cold feet on bridal attendees, how to get rid of them before its too late

jessandustin2011

here's a suggestion. I asked three girls to be bridesmaids. I then had some issues with one or two of them. I kindly retracked my invite stating that my fiance and I had to discuss the wedding as I had made decisions without him. This way you are off the hook for having certain people in your bridal party and there are no hard feelings. If feelings get hurt, too bad, it is your day and you deserve to be happy

stina93446

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_cold-feet-bridal-attendees-rid-of-before-its-late?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a5488e39-793e-4f90-a794-020ef310b2ddPost:298e1614-8002-41fd-80f9-998c69d091a6">cold feet on bridal attendees, how to get rid of them before its too late</a>:
[QUOTE]here's a suggestion. I asked three girls to be bridesmaids. I then had some issues with one or two of them. I kindly retracked my invite stating that my fiance and I had to discuss the wedding as I had made decisions without him. This way you are off the hook for having certain people in your bridal party and there are no hard feelings. If feelings get hurt, too bad, it is your day and you deserve to be happy
Posted by jessandustin2011[/QUOTE]

<div>This is MUD AND a joke!</div>

bablingbrooke

Lame, whether MUD or not.

saxy414

No, no, no, no, no. 

And ridicuous.

PeonyPrincesskdd

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_cold-feet-bridal-attendees-rid-of-before-its-late?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a5488e39-793e-4f90-a794-020ef310b2ddPost:298e1614-8002-41fd-80f9-998c69d091a6">cold feet on bridal attendees, how to get rid of them before its too late</a>:
[QUOTE]here's a suggestion. I asked three girls to be bridesmaids. I then had some issues with one or two of them. I kindly retracked my invite stating that my fiance and I had to discuss the wedding as I had made decisions without him. This way you are off the hook for having certain people in your bridal party and there are no hard feelings. If feelings get hurt, too bad, it is your day and you deserve to be happy
Posted by jessandustin2011[/QUOTE]

Is this really a joke?  Your getting married well over a year away and you already asked people to be in your bridal party?  Do you not know that you aren't supposed to ask them until about 6-9 months before the wedding? 

Did you not know that sometimes you need a lot of thought process into who you will choose.  You need to really think hard about who your closest and dearest friends are, and pick those people.

If your having issues with one or two of them, then there seems to be a problem with you and not them.  Was the issue that they wouldn't spend X amount of money on an expensive bm dress, or that they wouldn't agree to throwing you a lavish shower..or some other wedding demand?

Whatever the reason, you are not allowed to retract an invite for someone in your wedding party.  Why not try working on the relationships that you let get ruined and repair the friendship instead of being so quick to kick them out of the wedding party.  That has to be the rudest thing you can do. 

You have no consideration for their feelings because you feel it's your day to be happy?? No.  I don't think so.  You are not entitled to hurt everyone's feelings and stomp them in the mud just because your getting married. 

You get one day, and that day is not until over a year away.  So why are you so worried about this now.  You should work on repairing your friendship, you have plenty of time to work on it before the wedding.

jagore08

Wow, way to be a grown up and take responsibility.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

Is that the best you got?

trix1223

Or you could just lure them to the forest when the vampire family is hunting and quickly run away, leaving them for the vampires.  No trace of your former WP will ever exist, and no one will be any the wiser.   And it will be even smarter if you have your werewolf friends with you for your own personal protection.

What?  Oh sorry, I thought we were making up stories this morning.  Never mind.

And it's retract, not retracked.

megk8oz

Let's see you just joined 3 days ago and this is your only post EVARRRRRRR.

So under what "real" name did you recently get told that kicking somebody out is a total d!ck move?

suz62984

Really dumb advice.... Your FI gets no say in your side of the WP just like you get no say in his. No matter how "kindly" you think you were, I guarantee is still hurt feelings, you looked like the bad guy, you threw your FI under the bus, and you pulled the bitchy bridezilla move. Happy planning sunshine; you'll need it with your "I can step all over people to get my way and find new friends because I deserve the world" attitude. You sound like an entitled brat that deserves a slap to the face rather than a 'spechul princess' wedding day.

gottahavashorti

How the heck do you kindly tell someone that you don't value their friendship?

PeonyPrincesskdd

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_cold-feet-bridal-attendees-rid-of-before-its-late?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a5488e39-793e-4f90-a794-020ef310b2ddPost:298e1614-8002-41fd-80f9-998c69d091a6">cold feet on bridal attendees, how to get rid of them before its too late</a>:
[QUOTE]here's a suggestion.<strong> I asked three girls to be bridesmaids. I then had some issues with one or two of them. I kindly retracked my invite </strong>stating that my fiance and I had to discuss the wedding as I had made decisions without him. This way you are off the hook for having certain people in your bridal party and there are no hard feelings. If feelings get hurt, too bad, it is your day and you deserve to be happy
Posted by jessandustin2011[/QUOTE]

I would like to know what the issues were.. I really think it was the bride's issues like her telling them they need to do X, Y, and Z and some of them started speaking up saying, "I can't afford $95.00 for airbrush make up, or I can't do curls, my hair does not curl".  Oh I forgot, you can only ask curly haired girls or girls with hair that curls to be in the wedding party..etc.

