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slighted sister-in-law

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Re: slighted sister-in-law

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_slighted-sister-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a9789480-a900-4052-938c-c58d70c5e116Post:86baba70-f20b-4f0f-9ce3-f3d9c38ae1a2">slighted sister-in-law</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am a future sister-in-law to the bride. I think that the bride has every right to invite her close friends as bridesmaids, it is her day. The bride did not ask me to be a bridesmaid and initially I wasn't offended until I found out who was standing up in the wedding party. If the bride was having 3 or 4 close bridesmaids this would not be an issue. She is having 8 bridesmaids. Her sister is the MOH, followed by her sister-in-law (half brother's wife), the groom's cousin, and 5 girl friends. The groom is having his brother (my husband) as his BM, 5 friends, the groom's cousin's husband, and the bride's brother-in-law. They are also having the bride's two half brothers be ushers. My daughter is the flower-girl, my son is the ring bearer. So, I am the only sibling not standing up in this wedding.... My husband (BM) is upset. He is very close to his brother. Oh yeah, their engagement story.... was ALL ME. The groom wanted to ask her when they came to visit us. I said then why don't we do something special. I researched where the best engagement spot was. So we took them on a mountain hike to a beautiful waterfall and lookout at sunset. Then we were their with a bottle of wine, glasses, camera to take some pictures of them and celebrate the day! Do you think I have a right to be offended? And because I feel slighted, solutions?
    Posted by flower1122girl[/QUOTE]
    Your husband is the sibling here, this is your brother-in-law's FI you're talking about, right?  I think that's a little far removed to be an obligatory bridesmaid in the wedding unless you are much closer to the bride than the rest of the WP members.  Siblings are sometimes obligatory invites, siblings-in-law more rarely, and siblings-in-law once removed just sounds like a stretch to me.  And since it's your bother-in-law's wedding, you'd probably be more likely to be on his side than hers.

     It's ok to be disappointed if you are close to them but I don't think you have the right to be offended or do anything about it.  The solution would be not to say anything about it to the bride and groom.  The bride's side of the wedding party is her decision, and the same goes for the groom's side of the wedding party.
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    [QUOTE]even if she wasn't marrying your brother
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
    Stage, I think this is her brother-in-law's wedding.  The Best Man is the brother of the groom, who is OP's husband.
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    The problem started when her brother-in-law is standing up. He is the same to the groom as I am to the bride. It's not like he is any closer the the groom than I am to the bride.

    I just think that it sets a bad prescient to the rest of our relationship.

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    [QUOTE]The problem started when her brother-in-law is standing up. He is the same to the groom as I am to the bride. It's not like he is any closer the the groom than I am to the bride. I just think that it sets a bad prescient to the rest of our relationship.
    Posted by flower1122girl[/QUOTE]
    The bride's side is her decision and the groom's side is his decision.  Just because the groom chose his FI's brother-in-law to be a groomsman doesn't mean that has any influence on the bride's decisions about her bridesmaids.

    It doesn't set a bad precident unless you spin it that way, and it sounds like you have.
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    You aren't the groom's sibling.  You are the groom's brother's wife.  You are not owed a spot in the wedding.  I love my BIL's wife to pieces, but we aren't "close"--I don't call her up to chat, I don't go out with her.  I go over to visit them whenever we're in town, and I love our nephew to pieces.  But she wasn't a BM in our wedding.  And she wasn't upset about it.  You shouldn't be either. 

    It would be poor form for either of you to say anything.  Especially if you aren't close with the bride, this is going to start their marriage off on the wrong foot with lots of drama coming from your end.  Why do you want to be a BM so badly?  

    Time to put on your big girl panties and stop whining that you aren't in the wedding.  As the BM's wife you get to go to all the events, be in all the photos, and sit with everyone.  The only difference is that you get to wear what you want.  What is so bad about that?
    Courtesy of megk8oz
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

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    bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited June 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_slighted-sister-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a9789480-a900-4052-938c-c58d70c5e116Post:3c342e98-e527-4a28-801d-8bbfc4c27c27">Re: slighted sister-in-law</a>:
    [QUOTE]The problem started when her brother-in-law is standing up. He is the same to the groom as I am to the bride. It's not like he is any closer the the groom than I am to the bride. I just think that it sets a bad prescient to the rest of our relationship.
    Posted by flower1122girl[/QUOTE]

    <div>1.  Don't use big words like prescient (I think you mean "precedent") unless you're prepared to 1) use them in the proper context and 2) spell them properly.</div><div>
    </div><div>2.  As pps said, who the groom chose has no bearing on who the bride chooses.</div><div>
    </div><div>3.  You are very immature to look at it this way.  How would you have felt if your husband's family had pressured you into including some distant relative as a BM?  Why would this be any different or better?</div>
    Courtesy of megk8oz
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
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    Why do people get upset that they weren't asked to spend money on a dress that they won't wear again?
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
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