Is it me?

Brycedance · November 2010

Hi Everyone, I feel like I may need a reality check - not sure if I did something wrong here, advice would be appreciated.

Last night I spoke with one of my bridesmaids and mentioned (for the second time) that my MOH is coming to visit this weekend and that we are going to try on some dresses and that she was welcome to join us.

A little background: I asked my friend to be a Bridesmaid back in April and we've spoken about dress budget and ordering timeline on numerous occasions. We have drifted apart a bit over the past few months and I feel like I've made an effort to make plans with her and talk with her about how she is and how she's doing.

My friend stated that she wasn't expecting to have to order the dress until two months before my wedding so she just didn't know how she would be able to manage ordering the dress earlier as she didn't have the money. I was a little taken aback because we'd spoken about all of this before and I thought she was aware of timeline/budget but I guess I was wrong. I said that we'd figure it out. I recieved a text from her this morning stating that she was "really tweaked out by our conversation" she said she'd been thinking about it all day and we needed to talk.

I'm guessing she's going to tell me she no longer wants to be in the wedding - which is fine and her decision, my question is did I do something wrong here? My only expectation for my bridesmaids is that they order the dress and show up to stand with me on the day I get married...

Thanks for your feedback.

Heather

frogurt814 · November 2010

I'd say it's still kind of early to be ordering dresses, but from the sounds of it, you discussed the timeline with her, so I'm not sure why she's surprised by it. Also, you told her you would figure it out. You didn't demand that she buy her dress now or else.

I think your friend is overreacting.

You should probably get together with her and chat about what's going on in her life. It sounds like something is going on.

emilyinchile · November 2010

Honestly, it sounds like you've done things right. Once you all decide on a dress (assuming you're going for a BM dress and not something off the rack), find out the last possible date to order the dress for it to get there before your wedding with and without rush fees. Let your BMs know those dates, and then let them be adults and order their dresses. I know David's Bridal, for example, has some dresses in the store where theoretically your friend could find it 2 months before, or she could buy it used in that timeframe. So if that's her only concern, I'd offer her those options.

If, however, she just wants to drop out for whatever reason and is using this as an out, then that sucks, but there's nothing you can really do.

marissa_claire · November 2010

Two-fold. For one, I wouldn't expect her to try on dresses this early, but for two, I don't think going to try them on will harm anyone.

Don't let her back out because she can't afford the dress right now. Tell her that her being there is more important than a dress, and if her budget only affords her being able to order it two months before, then I would accommodate that.

Brycedance · November 2010

Thank you all for your advice! I will sit down and talk with her about her concerns and about what's going on with her. If she doesn't want to be in the wedding, fine, I just don't want it to be about the dress!

I will wait a bit to order - I had intitally been told that I needed to give 4-6 months for the dresses to come in so I wanted to order by the beginning of December but now I wonder if that's overestimating shipping time.

Retread - to answer your question - I actually try to talk about the wedding with her as little as possible - we talk about what's going on in her life and non-wedding related things much more than anything else. She brings it up and asks how planning is going, we discuss it breifly and move on to (in my mind) the bigger picture - school, life, etc.

Thanks again!

saisongbird · November 2010

I don't think you're too early on the dress if you're going for a BM dress, and not something like David's Bridal or J Crew. We ordered our dresses 7 months before my MOH's wedding and they only got here with a month to spare.

Other than that, you don't sound like bridezilla. Just follow the advice of the other ladies.