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Bridesmaidzilla's Are stressing me out!

Hello everyone,
   I am getting married on May 15, 2010, I have had all my Bridesmaids and groomsmen picked out for a few months now.The groomesmen all went to get measured and make their deposit, except for one my fiance's brother in law, his sisters husband, she already made her deposit, but he never did, his deadline was twosaturdays ago.I kept calling both of them and they never returned my calls and he never went to get measured once again this past Sat. So I dropeed both of them becaiuse they obviously don't want to be in my wed.Was I wrong to do that? I called them for a whole week and never heard from them.

It's been a nightmare since day one, I should've just eloped. during christmas I told his other sister our wedding date and she said her sons birthday is that day and that she was having a party for him, so she couldn't attend. I suggested she have his party a day before or a day afer. But she said wel his birthday is that day.I don't know what to do anymore with his family, I am very confused, do I want to marry into this family?

His mom however said she will be attending.

Need advise please..

Re: Bridesmaidzilla's Are stressing me out!

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    So you kicked out one of your bridesmaids becuase her husband hasn't been measured?


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    Wait you dropped your FI's sister from your wedding party and her husband?  You dropped family because he didn't put the deposit down?  Damn. 

    And you are upset because she is putting her son before you? 

    She's not the -zilla here.  You are. 

    Damn.
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    You are bing the bridezilla, they are just trying to keep up.

    So you dropped a FAMILY MEMBER out of the WP for not calling you for a week? That's just nuts. Did it ever occur to you that maybe they have something else going on in their lives besides your wedding. FYI- It does not take 2 months to get a tux rental. We often go a week beforehand when FI needs to come to a formal even with me, and that's plenty of time.

    If his sister doesn't want to attend your wedding, then so be it. Not everyone will be able to work with your schedule. She gets to choose her own priorities. And if you are being such an AW that you drop family members from the WP after a week with no communication, then I wouldn't want to go to your wedding either.

    I think you need to calm down. Send out invitations, collect the RSVPs and stop badgering his family. If they want to be in the WP, they will get the prescribed attire and show up. If they don't show up, then they have removed themselves, without YOU looking like a B, and you just have 2 less people standing up with you.
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    You kicked out people because one hasn't been measured and they won't return your phone calls?

    I have to say, I don't think that was a nice or prudent decision.

    Is there more to this story?
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    Come up with better MUD. That's my advice.
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    OMG Do I seem that Bitchy?LOL Maybe I am being a little sarcastic, but till this day I have not heard from either one of them. What choice do I have? And as far as the sister that has her son's birthday on the same day, Do't you think a wedding is far more important than her son's birthday party? She can make an exception for her brother, don't you think?So if I am wrong, do I ask her to still be in the wedding without her husband or do I just leave things the way they are? The tux place wasn't calling me almost everyday because of the deadline, that's the only reason why I expected FI to go and get measured asap.

    Maybe I am just stressing too much!
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    You're definitely stressing too much.  Call and apologize.
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    I'm assuming your FI knew when his nephew's birthday was and as you are with him, I would think you would know as well.  And you picked your wedding day as his birthday anyway.  So no, your wedding doesn't get to trump a child's birthday.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaidzillas-stressing-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a05540c3-0df8-4728-bc51-a516bb1610dcPost:d7a0dd53-9e1b-48b6-8e96-92728bda3d2d">Bridesmaidzilla's Are stressing me out!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hello everyone,    I am getting married on May 15, 2010, I have had all my Bridesmaids and groomsmen picked out for a few months now.The groomesmen all went to get measured and make their deposit, except for one my fiance's brother in law, his sisters husband, she already made her deposit, but he never did, his deadline was twosaturdays ago.I kept calling both of them and they never returned my calls and he never went to get measured once again this past Sat. So I dropeed both of them becaiuse they obviously don't want to be in my wed.Was I wrong to do that? I called them for a whole week and never heard from them. It's been a nightmare since day one, I should've just eloped. during christmas I told his other sister our wedding date and she said her sons birthday is that day and that she was having a party for him, so she couldn't attend. I suggested she have his party a day before or a day afer. But she said wel his birthday is that day.I don't know what to do anymore with his family, I am very confused, do I want to marry into this family? His mom however said she will be attending. Need advise please..
    Posted by Marilynor[/QUOTE]

    JIC

    You over-reacted when you kicked people out of your WP.  I'd suggest calling them both and telling them that you had caught a serious case of the wedding "sillies", but fortunately, you've recovered and hope that they'll accept your sincere apologies for your behavior. 