I still don't get the "There are no hard feelings and if feelings get hurt, too bad it's your day and you deserve to be happy".. wow that is so dumb.. and her wedding is not until next summer so she thinks her day is now.

emilyinchile

Also, it's "retracted." Learn English before you go dishing out advice.

CTGirl30

You're lame. And I don't believe for one second this is real - I can't actually even say "Nice try" because it wasn't even funny or remotely convincing.

bablingbrooke

I do have to admit, I got a kick out of the notion that she thinks she invented the concept of lying to get out of something...

megk8oz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_cold-feet-bridal-attendees-rid-of-before-its-late?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a5488e39-793e-4f90-a794-020ef310b2ddPost:833dec94-6f46-41bc-804f-711ddde20410">Re: cold feet on bridal attendees, how to get rid of them before its too late</a>:
[QUOTE]I do have to admit, I got a kick out of the notion that she thinks she invented the concept of lying to get out of something...
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

Wait ... other people have lied to get out of something before? Why was I never informed?!?!?!!?

bablingbrooke

Meg, that could have saved you from the bridezillamonster!  

megk8oz

Nah, we already knew she was capable of tossing somebody without lying about it, lol.

LD1970

Aw, 'cmon.  "I really really love you but want you the f*ck out of my wedding, you twit" isn't sufficient to ditch a bridesmaid but maintain the friendship?

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_cold-feet-bridal-attendees-rid-of-before-its-late?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a5488e39-793e-4f90-a794-020ef310b2ddPost:7745f47e-c6cb-4df2-8eff-912d9118d9e4">Re: cold feet on bridal attendees, how to get rid of them before its too late</a>:
[QUOTE]I have to say that I made the same mistake of getting too excited and letting my insecurities get in the way of asking a couple girls that I'm not really close friends with to be in the bridal party.   I did so without talking through with my fiance and I made a mistake.  I plan on talking with some close friends and confidantes to find the right words to gently let them go.  I plan to be honest that I made the mistake in jumping the gun and letting my desire for the 'friendships' to continue to work guide me. It's going to be hard and it hurts in a variety of ways but I have been reminded by my mentors and close friends that this is my wedding, my day.  It is something I get to be selfish about.  Perhaps those girls and I will not speak for a while or we won't have a friendship but it would just par for hte course with these two. It's a tough spot and I made the mistake - they should not suffer and they won't - they don't have to buy a dress or shoes etc.   
Posted by Allie&COCO11[/QUOTE]
I hope that isn't something you'll regret two weeks after the wedding when the festivities are behind you and you realize what we've all been saying: it's just a party.

PeonyPrincesskdd

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_cold-feet-bridal-attendees-rid-of-before-its-late?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a5488e39-793e-4f90-a794-020ef310b2ddPost:7745f47e-c6cb-4df2-8eff-912d9118d9e4">Re: cold feet on bridal attendees, how to get rid of them before its too late</a>:
[QUOTE]I have to say that I made the same mistake of getting too excited and letting my insecurities get in the way of <strong>asking a couple girls that I'm not really close friends with to be in the bridal party.</strong>   I did so without talking through with my fiance and I made a mistake.  I plan on talking with some close friends and confidantes to find the right words to <strong>gently let them go. </strong> I plan to be honest that I made the mistake in jumping the gun and letting my desire for the 'friendships' to continue to work guide me. It's going to be hard and it hurts in a variety of ways but I have been reminded by my mentors and close friends that <strong>this is my wedding, my day.  It is something I get to be selfish about.</strong>  Perhaps those girls and I will not speak for a while or we won't have a friendship but it would just par for hte course with these two. It's a tough spot and I made the mistake - they should not suffer and they won't - they don't have to buy a dress or shoes etc.   
Posted by Allie&COCO11[/QUOTE]

Why would you ask people that you aren't close with to be a part of the bridal party?? That was your first mistake.  Also, your FI has no say in who you pick to be in your bridal party so that is not relevant to anything.


Gently let them go?  There will be no nice or gentle way to let some one go.  You already asked them to be in your bridal party and it would be pretty rude and mean to "gently let them go". 

Also, no it's not your wedding and your day.  It's not all about you.  Your FI is also getting married too so it would be both of your wedding and not just all about you.  Also, are you getting married today?  Because I wouldn't say this is my day because you only get one day and that is your wedding day, not all the days and months leading up to it.   It is something you can be selfish about? Really?  That makes no sense at all.  Just because your getting married like a lot of people in the world do, it doesn't give you the right to be selfish and kick your friends to the curb. 

I can't believe you would say that you would lose these friends forever and you wouldn't care because you would rather be selfish and then know that they won't talk to you ever again,

bablingbrooke

That's fair enough.  Good luck!

Belle2Be

We already have our wedding party picked out and notified, although informally. 4 of 6 are family and the other 2 might as well be so its not something that will change.