not because she's an AE, and therefore it's a coincidence.</div>

blueeyedwonder4

Geez, talk about bridezillas in this post!  All this cattiness is making it seem like a Real Housewives episode.  But anyway... Whispers, if this woman (ur BM) is so annoying and does nothing, I don't understand why u would wnat her as a BM in the first place.  But sinc eyou already asked for her to be your BM, you are stuck with her and her issues.  As crappy as that is, dealing with her and not kicking her out will make you look like the bigger person.  If she is a good friend to her, then you should WANT to have her there and do as much as you can to help her be there at your wedding.  However, if your friendship is spoiled already, all you can do is give her all the nec. information and deadlines, offer to pay (and then go through with it) for babysitters and her dress deposit, and then just show up to your own wedding and see if she does too.  Whether she does or doesn't is her call--you did all you could do.

Cutie2882

Whispers, I am on your side. I had to do the same thing-ask someone to leave the wedding party. No, no one will ever care about your wedding as much as you will, but when you as someone to be in your wedding and they agree to it, they agree to atleast care a little bit. That person agrees to a financial committment too, whether it be $40 or $400 for a dress. It seems like you were very accomodating to her buy renting dresses and driving to her.

I had a similar situation with a girl in my bridal party-she actually set my fiance and me up but since I got engaged we had drifted apart and despite my efforts, she wasn't really into the friendship. We also work together so I see her every day, and it's hard not to be judgemental when you know what a person is doing all day. For example, she never returned e-mails to my MOH and was always "busy", however, I know she had time at work where she could have written back. It was very obvious that she didn't care at all about being in the wedding, other than throwing me some "ohh yeah I'm so excited" lines to make me believe otherwise. I STILL didn't want to ask her to leave the wedding party because I didn't want to cause problems or drama. Finally, when she caused a problem with my MOH I asked her to leave. I felt so much better after that because did I really want to look back on my wedding and remember how one person gave me so many problems?

My advice-think about how close you are-is this a good good friend that you would really miss? If so, have a talk with her and see if her heart is really in it. If she is a friend you aren't close with anymore and you have nothing to lose, ask her to leave. You don't need unnecessary drama on your big day.

whispers81

thanks cutie2882,

I don't need to worry anymore anyways, we have talked since last post couple of time and she has said finally that she "couldn't" be in it anymore ....unless she could bring the 3 kids, which i had already explain that it's a  kid free wedding .  She wasn't upset or angry or anything she just seem more like "whatever"  and wanted to get on talking about herself .she didn't really care either way. so no prob i'm just glad that i know, i don't feel as stress out wondering if she's going to show or not.

Lilou902

And did you ask someone else to be in your wedding?