    You were wrong here, not them.

    As for the b'day party-yes, I think that  the sister could have planned the party on a different day.  If she calls your bluff and sticks to her "not coming to the wedding" status, I'd shake my head a little, put on a sad little smile, and say "I'm so sorry to hear that.  You'll be missed."
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    Is this a joke?

    And in case it's not, then no. I don't think your wedding is or should be more important to her than her child's birthday. If you cared so much about her coming, you should have checked the date with her before you chose it - obviously this doesn't apply for every guest, but you can be that I made sure my dad and best friends were free on our wedding date before booking anything.
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    You do not have a bridesmaidzilla problem, you have a bridezilla problem. Stop! Reevaluate how much drama you are going to cause by "dropping" family out of a wedding, and then call and appologize.

    You are acting completely unreasonable.
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    Whoa. Take a chill pill. Then step back and try to look at it from their perspective. I personally think you went way over-board. I understand the stress and everything, but dropping them out of your WP just because they have lives and didn't talk for 1 week? That's pretty extreme...

    I agree with PP. On all points.
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    My brother picked his wedding date. It's my other brothers (His best man) birthday. It's not a crazy thing to just not think of. One of DH groomsmen's birthday was our day too. She's being a spoiled brat by holding the party that day, and you are over reacting over a silly tux situation. Not to mention if she said she wasn't coming, then I'd guess her husband wouldn't either, thus why he didn't go get measured for his tux. Call and apologise, see what is going on, and try to work something out calmly. It sounds like everyone here is upset about something that's going on, and no one is talking/listening to anyone else.
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    I hope this is MUD and nobody in real life actually does this.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaidzillas-stressing-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a05540c3-0df8-4728-bc51-a516bb1610dcPost:8b3e629a-ef6d-4ae8-9719-8e27c2a38302">Re: Bridesmaidzilla's Are stressing me out!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I hope this is MUD and nobody in real life actually does this.
    Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

    Ditto.
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    Just thought I'd throw in there that from how I read this -

    the mother of the birthday boy is NOT the sister that was thrown out of the wedding party.  They are 2 different women.

    One woman (bridesmaid)  and her husband (groomsman) who didn't order his tux
    were both thrown out.

    The mother of birthday boy isn't coming because it's the day of her son's birthday.

    It helps to keep all the players straight.

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    You kicked out a bridesmaid - who is also your FSIL - who put her deposit down on  her dress... because her husband didn't get measured for his tux (which by the way, can be done until about 2 weeks before the wedding)?!

    Oy vey.

    Yeah, you're wrong.  Very, very, very wrong.
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    Here's how it works:  you choose a dress and a tux.  Tell WP members how much it costs, and where to buy said attire.  If you feel super helpful, you can find out when the absolute, final day to order the attire is and let them know.

    Then you wash your hands of it.  If a member of the party does not get the proper attire by the day of the wedding, then they have effectively removed themselves from the wedding party.  No kicking-out required.

    As far as the B-day party; tell her that she and nephew will be missed and leave it at that.  You're getting yourself far too worked up here.

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    Honestly I can't believe you guys would have picked that date without checking with that sister...I would assume when you were picking dates your FI knew it was his nephew's birthday. Something like that is kind of important. So I can't believe there is no way you guys didn't know it was his birthday when you picked the date.
    And as for kicking out the BM and GM basically because they weren't returning calls is INSANE! And they are family. That is HORRIBLE! Did you ever think for a second maybe they were going through something where they didn't have time to go get measured for you wedding or take your calls. You know everyone elses lives don't stop just because you are getting married.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaidzillas-stressing-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a05540c3-0df8-4728-bc51-a516bb1610dcPost:46bc2f39-6397-461a-9fa8-e3a7ded4033c">Re: Bridesmaidzilla's Are stressing me out!</a>:
    [QUOTE]OMG Do I seem that Bitchy?LOL Maybe I am being a little sarcastic, but till this day I have not heard from either one of them. What choice do I have? And as far as the sister that has her son's birthday on the same day, Do't you think a wedding is far more important than her son's birthday party? She can make an exception for her brother, don't you think?So if I am wrong, do I ask her to still be in the wedding without her husband or do I just leave things the way they are? The tux place wasn't calling me almost everyday because of the deadline, that's the only reason why I expected FI to go and get measured asap. Maybe I am just stressing too much!
    Posted by Marilynor[/QUOTE]
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    Your wedding is not the most important event in anyone's life but yours and your FI's. You were in the wrong to kick them both out. Number one, the sister did nothing wrong. You punished her because her DH didn't get his stuff together. And even if you kicked him out alone, you STILL would have been in the wrong. Kicking people out is wrong and hurtful. You have created unnecessary family drama and don't be surprised if the whole family takes the side that is against you.

