Sisters-In-Law Nightmare - HELP!!!

mdupon70997

Originally we were going to have a large wedding with about 250 guests. I only wanted three bridesmaids and three groomsmen, but my fiance felt like he couldn't leave out one of his childhood friends, two brothers-in-law, and my brother as his groomsmen. And although I love his two sisters, I really only wanted my bridesmaids to consist of my very close friends. But he ended up with eight groomsmen, so (because it was what he wanted) I asked his two sisters and one neice to be my bridesmaids. About two weeks later we decided to downsize our wedding to about 50 guests only for financial purposes and for simplicity's sake. I thought that it would be silly to have 8 bridesmaids and 8 groomsmen for a wedding with only 50 guests. We were only going to invite immediate family, aunts, uncles, and friends who were originally in the bridal party. So I decided to cut our family from the bridal party since they would be there anyway as guests. But, before I 100% decided to do it, I talked with his oldest sister and asked how she felt about it and if her family would be really upset (she, one of her daughters, and her husband were all going to be in our wedding.) She said they totally understood and weren't upset at all. I haven't gotten a chance to call his youngest sister. Well today my poor fiance got a phone call from his youngest sister telling him how they're afraid that I'm changing him because he has so say as to how our wedding is going to be (he's normally very opinionated.) She told him that it was awfully funny how I decided to only cut his family members from the wedding party (mind you I cut my own brother as well) and that it was wrong of me. He's livid. My fiance and I decided on a budget for our wedding, and that's all he really cares about. I get to plan the rest (even though I ask his opinion.) I love his family and I'm really upset that they think that I would intentionally hurt them, especially since I already ask his oldest sister's opinion on the whole matter and she looked me in the eyes and said that it was fine. I don't want to cause a rift between him and his sisters, but I don't want to be bullied about our wedding by family members. He's gone over to each of their houses right now to hash it out with them and give them the facts. We've been together for 5 years and this is the first time I've ever had a problem with his sisters... I don't know what to do. HELP!!!

Girlie1030

At this point all either of you can do is apologize profusely. 

mbcdefg

If they're going to be invited guests anyway, then I don't really get the point of kicking them out of the bridal party. Whether you intend it to be or not, it's a really obvious slap in the face and public humiliation. And who the hell cares if you have 8 bridesmaids for a 50person wedding? People will likely know the original situation, but even if they didn't, would you really prefer hurting a future sister's feelings and possibly starting a huge fight, over thing looking a tiny bit odd for an hour out of one day of your life? Whether you "reinstate" then or not, you're really going to have to eat major crow and apologize for this, because it's really a crappy move on your part.

beardo1111

Kicking anyone out of the bridal party is hurtful.....especially if a member (his younger sister) had to hear about it second hand.  Call her and discuss directly....and apologize a lot.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sisters-in-law-nightmare-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a37295a0-4584-40db-a7ed-da90f46b8daePost:1306e45a-793d-41ce-a1d1-3e22d5bc97e5">Sisters-In-Law Nightmare - HELP!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Originally we were going to have a large wedding with about 250 guests. I only wanted three bridesmaids and three groomsmen, but my fiance felt like he couldn't leave out one of his childhood friends, two brothers-in-law, and my brother as his groomsmen. And although I love his two sisters, I really only wanted my bridesmaids to consist of my very close friends. But he ended up with eight groomsmen, so (because it was what he wanted) I asked his two sisters and one neice to be my bridesmaids. About two weeks later we decided to downsize our wedding to about 50 guests only for financial purposes and for simplicity's sake. I thought that it would be silly to have 8 bridesmaids and 8 groomsmen for a wedding with only 50 guests. We were only going to invite immediate family, aunts, uncles, and friends who were originally in the bridal party. So I decided to cut our family from the bridal party since they would be there anyway as guests. But, before I 100% decided to do it, I talked with his oldest sister and asked how she felt about it and if her family would be really upset (she, one of her daughters, and her husband were all going to be in our wedding.) She said they totally understood and weren't upset at all. I haven't gotten a chance to call his youngest sister. Well today my poor fiance got a phone call from his youngest sister telling him how they're afraid that I'm changing him because he has so say as to how our wedding is going to be (he's normally very opinionated.) She told him that it was awfully funny how I decided to only cut his family members from the wedding party (mind you I cut my own brother as well) and that it was wrong of me. He's livid. My fiance and I decided on a budget for our wedding, and that's all he really cares about. I get to plan the rest (even though I ask his opinion.) I love his family and I'm really upset that they think that I would intentionally hurt them, especially since I already ask his oldest sister's opinion on the whole matter and she looked me in the eyes and said that it was fine. I don't want to cause a rift between him and his sisters, but I don't want to be bullied about our wedding by family members. He's gone over to each of their houses right now to hash it out with them and give them the facts. We've been together for 5 years and this is the first time I've ever had a problem with his sisters... I don't know what to do. HELP!!!
Posted by mdupon70997[/QUOTE]

<div>It's time for some serious damage control.  Kicking someone out of your wedding party is a horribly nasty thing to do.  To make matters worse, you've come right out and told them that you care more about numbers than you do about them.</div><div>
</div><div>An apology is a good start, but you're going to have to do more than that if you want to avoid this tainting your relationship with your SILs forever.  </div>

JoanE2012

This is why you should never select your bridal party before your wedding details are hashed out and you are around 9 months out from your wedding.  Your date shows you are over a year out and you obviously didn't have the wedding details down pat.  You need to apologize for your rude error.

Maggie0829

Your first mistake was thinking that you needed to have even sides and adding people just to make things equal.

Your second mistake was to think that the size of your guest list effects the size of your bridal party.

Like PP have said, you need to apologize profusely for your complete lack of regard of their feelings.  It seems to me and to probably them that you are basically using them as props rather than really wanting them in the wedding.  And even though the older sister told you that it would be fine to downgrade the bridal party she most likely didn't mean it.

Both you and your FI need to apologize big time.