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Am I being crazy?

My best friend and bridesmaid is pregnant.  She just told me that she is due the day after my wedding.  When I asked her to be a bridesmaid, she said that her and her husband were going to hold off on trying so that her due date wouldn't conflict with the wedding...she said she wouldn't want to miss the day, nor would she want me to miss the birth of her child. This is not something that I asked her to do, but something she wanted to do.  Now several months later, she's due the day after our wedding.  Unfortunately, travel is required for her to attend.

Am I being crazy bridezilla to feel hurt and a bit jilted by this news.  I feel mad at her.  When I told her that I was hurt she said that she understood, but that it was out of her control.  She told me that no matter what, the day is about my FI and I and noting else should matter.  While I agree that it's about he and I, I also feel that it's obviously important to me to have her there, or else I wouldn't have asked her to be a BM. 

I was so happy to be one of her bridesmaids and now I feel shafted, like she had her time and doesn't care to partake in mine....

Re: Am I being crazy?

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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_am-being-crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a55dc0eb-45c5-4c09-acff-38c5c5afa918Post:610c9980-25a0-4bd1-93da-df7cb95fc9eb">Am I being crazy?</a>:
    [QUOTE]My best friend and bridesmaid is pregnant.  She just told me that she is due the day after my wedding.  When I asked her to be a bridesmaid, she said that her and her husband were going to hold off on trying so that her due date wouldn't conflict with the wedding...she said she wouldn't want to miss the day, nor would she want me to miss the birth of her child. This is not something that I asked her to do, but something she wanted to do.  Now several months later, she's due the day after our wedding.  Unfortunately, travel is required for her to attend. Am I being crazy bridezilla to feel hurt and a bit jilted by this news.  I feel mad at her.  When I told her that I was hurt she said that she understood, but that it was out of her control.  She told me that no matter what, the day is about my FI and I and noting else should matter.  While I agree that it's about he and I, I also feel that it's obviously important to me to have her there, or else I wouldn't have asked her to be a BM.  I was so happy to be one of her bridesmaids and<strong> now I feel shafted, like she had her time and doesn't care to partake in mine..</strong>..
    Posted by sarasimmy[/QUOTE]

    Yes, you are being crazy.  I can live with you being disappointed that your friend won't be at your wedding.  But you crossed the line when you added the bolded part.

    You do know that you can't always predict when you're going to actually conceive a child, and that sometimes they come along as a bonus, right?And people don't have to put their lives on hold for your wedding.

    Please, get over yourself, and don't ever, ever, ever say out loud what you wrote here.  Because, frankly, you don't come off well.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    Please don't ever say any of this out loud.  Babies don't always arrive on our schedule and frankly, I'm shocked that not coinciding with your wedding was even a concern for your friend.
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    AKA GoodLuckBear14
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    There are two different issues at hand here.  First of all, as much as we don't want to hear it and don't always believe it, a baby trumps a wedding.  Every time.  Does it suck that she promised to wait and didn't?  Yeah.  Is it worth becoming bridezilla over?  Nope.  She's your BEST FRIEND.  Yeah it sucks that she can't be there, but this is the birth of her child, and you have to let it go.  List her as your honorary bridesmaid in your program, don't replace her, and while you can be disappointed, you can't express it to her.
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    I can't believe you actually told her that you were hurt that she is pregnant. That's all.
                       
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    I didn't tell her that I was hurt that she was pregnant.  This wasn't an all out war b/w the two of us.  I am excited for her, which I told her.  I did tell her that I was sad that she/her husband wouldn't be there...her husband is also my FI's Best Man.

    I think that the situtation is giving me anxiety in general.  Her telling me about her due date came on the heals of 3 out of 6 of my other bridesmaids telling me that they were pregnant.  I suddenly have this major fear that all of my best girlfriends won't be able to be at the wedding.  I have a very small family and these girls are like family to me.  I can't imagine them not being there. 
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    I don't think I've ever known a baby to come exactly on time...  Yes, you're crazy to have expected her to put her efforts at conception on hold for your wedding.  A wedding is an important party, yes, but it's just a party.  She's creating a new person.  One of these kind of outranks the other.

