I was her MOH- does she need to be in my wedding?

chicameeow

Hi everyone-- I'm a first time writer!

I'm having a dilemma about selecting my bridal party.  In particular, I was the MOH 2 years ago in a friend's wedding.  We were friendly back in high school, but have grown apart in more recent yrs (I was surprised when she asked me to be MOH).  Since I have many other friends who are "nearer and dearer" to me these days-- I am not planning to ask her to be a bridesmaid.  

Do I need to tell her directly that she's not gonna be a BM, or just let time pass and hopefully have the issue blow over?

Thanks everyone!! 

emilykathleen511

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_her-moh-she-need-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a04cb4f1-8985-4ef8-b150-7c8923b00590Post:38f05dda-e0a6-49ba-a7d5-5254571e4d5b">I was her MOH- does she need to be in my wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi everyone-- I'm a first time writer! I'm having a dilemma about selecting my bridal party.  In particular, I was the MOH 2 years ago in a friend's wedding.  We were friendly back in high school, but have grown apart in more recent yrs (I was surprised when she asked me to be MOH).  Since I have many other friends who are "nearer and dearer" to me these days-- I am not planning to ask her to be a bridesmaid.   Do I need to tell her directly that she's not gonna be a BM, or just let time pass and hopefully have the issue blow over? Thanks everyone!! 
Posted by chicameeow[/QUOTE]

Please don't tell her that she didn't make the cut (unless she specifically asks). She will figure it out. If she still wants to participate in planning or whatever and offers, that is just fine. She does not need to be a bridesmaid to help you. Just make sure you take a nice picture with her at the wedding.   :)

gottahavashorti

Let time pass.  Discussing it with her would probably end badly.

emilyinchile

No, she doesn't need to be in your wedding.

And ditto Emily, don't bring it up with her. That conversation is never going to go well (there's no really nice way to say "I don't like you as much as I like other people"). If she asks who your BMs are, it's fine to tell her. If she's rude enough to ask why she isn't one, say something about how you couldn't ask everyone you're close with but hope she'll be able to be there as a guest (if you're inviting her - which you don't need to do either).

bablingbrooke

No, she doesn't automatically get a spot in yours.  But PLEASE don't have the "why you aren't in the wedding" talk.  If she asks, you don't owe her an explanation.  But providing one is sure to put a strain on your friendship.  So best not to bring it up.

trix1223

No.  WPs are not tit for tat.  There is no requirement to ask someone to be in your WP.

But ditto the others who have said not to have a talk. How does that go anyway?  "Well, I know we were friendly in HS, and that I was in your wedding, but frankly, you're just not that important to me anymore."

You don't tell someone what they're NOT doing.  She'll figure it out.  And if she does ask, the polite answer is "I am so looking forward to having you and your DH as a guest at our wedding.  Have you tried this bean dip?  It's delicious!"

CTGirl30

Nope, you don't need to ask someone to be in your WP just because you were in theirs back when they got married.

Don't offer an explanation to the person whom you didn't ask. It's rude. They will figure it out as time passes....It's also rude if that person asks YOU why they didn't get asked to be in the WP and if that should happen, respond as tactfully as you can - "We couldn't possibly have asked everyone to be in the WP but I'd be so honored if you would come to the wedding and celebrate with us!"

chicameeow

Thanks for all the advice, ladies!  It's much appreciated :-D