    Her son's birthday is WAY more important to her than your wedding. The whole universe does not revolve around you, even ON your wedding day. Apologize and try to salvage what you can. No bridesmaid-zillas here, just a full blown bridezilla.
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    The tux place keeps calling because they want to make a sale.  No tux place needs more than 2 weeks to do a fitting.  They know that if they harass you, you will go all bridal on your WP and make them do it.  It's the oldest sales trick in the book.  You have 3 months until the wedding.  When we got the GM tuxes, they had until 2 weeks before the wedding to order w/o a rush fee and up to 3 days before the wedding with a rush fee.  I would be very surprised if your place was wildly different.

    Go grovel.  Now.  
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaidzillas-stressing-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a05540c3-0df8-4728-bc51-a516bb1610dcPost:a8a510eb-b861-4381-8545-0d1209fc1570">Re: Bridesmaidzilla's Are stressing me out!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Come up with better MUD. That's my advice.
    Posted by mbcdefg[/QUOTE]

    <div>This.  </div>
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    Oh wow, your wedding is 3 months away?

    Tuxes don't need to be ordered until way later. You need to definitely apologize!
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    I didn't pic the date, my priest did. I was originally getting married on May 22nd. But he said that he makes the choice for the date not me.
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    Hi.  Ok, First, I think a lot of these girls  are jumping down your throat.  I do think you are over reacting though.  OUr tux place set our measurement deadline 3.5 months before our wedidng but blatantly told us that they have up to two weeks before without getting additional charges and can still get the tux the week before.  They said they set it earlier b/c they know the guys will ignore the first deadline.  Hopefully they do have a good reason for not responding to you...however, i think that is so RUDE!!  They are married they should understand the stress and not add to it.  I don't care how busy someone is they have time to send a text and say "I got your message things are hectice, call you soon to explain".  That's all that was needed and you are right for being frustrated.  Now where is your FI????  This is his family, why is he not communicating with them and backing you up???  I'd see call them see what's going on and plan on appologizing.  They will be your family forever.  Whether or not you have them stand up is up to you and your FI after what they tell you the problem is.

    Now...is the bday drama with the same sister in law?  I think that is INSANE!!  I'm sorry but a child's birthday PARTY does not compare to a wedding.  It's not like they can't still have a party for the kid!!  I'm not saying the bday isn't important b/c it is and good for the parents for wanting to make it special.  But that can be done like you said the day before or after!  When a bday falls during the week it's common to wait and have the party on a more convenient day...this falls under the same principal.  I think that sis in law is being a jerk. 

    You need to try (I know it's hard) to let this go and focus on your wedding day and what it means and ALL of the other people who do love you enough to be there!!

    Good luck
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    I made the call already.I'm just going to leave it alone. Thanks ladies..

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    I like Fiddle14's answer and tone.  While I agree with most of the PPs in terms of the first issue (kicking people out of a wedding party after a week of phone calls strikes me as a bit extreme), I must admit I'm with Marilynor on the child's birthday party.  I mean, seriously ladies, would you guys miss your sibling's wedding so that you could take your kid to Chuck E. Cheese?  I get that the world doesn't revolve around us (even on our wedding day), but for a family member that close (as opposed to a cousin or something) to behave that way seems a bit odd to me. 
    But the truth came out a little bit later...sounds like the hubby's family isn't that close to begin with.  So my question is...why are you stressing about it?  You're at a 10 when you need to be at a 2.  As other people have said, calm down, do your best with the planning (without micromanaging everyone half to death), and just enjoy this period.  You'll never get to do this again (well, ideally you won't have to), so please please please try to relish each moment and not let weird family dynamics rob you of your joy.  Good luck!
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    MarilynorMarilynor member
    First Comment
    edited March 2010
    Thanks I appreciate all the advice, I guess I am over reacting for the most part. Well I called My FSI and apologized for acting like a Bridezilla and kicking her and hubby out, she said she was going to record me and send it to the show.lol  She also said her hubby was planning to go get measured today even if they weren't in the wedding.lol I called him and he's going today.He also called me a bridezilla.lol So now I am stress free and so happy Communication is the key to solving such minor issues that I made such a big deal about! :)

    As for the other FSI having the birthday party for her son on the day of our wedding.She is still having the party and missing her brothers wedding, so I will leave it for what it is.
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