Best man headaches

msummerf

The best man decided to inform my fiance that we shouldn't be getting married.  After he agreed to be the best man.  Everyone else (family, friends, etc) is super excited and supportive, so he really is the only one with reservations, most of which seem to be based his own insecurities.  Any ideas for how to keep his negativity and personal dislike of me from ruining things?

mbcdefg

Why is your FI still friends with a guy who is insulting his bride-to-be? Ideally your FI ought to be telling him to take a hike.

Seems like it's more of an issue with your FI than with this dude.

Beachy730

Is he telling him seriously?  And what are his reasons?  Is it because he has a problem with you, or just doesn't want your FI to get married in general?

H's friends all gave him a hard time when we got engaged and were planning our wedding because they knew it would be a domino affect on his friends.  3 of his friends have gotten engaged since we did, and it seems the trend is continuing again.  But nobody had serious reservations about me, or him getting married in general.

Talk to your FI.  As long as what the BM is saying isn't sticking in his head and making him have second thoughts then I wouldn't worry too much.  You can't kick him out, and its FI's choice to maintain the friendship or not.  Try not to worry about it, and like a PP said, just tell your FI that you don't want to hear about what he says.

msummerf

The friend was in a really destructive long term relationship and has become bitter about women and relationships.  He seems to think that we're only getting married because most of my friends are married and I don't want to be the only single person.

FI is currently prepared to just drop his oldest friend, which kind of makes me a little uncomfortable.  I guess all I can do here is wait and see what happens.  Hard to do though when FI is miserable because he feels like he's lost his best friend.

msummerf

I guess I'm still hoping that the friend will turn around and stop being such a jerk.  I just hate that FI feels so betrayed by his best friend, and somehow I don't think that cutting him off is actually going to solve that problem.  It would make my life easier, but I don't know that it will ultimately make FI happy.

bablingbrooke

This is a call FI has to make.  I don't think it's right for you to push him to do one thing or another.  Just limit your own contact with him.  When I was a teenager I once pressured a BF to stop being friends with someone who was a jerk to me.  Not only did he keep seeing the guy behind my back, it created a rift in our relationship.  I look back and am ashamed that I pushed him to do that.  You shouldn't push him to drop a friend, though the corollary is that FI should not tolerate friends treating you badly.  Since it sounds like he just made a comment you disagree with, rather than being a bad person, I'd try to let it go.

His negativity won't ruin the wedding, so just ignore it.

msummerf

Actually, if anything, I'm trying to convince FI not to drop the friend.  I don't want to be the cause of a rift in their circle of friends.  I know that the problem isn't really me, so I'm not actually taking this personally, although I was hurt originally.  FI feels betrayed and has to decide what to do.  I'm staying out of the problems in their relationship.  I just don't know how to deal with a best man that refuses to look at the bride!