Should I add another bridesmaid?

megan.eichman

I have already chosen my wedding party, 6 bridesmaids. I have selected their dresses, but they have not ordered them yet. My fiancee also has 6 groomsman. However, when I messaged a friend to see how she was doing, I'm afraid she assumed that she was going to be a bridesmaid.

We have known each other since we were two, and were close in grade school. We grew apart in college and only got together every once in awhile. 

Only we haven't spoken in about 7 months, and now I feel terrible. Should I just add her because we've been friends for so long?

mbcdefg

If you haven't spoken in seven months, then it seems like you're not close anymore. Which is fine. Your bridesmaids are supposed to be your closest friends (CURRENT closest friends, not childhood friends you've lost touch with), and since you didn't include her right off the bat then she's probably not a close friend anymore.

Childhood promises mean nothing when you're an adult. Adding her will not rekindle your friendship. You will probably just get frustrated that she's not close to you and is hard to get ahold of. Being a bridesmaid doesn't automatically make someone a better friend or a better helper. People don't change.  

I would not add her just to spare her feelings. If she's disappointed, well, that's her own fault for getting her hopes up. You haven't spoken in seven months ... I don't see how she could possibly think that you're still as close as you once were. Not everyone can be a bridesmaid, it's part of life. it's not like you're excluding a good friend just to keep the numbers even (now THAT would be crummy, but it seems like that's not the case here).

And seeing as how you went so long without speaking ... if for some reason she decides to stop speaking to you over this, then there will probably be no love lost, right?

HisCB

i wouldnt add her now, it can be pretty apparent that you only added her because she assumed, and not because you really wanted her there, especially because the dresses were already ordered.
if you do it, be super careful about it.

megan.eichman

ILoveMilkDuds - I asked how she was doing because I needed her address for the wedding. Then she said: "Well I was sure I would have heard more about your plans by now."

CTGirl30

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_should-add-another-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:9ae681c1-935c-459e-8121-aa9fe9e8fa33Post:ae70a228-7a77-41de-a078-786deb230cbf">Re: Should I add another bridesmaid?</a>:
[QUOTE]ILoveMilkDuds  - I asked how she was doing because I needed her address for the wedding. Then she said: "Well I was sure I would have heard more about your plans by now."
Posted by megan.eichman@gmail.com[/QUOTE]

That reply doesn't necessarily indicate she thought she would be a BM in your wedding. It sounds like she might be wondering why you went 7 months without speaking. Friendship is a 2-way street, right?

Only ask her if you WANT to honor her as a friend and have her stand up for you. Do not ask out of a sense of guilt, obligation, or fear that someone is assuming they're to be asked. In this case it doesn't even sound like she's assuming she should be a BM.