INLAWS THAT HATE ME.... *BRIDE*

katiekombe

I have been with my fiancée for 10years and In that time I have has a really good relationship with his family, but in recent years we had a huge falling out and they have all turned on me and decided to hate me, now that we are getting married he want to include them in the wedding but I am not going to let it happen... What should I do?

jagore08

They're his family.  You're going to be a part of that family.  I think that you should try to mend things.  Not saying you should be BFFs with everyone but at least civil enough to have family gatherings.

suz62984

I 150% agree. If he wants them to be involved then you should try to mend things and involve them. It may not ever be said but i'm sure that there will be harboured resentment if you do not include them. Respect his wishes!

vsgal

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_inlaws-hate-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:9a5e061f-99b5-49c1-b738-67f045e7babfPost:80104069-3a78-4ed6-a43a-811a88313fc0">INLAWS THAT HATE ME.... *BRIDE*</a>:
[QUOTE]I have been with my fiancée for 10years and In that time I have has a really good relationship with his family, but in recent years we had a huge falling out and they have all turned on me and decided to hate me, now that we are getting married he want to include them in the wedding but I am not going to let it happen... What should I do?
Posted by katiekombe[/QUOTE]

Put your big girl panties on and get over it.  You don't have the right to exclude his family from important events.  He gets to have his family participate and you need to move on. You have entitlement issues, not family issues.

Lisa8888

I wonder why they hate you. You can't take it upon yourself to exclude his family. And his family is not required to like you.

banana468

I think you need to be the bigger person here.

What are the issues?  How does he want them involved?

Has he stood up for you?

bablingbrooke

Do you think these people are just going to vaporize the moment you marry this man?

If *everyone* in the family hates you, did you do something?  The common denominator here is you so it does beg the question.

trix1223

It's not just your wedding.  It's your FIs as well.   He wants them at HIS wedding~they're invited.  You are completely and totally out of line.

I have a son.  If his FI tried to tell me that I couldn't attend his wedding, I'd hate her too. 

aerinpegadrak

If my spouse was actively trying to block my family from having any part or presence at the wedding, I'd really question if this is the person I'd want to be spending the rest of my life with.

mstar284

I think you are going to have to get over it. I was shocked when you said, "...I'm not going to let it happen..." Really? It's his family! It's not your choice. Maybe involving them is the best way to repair the relationship.

jenn.daniel

How does he want to include them.  More importantly, how would THEY like to be included?  Maybe he wants to walk his mom down the aisle.  Maybe he wants his brother to be his best man.  Communcation!!

zitiqueen

How old are you?

jagore08

Katie, it might be a good idea to delete this account and make another one without your full name.  I was just able to look up your FB, Myspace, and your wedding website.

mysticl

If you make him pick between you and his family are you sure you will win?

janedoe1113a

It is not your choice whether his family comes to the wedding.  It is his wedding too.  You're treading on thin ice to think you can exclude his family.

annieLCC

I agree, involving them is the best way to repair the relationship. And it's your chance to show how gracious you can be. If you stay calm, polite and genuine throughout the ordeal, you'll have done your best and no one can hold you at fault in the end.

Excluding them would make him really sad, and the big day would be ruined because of it. If you exclude them from the wedding it would deepen the rift. You mentioned that you used to be close with them , so it shows that they're not totally unreasonable.

And if they did something that was truly horrible, keep there part in the wedding business-like, stand your ground, be reasonable. Be polite but firm that they will get everything a groom's family is entitled to on the day, but they will not be allowed to manipulate, walk all over you, and/ or otherwise ruin your wedding.

Express your concerns and wants with your fiance, enlist his help to meet them, and to keep things cool.

megk8oz

Why do they hate you? I really find it hard to believe that they all just woke up one morning and decided they hated you for the heck of it.

Anyway, it's his family, so it's his decision as to whether or not they're involved. Not yours.

jaimed99

OP, I am in the same boat you are in. I've known my FI since I was 12 and graduated high school with his younger sister, so we've known each other a very long time (ok I'm not THAT old but 17 years is a long time!). Since my FI and I started dating, and in the subsequent time have gotten engaged and had our son, the relationship that I thought was good turned out to be not so great. My FMIL dislikes me for no reason that she can validate, and my FSIL (the one I graduated with) and I have a rocky relationship. I have a pretty good relationship with his other sister, so that makes things go a bit more smoothly and she plays mediator between us most of the time...

My advice to you is do what I've been doing...try to find out what's made them suddenly dislike you and try to make amends...even if it means giving in for the sake of everyone's sanity. If your FI wants them included, then by all means include them...if he told you that he didn't want your family involved, would you not be upset/angry/offended? Both of my FSILs are going to be BMs, one (who isn't the one I graduated with) is my MOH. I'm not saying that you HAVE to have your future sibs-in-law in your WP (if they stand on his side, that's his call, not yours!) but you're marrying into his family as much as you're marrying him...they'll be around for as long as you're together...which I hope will be a very long time!

banana468

My major take on things:

What is the issue here?  If they've done something awful then I'd want my FI to support me.  If I can't be in the same room as someone who say, tried to hit me with her car, then that person is off the guest list.

However, if this is a falling out then please don't put your foot down.  It is your FI's wedding too so involving them means a lot to him.

My major concern is that you two are on the same page in how you'll deal with family situations now and in the future.  After all, the wedding is just the beginning.