Wedding Party
Options

Not asking Sister-in-laws to be Bridesmaids- OK?

Right now I have the perfect amount of females- my sister, two cousins, and best friend.  My fiance has the same amount of guys.  However, he has two sisters.  If I ask them, then he'll have to come up with some random guys he isn't close with.  Is it mean if I don't include them?  I am only semi-close with one of them.  Plus, if I ask them just to be polite then I have to get the bigger limo bus, pay for two extra people to have hair and nails done, and get two more gifts for my bridesmaids.  I feel like things are starting to get out of hand if I do things to be polite.  My fiance's mother seems to think they are going to be in my wedding and keeps making comments about us all going dress shopping.  The other thing is that his mom isn't really helping pay for anything.  Otherwise, I may be a little more willing to ask them just to avoid problems.  HELP!  Am I just asking for trouble by leaving them out??

Re: Not asking Sister-in-laws to be Bridesmaids- OK?

  • Options
    Why would your FI have to come up with two random guys?
    image
  • Options
    Well, remember that sides don't have to be even.

    Why not talk to your FI and see what he's thinking?:  They could be groom's attendants and stand on his side or they could do readings.

    If you don't want them to be BMs dont' ask them, but don't think that you need to keep things even.
  • Options
    First things first: sides don't have to be even, nor do they have to be of the same gender.

    If you're close with his sisters and/or they/you guys would feel more comfortable having them on the bride's side, ask them. You have 6 BMs and 4 GMs - 2 lucky guys get to walk with 2 girls each. Hardly the end of the world.

    If he's closer with them, he can have them on his side (many people have them in the same BM dress or the same dress in a different color, if you're worried about what they'd wear). 4 BMs, 6 groom's attendants, people can walk however and no one will think the girls are a couple if they walk next to each other. Again, world still on its axis.

    Or don't ask them. However, in some families it's a given that siblings will be in the WP, and it sounds like your FMIL thinks like that. It would probably cause drama and hurt feelings not to include them, and I don't think that would be worth it. The only bad option here is asking them and adding people you or your FI aren't particularly close with to make up even numbers.
  • Options
    ditto the smart emily.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • Options
    It's fine not to have them in the wedding if siblings not being in the wedding is a non-issue in his family and neither of you are close enough to ask them to be attendants.  Otherwise it's easiest to ask them to be in the wedding.

    They can be either bridesmaids or groomswomen.

    Sides can be uneven.
  • Options
    His siblings stood on his side, my siblings stood on mine, regardless of gender.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • Options
    bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited July 2010
    Which will cause you the most long-term headache: Including them or not including them?  In three months, will your FMIL still be talking about it?  Will the sisters bring it up at future family get-togethers?  Are they the passive-aggressive type?  Is your family the type where not asking them will raise eyebrows?  Do THEY even want to be in the wedding or is this your FMIL's thing?

    I had the requisite sibling in the WP and didn't regret it.  It would have been more trouble than not to include her and, nearly a year later, I'm actually really happy I did.  Remember that these ladies will be family after the wedding.  So plan accordingly.

    Remember that you don't have to have pro hair and makeup for your WP, so you could just make it optional so that all BMs, including the two sisters, can opt in and pay for their own.  WP gifts don't break the bank.  And sides don't have to be even.  If you don't want them, you don't want them, but don't make up excuses for why.  Just take the long view when you make the decision.

    ETA: It almost sounds like you're using this as a way of punishing your FMIL for not contributing to the wedding.  Your OP makes it sound like, "Well, if she was paying for things, I'd be happy to have the sisters, but since she's not I'm not going to do it."  Maybe that wasn't your intention and I read it wrong.  But if that is your attitude, I guarantee that's a recipe for disaster.
    Courtesy of megk8oz
    image
    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
  • Options
    I agree that the sides don't have to be even and that all the people on your side or your FI's side don't have to be the same gender. My DH and his sister are really close but at first we didn't have her in the wedding party (because DH didn't think that she cared about being in the wedding - I had a feeling she was hurt that she wasn't asked and it turns out I was correct). He asked her to stand up with him and I am so glad that he did! Not only was she a blast to have as a groomswoman, we managed to avoid a lot of hurt feelings.
    PPs had great advice - is this something they are going to hold a grudge against for years to come? If so, ask them! But if they are close to your FI, there is no reason they can't stand up with him!
  • Options

    neither my brother nor his sister are in the wedding party.

    but leaving them out due to even sides its a no-no.

    image
  • Options
    Since they're his sisters talk to him. I have my FI's sister as a BM but he also has my Bother as a GM so its even that way.
  • Options
    Alright, I want to clear things up a bit.  I'm not leaving them out for the money aspect.  My fiance is not close with either of his sisters and tells me to not have either of them.  I feel like I HAVE to have them because his mother keeps making comments about it.  I wouldn't mind giving into what she wants, but things are getting really expensive.  I have been thinking about asking his younger sister to be a bridesmaid and the older sister to do the guestbook at the reception.  Do you think it's wrong to have one and not the other???  I would just be more comfortable having people that I can be myself around.  His older sister definitely isn't someone that I can just relax and have fun with.  I'm just torn...  What a headache!
  • Options
    I think it would be more insulting to put one in the WP and one on the guest book than to exclude both.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • Options
    Guestbook is a shiit job that no one over age 12 wants.

    Either have both or none.  I vote for both.  Think of it as buying yourself some family peace.  Some things are worth fighting on principle.  This is not one of them.  Pick your battles wisely.  Conceding on this doesn't mean that FMIL is running your relationship or marriage.  It does not make you a doormat or mean that your wedding won't be the way you want it.  Conceding on this means you're extending an olive branch to people who will be in your life for a long, long time, and you want to start that out on the right foot.

    Think about it: FSsIL will be at the pre-wedding events, RD, and wedding itself.  Is it really that big a deal to have them wear the dress and stand up at the front, rather than in the front row?
    Courtesy of megk8oz
    image
    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
  • Options
    This is you and your Fiance's wedding not you mother-in-laws. If you are even questioning the whole situation to be polite, then don't ask them. I know how you feel trying to please everyone and it does get out of hand. PLEASE yourself, not everyone else.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards