Paying for Bridesmaids' Dresses? + Poll

sarahdactyI

Hi All!

I can't seem to find a relevant post, but I am curious -- is it terribly wrong for the bride's parents to buy the wedding party's dresses? My mom has said multiple times that she doesn't want anyone to be left out of the WP due to finances. I haven't picked my WP as I'm not getting married until November 2013, but the girls I'm planning on asking are all still getting on their feet (we had the pleasure of graduating at the start of the recession, so everyone has either gone back to parents' or to grad school). So it would be a huge help financially to some of them, especially those who will have to travel.

I have no qualms about budgeting for the girls' dresses, I just want to be sure it really will be making things easier and won't be offensive to the bridesmaids. I wonder, if this is their one obligation to just buy the dress, is it offensive to say "oh no, we'll take care of that"? Am I overthinking this?

The only time I've heard of the bride's family paying for BM dresses is if the bridesmaids are sisters/family, or if there's just one bridesmaid. FWIW, I'm planning on asking 4 girls. 

I don't want anyone to feel like they owe me/my parents anything. Also, I think my mom really just wants to give us girls "a treat," which I think could be accomplished by having some sort of spa day or paying for the girls' hair to be done.

Oh and just to clarify! This would be in addition to whatever gift I get the WP, as I have read numerous posts about anything given to wear the day of is not a gift!

Thanks in advance!

aerinpegadrak

As you said, it's a little early to be thinking about this now.  The budget discussion should happen individually before shopping begins regardless of circumstances, so it's fine to say at that point, "My mom was thinking about paying for the dresses, if that's okay with you."  But honestly, I can't imagine anyone in their right mind who'd get outraged or offended at the idea and insist on shelling out for it themselves.  In general, people tend to be okay with free stuff, especially free stuff they thought they were going to have to pay for.

Now, if YOU aren't comfortable with your mother paying for it, that's another thing.  If you'd rather she not spend her money on this, then you can help keep things affordable by getting the budgets in advance and sticking to them; on tight budgets, it's usually easier to give them some very basic guidelines (like, say, any black dress) and let them shop individually from non-bridal lines. 

Spunky414

If the bride told me she'd be covering the bridesmaids' dresses my first thought would be "Awesome" not "she must think I'm broke." If you aren't comfortable with your mom's money going to it you need to talk to her about it, when my mom offers to spend time or money on X thing, it's not for use on Y thing, especially if X is a necessity and Y is a nice to have. 

sarahdactyI

Thanks for the insights! I'm glad that it isn't unheard of to do it this way. I definitely have lots of time to discuss it with my mom, just wanted to see what others thought before I made an issue of it with her.

Ali092011

Stage made a good point. It's really generous of your parents to offer, but sometimes money comes with strings, and you want to make sure your BMs will at least have a say in which dresses they end up wearing.

However, like Spunky said, if I were a BM and the bride came to me and said my dress would be paid for, I'd think it was really generous and sweet. I wouldn't be offended at all. And I wouldn't necessarily mind being asked to wear a dress I'm not crazy about, as I'm not the one paying. Still, do try to keep your BMs preferences and suggestions in mind while shopping.

RebeccaB88

I don't see why anyone would have a problem with you paying for the dresses.  My mom will be paying for my girls' dresses, but that's because she thinks it's appallingly, pearl-clutchingly rude to ask bridesmaids to pay for anything at all.  I think they would be relieved to not have to worry about the cost.  (I assume you'd pay for the alterations too?)

I do agree to let the girls have a say in which dress they wear, though. Mom and I are still going back and forth on this.  In her world, the bride picks the dress and the maids shut up and wear it with a smile. I want my girls to be comfortable (not as uncomfortable as I was at my sister's wedding, in an unflattering dress), and I want them to look beautiful, both for themselves and for my pictures.  Therefore, they need to help choose.

mcskatcat

My mom's family always provided the attire for the WP (my mom made her own BM dresses!) and so it was something she insisted on doing when I got married.  I think everyone was fine with it, not offended.  I also think it takes a little pressure off of what you choose because if they don't care for it too much, then at least they aren't paying for it.  And if you read through the boards, a lot of people have problems getting the girls to order their dresses on time, so this saves you that issue as well.  I think your BM's will recognize it as a nice gesture.

sarahdactyI

I definitely want my girls to be comfortable the one time I was a BM, I was really self conscious about my figure (petite but top heavy at the time) and the ONLY thing I wanted was to be able to have some sort of straps. One of my fellow BMs had the same worry and some pretty significant emotional hangups about her shoulders/back, so of course, Bride picked strapless, low-back orange dresses and wouldn't let me put even spaghetti straps on. It was pretty lame. I took great pleasure in donating that dress, but I hope they destroyed it.

So! I'm hoping to go A line, or pick the color and fabric and let people choose the style top they want, in blue or deep purple. So hopefully won't ruffle too many feathers anyway but I will be sure to ask if there's anything that they're uncomfortable with. My one experience was super lame, and I'd hate to do that to my best friends on FI and my big day  

Vrichie

Just coming from a bridesmaid point of view I see buying the dress as a duty of the bridesmaid.  If you give your maids enough notice (IE don't wait until a few months out to ask them) they should have plenty of time to budget enough money for a dress (I know most stores offer a payment plan since they usually take at least a few weeks to come in the maid can pay so much per week).  Going along with this you wouldn't want to force the maids to buy a dress that is a ton of money either.  Lucky for me and my maids, the dresses they picked out were $99-150 which I thought was a very reasonable price for a bridesmaid dress.

However, if your mom would like to pay for everyones dress, I suppose that is up to her.  It's really sweet of her to offer at least, and it will take some pressure off your maids.