    It sucks that she won't be able to be there.  Send her bouquet to the hospital, list her in the program as a bridesmaid, and if she's not actually in labor on the day of your wedding, call her at some point during the day to chat.  Life happens, and pouting because it doesn't happen your way is the action of a child.
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    Are all of them due at the same time?  If not, I'm not sure why they can't be at your wedding. 
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    No, they aren't all do at the same time.  It's the one and only major freak out I've had about the wedding.  I am suddenly terrified that no one will come.  One of the other BM's that pregnant is my sister in law and she is due at the end of our wedding month...I found this out a week before my best friend told me about her due date.
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    Have you changed your wedding date?  Because your bio says your wedding is 11 months away.  I don't know anyone who has an 11 month pregnancy.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    I never updated it.  I don't use the knot very much, but my wedding date is July 2011.
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    "When I told her that I was hurt she said that she understood, but that it was out of her control."

    "I didn't tell her that I was hurt that she was pregnant."

    Obviously you're confused because these are direct quotes from what you posted.  It's perfectly ok to feel sad that your close friend won't be able to attend your wedding but it's not like she did this on purpose.  I highly doubt she had an ovulation calendar out and planning to have her due date around the time of your wedding.  You're being petty.  Life happens and you should be happy for ALL of your pregnant BM instead of being concerned how this is going to affect you.
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    bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2010
    Yes, crazy and self-centered.  I don't care if this is your only freak out--you aren't entitled to any and certainly aren't entitled to one over this.  

    You have two choices: 1) change the date so they can come, or 2) go forth and roll with it if they can't come.
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    So she's like 7 week pregnant??

    anyway, I get being sad that she can't be there but like PP said, babies trump weddings.  No one will ever be as excited for your wedding as you are.

    Just be adult and get over it.  Do not replace her in the WP and send flowers when she delivers.  You'll get what shes feeling when you're the mommy!!!  It'll all be okay, I promise :-)
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_am-being-crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a55dc0eb-45c5-4c09-acff-38c5c5afa918Post:fbe2c3b1-dbdc-45cc-9dd4-4dff7ffe8908">Re: Am I being crazy?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I didn't tell her that I was hurt that she was pregnant.  This wasn't an all out war b/w the two of us.  I am excited for her, which I told her.  I did tell her that I was sad that she/her husband wouldn't be there...her husband is also my FI's Best Man. I think that the situtation is giving me anxiety in general.  Her telling me about her due date came on the heals of 3 out of 6 of my other bridesmaids telling me that they were pregnant. <strong> I suddenly have this major fear that all of my best girlfriends won't be able to be at the wedding.</strong>  I have a very small family and these girls are like family to me.  I can't imagine them not being there. 
    Posted by sarasimmy[/QUOTE]

    Only one of my best girlfriends made it to my wedding and the rest had the best excuses in the world ranging from a mom's recent cancer diagnosis to hospitalization for a lupus flare-up to major emergency back surgery.  I'm not going to lie.  I had a few days where I was moping around because none of them were going to be there.  I felt it was not fair because I'd been at all of their big events and had been the friend who would go above and beyond for every one of them.  You know what?  I got over it and am happy that all are healthy now.  I also kept these feelings to myself (and never once posted them here) because I knew I was being selfish and self centered. 
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    AKA GoodLuckBear14
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    It sounds like your BM was the one who started the idea that she should not be trying for a baby 9 months before your wedding, but that's still a ridiculous expectation.

    And even if she didn't try to have a baby then, babies happen without trying. Heck, they sometimes happen when people actively try NOT to have a baby because, as we all know, birth control isn't 100% effective. What if they were using birth control, would you really want her to tell you the initimate details of exactly how it failed?
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    why do these posts make me laugh?
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    If several of your BM's are pregnant and due around the same time... can't you just move your wedding up?  Most venues and vendors can be flexible as long as you don't cancel and as long as they are available on the new date.  

