Wedding Party

Best friend vs. event planner? MOH etiquette

I just recently got engaged, but I have always wanted my best and closest friend (of 8 years) to be my maid of honor.  The problem?  One of my other close friends (of around 6 years, but introduced to me by my hopeful MOH) has been determined to plan my wedding since my fiance and I started dating.  I am 100% happy that she is so willing to help me plan my DIY wedding, and wedding and event planning is her future career, but I'm concerned that this is not proper, since traditionally the MOH is the right hand gal when it comes to planning. I do plan on asking her to be a bridesmaid, as we are also fairly close. The other slight problem that could thicken the pot: these two friends of mine aren't exactly on speaking terms.  How do I approach this situation, and whats the best way to let down my party planning friend? OR, am I making a huge mistake by not choosing the party planner as my MOH?

Re: Best friend vs. event planner? MOH etiquette

  • In Response to Best friend vs. event planner? MOH etiquette:
    I just recently got engaged, but I have always wanted my best and closest friend (of 8 years) to be my maid of honor.  The problem?  One of my other close friends (of around 6 years, but introduced to me by my hopeful MOH) has been determined to plan my wedding since my fiance and I started dating.  I am 100% happy that she is so willing to help me plan my DIY wedding, and wedding and event planning is her future career, but I'm concerned that this is not proper, since traditionally the MOH is the right hand gal when it comes to planning. I do plan on asking her to be a bridesmaid, as we are also fairly close. The other slight problem that could thicken the pot: these two friends of mine aren't exactly on speaking terms.  How do I approach this situation, and whats the best way to let down my party planning friend? OR, am I making a huge mistake by not choosing the party planner as my MOH?
    Posted by geerboT

    You are way off base here. MOH is about your relationship, not about planning.  It's no one's job to plan or do anything for the wedding other than yours and the groom's, or a WC if you hire one.   If you have a friend who is willing to help on her own accord with no prompting from you, that's fine but it doesn't earn her any special titles based on what she's able to do for you.  Keep your 8 year friend as your MOH and your 6 year friend as a BM.

    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

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  • And actually, I wouldn't ask anyone to be in the WP yet.  You have over a year to go and plans can change (budget issues, relationship issues, etc.  we see it all the time on here).  I would wait until about 10 months out or so.
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    member
    Everything Ms.B said.  Take everything that you have heard about what a MOH should do and throw it out the window.  The only thing the MOH has to do is buy the dress, show up on time, smile for pictures and possibly hold your flowers, fix your train and sign the marriage license if needed.  That is it.

  • The thing to do for a friend who's going the extra mile in helping you plan your wedding is to show your gratitude throughout the process, make sure you're not asking more than she's truly willing to do, and maybe get her an extra little token of appreciation after the wedding (maybe take her out to lunch or something).

    Nowhere in there is "bestow a different arbitrary title on her like it's a knighthood or something."
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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • pkontkpkontk
    500 Comments
    member
    As PPs mentioned, you choose your MOH based on who is closest to you, not who will help the most. 

    Also, if this newer friend decides that she spoke a little too soon when volunteering to help you plan, remember that she has her own life and is not beholden to do DIY projects.  You didn't allude to this attitude in this post, but I just wanted to add.
  • Thank you EVERYONE!  You are putting my mind at ease... and as for the timeframe, I'm definitely not asking anyone yet, but my helper friend is already wanting to dig in deap, and I was worried that in a few months when I did asK my BMs and MOH that I would be doing something taboo!  I will keep my options open, but now I feel like I can make a good, sound decision based off of our relationships, not off of future career motives!  THANKS AGAIN TO EVERYONE!
  • As far as the relationship between your two friends, keep in mind that the wedding party is there to support you.  Do not expect it to be a new social circle.  The girls don't all have to get along, and they don't need to interact more often than is "needed" (shower, B-Party, wedding - and they aren't even required to attend the first two.) 
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