This guest list is going to give me a hernia...

Manwaithiel

So...

I am inviting a lot of my church family from back home to the wedding. Now, I am including children who are still in high school for the families I am inviting as a courtesy (and because I'm close to the kids). I am NOT including the kids who are graduated from high school and are either in college or doing other things with their time.

Is it reasonable for me to use the graduation factor as a "family unit divider"? Opinions? I ask this cause there is a girl who was "friends" with me while I was in high school, but she and I had some issues, I don't want to invite her, but I'm inviting her dad and his girlfriend, but neither of their kids who are all graduated.

I hope someone actually understood this gibberish.

Robyn5298

I think most people will understand that you have to draw the line somewhere, and I that including children still living at home but not those who have moved on to college is a reasonable place to make your cut off. 

You just can't invite everyone and hopefully people will get that and respect your wishes.  Maybe have a standard reply in case anyone questions you, like "oh I'm sorry you feel that way, I wish we had the space to include everybody but that's unfortunately not an option for us.  We hope you'll still join us..."

kathrynhabibti

I think that's reasonable. Robyn's reply to questions would be good and perfectly polite.

Manwaithiel

Sweet, thanks guys!

calindi

I actually think it's a terrible reason.  If I were in college and my parents and brother got an invite and not me, we'd all be pissed.  We're a family, regardless of who is living at home or not.

If you don't want to invite the girl, don't invite her.  But making that a 'rule' is silly.  It's like a missing gap - you're not saying "No kids under 18" you're saying "Up to 18 or over 21" - uh... dumb!

sgsinlove

It's your wedding. It's not unreasonable. Think of it as this. If you were having a get together at your home, would you want someone over that you can't get along with? That's just it. That's YOUR home, much like this is YOUR wedding. This is a time for celebration and if people have a problem that someone wasn't invited from their family unit, they don't have to go. He had a budget and a limit as to how many people we could afford to invite. We pissed off some people who still aren't speaking to us, but that's okay. Those we couldn't invite, still loved us enough to wish us well and actually sent us gifts even though we didn't expect it. BE PREPARED THAT SOME PEOPLE WILL SHOW UP, UNINVITED!! We had people show up who weren't invited at all. We couldn't accomodate those people, because the numbers and seating were already set up.

Manwaithiel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_this-guest-list-going-give-hernia?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a27951c3-ce6d-4b70-b8cc-046d975fb7fbPost:678f9c72-ed01-4579-b7e2-11d7ab1901de">Re: This guest list is going to give me a hernia...</a>:
[QUOTE]I actually think it's a terrible reason.  If I were in college and my parents and brother got an invite and not me, we'd all be pissed.  We're a family, regardless of who is living at home or not. If you don't want to invite the girl, don't invite her.  But making that a 'rule' is silly.  It's like a missing gap - you're not saying "No kids under 18" you're saying "Up to 18 or over 21" - uh... dumb!
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

I wouldn't be splitting any children up. In the families where I'm not inviting the older college kids, there are no younger ones. My question was that I AM inviting families with kids because they kids are in high school or younger. I am also inviting couples who have kids but they're all in college, and I'm not inviting those "kids". I wasn't sure if someone was going to come back and be like "what the hell, they brought their 'kids' but I didn't get to bring my 'kid'. Who is not a kid anymore, but an adult and is pretty much a separate unit. At least that's how I've been treated since I've moved out of my parents' house.

So no, I'm not splitting any siblings up here, if that was your concern.