    Try not to let it stress you out.  Babies are a blessing, and you should rejoice with your friends who are expecting a little bundle of joy!  I can agree with the feeling of disappointment that they won't be able to stand up there with you, and if that is your dominating feeling, THAT is something you CAN change -- change your date.  Either move it up (and have preggo BM's, which is always adorable), or move it later, and be okay with them potentially holding a newborn (or help them recruit a family member or friend to hold the baby during the ceremony). 
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_am-being-crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a55dc0eb-45c5-4c09-acff-38c5c5afa918Post:026398a9-6e04-455f-9993-56d50e4431e6">Re: Am I being crazy?</a>:
    [QUOTE]If several of your BM's are pregnant and due around the same time... can't you just move your wedding up?  Most venues and vendors can be flexible as long as you don't cancel and as long as they are available on the new date.   Try not to let it stress you out.  Babies are a blessing, and you should rejoice with your friends who are expecting a little bundle of joy!  I can agree with the feeling of disappointment that they won't be able to stand up there with you, and if that is your dominating feeling, THAT is something you CAN change -- change your date.  Either move it up (<strong>and have preggo BM's, which is always adorable)</strong>, or move it later, and be okay with them potentially holding a newborn (or help them recruit a family member or friend to hold the baby during the ceremony). 
    Posted by kellya01[/QUOTE]

    This is the second post this week that I've read about pregnant BMs being "adorable".  

    And for some reason, it really rubs me the wrong way.  It sounds very precious and condescending.  Would that same woman be an "adorable" BM if she wasn't pregnant?

    It actually comes across to me as demeaning. Oh, and I really abhor the term "preggo".  She's pregnant, not preggo or preggers.

    ::gets off soapbox and walks away::
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_am-being-crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a55dc0eb-45c5-4c09-acff-38c5c5afa918Post:13a921a4-02c6-4549-a7dc-d8071455c1c4">Re: Am I being crazy?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Am I being crazy? : This is the second post this week that I've read about pregnant BMs being "adorable".   And for some reason, it really rubs me the wrong way.  It sounds very precious and condescending.  Would that same woman be an "adorable" BM if she wasn't pregnant? It actually comes across to me as demeaning. Oh, and I really abhor the term "preggo".  She's pregnant, not preggo or preggers. ::gets off soapbox and walks away::
    Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]
    I don't think that's how it's meant as all.  I've taken "adorable" to mean "sweet" or "not a problem."  
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
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    Ah-if that's the case, then nevermind.  =)
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    I think expecting your friend to stop having sex with her husband in preparation for your wedding is a little dumb. After all, that would be the ONLY way she could guarantee not getting pregnant.

    Let it go.
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    It's silly for you to expect your BMs to put their lives on hold just because you're having a wedding.  Their lives get to continue forward and so does yours. 
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    I wouldn't call you crazy for feeling upset that your best friend can't be there, and I can understand your feeling that way.  But the way you are handling it is definitely not the best.  Your friend was crazy to promise that she wouldn't get pregnant for your wedding.  I can't guarantee that for anyone because as we all know pregnancies happen when you don't always plan on it.  But to tell her that you are hurt that she won't be there is wrong.  If you said you were sad, that's one thing, but saying you're hurt sounds like you think she did it intentionally and tried to hurt you. 

    And you're definitely overreacting by saying that you're afraid nobody will be at your wedding now.  People can attend weddings when they're pregnant.  Some can even attend when they're 9 months pregnant.  One of my BM's was 4 months pregnant at my wedding and I love that I can tell her son one day that he was at my wedding in his mommy's belly. 

    If you are so concerned with this, and care that much about having your friends and BM's at your wedding, why don't you change the date?  Or at least the location?  I don't think it's necessary, but for as big of a deal as you're making out of them not being there, I would think you would want to make it so they could be there.
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    not crazy, just feeling a little sorry for yourself. you should try to snap out of it and just accept things the way they are. the sooner you get over it, the sooner you will start to feel better and be happy for your friend.
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