Sister's not excited to be a BM, now what?

spraschak

So I asked my sister to be my bridesmaid thinking she'd be excited for but with the expectation that she would make every excuse under the sun -- which she did. I eneded the conversation with her saying "Well, think about it and get back to me." After mulling over the conversation for 2 days, I'm wondering if I should call her back up and explain that if she's not excited to do this then I don't want her to feel obligated.

(And the majority of her excuses were about money, which really is not a problem for her. I mean, yes, being a bridesmaid can be expensive but she could afford it if she wanted to.)

ecsmiles

I think if she's thinking it over, she'll let you know when she's ready one way or another.  But you need to keep in mind that you can't dictate how people spend their money, and most often you don't know the exact details of her financial situation.  Being a bridesmaid can cost hundreds of dollars, and she honestly may not want to put that type of stress on herself.  I'd just let it go and wait until she tells you her answer.

mbcdefg

You already asked her, so it would be very rude to tell her that you think she should back out since she's not excited enough.

Nobody will ever be as excited for your wedding as you will be. If she's not typically an excitable person, then asking her to be a BM won't change that. And she may not be excited because it's still 9 months away ... for some people, it's quite hard to get excited for someone else's event that far out.

How old is your sister? If she's under about 23 or so, then she may just be not interested in weddings right now. Many girls that age are more focused on their own lives and their friends. If she's not married or in a relationship herself, then she may not be interested because it's not something she's really thought about for herself lately (the people who've shown the most interest in my wedding are girls who are engaged themselves, recently married, hoping to get engaged soon, or the women who have adult daughters who are getting married/just got married).

And even if she's not young or single, some women just aren't into weddings. Not every woman watches TLC or looks longingly at bridal magazines. Is she the type who'd rather go to the courthouse, or throw a low-budget wedding and use all that money for something else? Maybe it's hard for her to get excited about blowing thousands of dollars on a party when there's people buried iunder rubble in Haiti.

It is not your place to say if people can afford something or if she's lying about her financial situation. Being a bridesmaid rarely costs a person JUST the cost of the dress ... there are alterations, maybe new shoes and accessories, maybe getting hair/makeup/nails done, if they want to contribute to hosting a shower or bachelorette for you, they will probably get you a shower gift and a wedding gift, there's hotel accommodations, maybe airfare or a rental car, etc. Your responsibility is to ask each BM what she can afford for a dress and then pick out a dress they can all afford (or chip in money if you want something pricier) ... and anything beyond that that you want to require (hair, makeup, nails, hotel rooms, whatever) is your responsibility to fund.

But ... if she was alwasy the type to get excited for your happy life events, and this reaction was TOTALLY out of left field ... then you need to have a talk with her. Do not make it centered around your wedding. Take her out for coffee and say something like, "I feel like we used to be close, but recently I get the feeling that we're drifting apart a bit. Is there something bothering you?"

bablingbrooke

mbc, LOVE the new sig photo

mbcdefg

Thanks Babling! It's from something that Jimmy Kimmel did about the Leno-Conan situation. If you haven't seen the YouTube video yet, it's hilarious:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKZ1lMtd2NE

I miss Conan already.

latashaphillips81

wow, i went through the same thing with my sister in a sense (she is 18 and i am 28) i asked her to be my MOH and she said she couldnt support my decision to marry my FI. she doesnt like him b/c he is divorced and he "abandoned" his family. he still is very involved in his girls lives and they come stay with us every weekend and holiday.anyways she said she couldnt do it because she hated him with a passion so i said fine, if she didnt want to i wasnt going to bug her but she would need to explain to everyone why she didnt want to do it because i wasnt going to. she finally came around and said she wanted to about a week later but i told her i had already picked my girls so she could be a BM if she wanted and she accepted. she's really excited now even though she still doesnt like my FI


---sorry so long but even if she didnt stand in its something she will miss out and possibly regret or feel bad about later. HTH