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Groom's siste??

I'm having a horrendous time with the whole wedding party situation. My fiance asked me to keep the wedding party small - not a problem. He will have a best man and maybe 1 groomsman, but that's a hige maybe. Anyways, both of my sisters are defintiely in the wedding, that's non-negotiable. However, I'm having a problem deciding if I NEED to have Steven's sister in the wedding too. I'm not close to her, she and Steven are kind of close but only when he's home it seems (he's a Marine stationed in NC). This wouldn't otherwise be a hige issue except for one of my cousins is like my 3rd sister, I want her in the wedding over Steven's sister. But then there's my older cousin who has assumed that she is in the wedding - she descussed dress ideas with my sister, my sister didn't say anything though because I've yet to decide what I'm doing.
My thing is that it's my wedding, I should have who I want in it - not just feel olbigated to have people in it. I tried to ask Steven if he wanted her in, he said it was up to me (ughhhh-men!!). In a perfect, drama-free world, I'd have my 2 sisters and my cousin....what do you all think??

thanks
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Re: Groom's siste??

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    What if your FI's sister stood on his side? You could have your 2 sisters and your cousin and he could have his BM, GM, and his sister.
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    LD1970LD1970 member
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    The sister can stand on his side if he wants her.  Whether or not he does, ask your cousin anyway, the one you want.  Sides don't need to be even, or same-sex.  

    As for the other cousin, if it'll cause huge family drama, you may want to consider asking her - weigh your options, since no one here knows your family like you do.  Just don't expect her to do anything for you, and if she's that bossy, don't include her in your planning.  If you weigh the options and still don't want to ask her, don't.  She'll know she's not a bridesmaid when you don't ask her and you don't have her go shopping for a dress.
    You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. ~Mae West
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_grooms-siste?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a33f47ad-0a6b-4751-86fb-11e0c454e912Post:181a6179-ce33-441c-ba73-13c38bf509ba">Re: Groom's siste??</a>:
    [QUOTE] As for the other cousin, if it'll cause huge family drama, you may want to consider asking her - weigh your options, since no one here knows your family like you do.  Posted by LD1970[/QUOTE]

    I don't think it will cause any family drama - she's just going to cry. She's a little sensitive. But I think if I approach it the right way, I'll be okay. The 2 cousins in question are also sisters, little bit touchy subjct again. But I think if I approachit the right way, I'll be okay. And she's 32 years old, not married but still - I feel like she should be able to get over it. Might be a little harsh, but I can't make everyone happy I guess.
    She's always wanted to be a princess and he's always wanted to be a hero; as fate would now have it, she is his princess and he is her hero *Semper Fi* Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    LD1970LD1970 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    No, you'll never be able to make everyone happy, especially when it comes to wedding planning.  Mention the word "wedding," and it'll seem sometimes like everyone around you is going haywire.

    I hope you're right & it doesn't cause drama.  In that case, ask the other cousin & don't worry about it.  And really, don't worry about keeping things even or anything like that.
    You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. ~Mae West
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    if you dont want her in there dont have her. Tell everyone that you just wanted a couple ppl, just casually when they ask you who is in it. You cant make everyone happy
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    I think the best solution is for her to wear a black dress and stand with your FI.

    Or you can have 4 girls, if it'll prevent hurt feelings. Don't forget that hurt feelings may last beyond the wedding day. You'll be joining your FI's family soon, and therefore will have a lot of contact with his sister and his parents in the future. Is this something that you want to still be hashing out at Thanksgiving 2015?

    You don't have to have her if you don't want her ... but if you KNOW it'll hurt her feelings, I think the gracious thing to do would be to include her as a bridesmaid or a groomswoman. I know you didn't want a lot of people, but I think adding one more person is a small concession to make if it'll get you off on the right foot with his family. All she's got to do is get the dress (either a BM dress or a black one) and stand there at the wedding, so it's not like she'll then have to be your buddy or help you plan or anything.

    If it'll make her happy, I personally don't see the value in excluding her.
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    If your bio is correct, your wedding is 19 months away.  Wait a year to ask anyone (else) and perhaps you'll have a clearer picture then.  There isn't any reason yet to choose a WP, and if anyone asks, you can honestly say "We're just enjoying being engaged right now.  We'll be choosing a wedding party at this time next year."

    When the time DOES come to choose, forget about symmetry and random numbers.  You choose who you want.  He chooses who he wants.

    Gender doesn't matter.  Numbers don't matter.  You can have 5 to his 2.  His sister can stand with him if he wants her in the wedding.

    Toss the antiquated notions of sides having to be even, and women standing on the left side and men on the right. 

    Then, in June 2011, choose your WP.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_grooms-siste?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a33f47ad-0a6b-4751-86fb-11e0c454e912Post:273bdcac-ed43-458c-95f0-aa0f825bef38">Re: Groom's siste??</a>:
    [QUOTE]If your bio is correct, your wedding is 19 months away.  Wait a year to ask anyone (else) and perhaps you'll have a clearer picture then.  Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

    that is a good point - i hadn't really thought of that. my only reservation is that my fiance will be deployed to afganistan 6-10 months next year. nonetheless, you are correct that it is 19 months away and i do have time to ponder, nothing that needs to be decided right this second. thank you!! : )
    She's always wanted to be a princess and he's always wanted to be a hero; as fate would now have it, she is his princess and he is her hero *Semper Fi* Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    The fact that your FI will be deployed makes it even easier to deflect WP questions right now.  You can say that you're waiting until later in his deployment to make any decisions.


    And please thank him for his service to our country.  My DD's BIL returned from Afghanistan in April.  We were all happy to have him back in the USA.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_grooms-siste?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a33f47ad-0a6b-4751-86fb-11e0c454e912Post:bc7d7938-90b0-4cab-bb52-472318221ddf">Re: Groom's siste??</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Groom's siste?? : that is a good point - i hadn't really thought of that. my only reservation is that my fiance will be deployed to afganistan 6-10 months next year. nonetheless, you are correct that it is 19 months away and i do have time to ponder, nothing that needs to be decided right this second. thank you!! : )
    Posted by heather0711[/QUOTE]
    <div>Sounds like you've got it figured out.  There are many, many wedding-related (and non-wedding-related) things you can do while he's gone that don't involve the WP.  You and his sister may be closer by then, or you may not be as close with your cousins.  So good to wait to see how those relationships pan out.</div><div>
    </div><div>My prayers and thanks to your FI for his service :)</div>
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