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How soon do you ask your wedding party?

So, We're getting married on July 16 2011 (about 9 months away).  FI just proposed on 9/24, so we're just now getting started.  We have most of the details set, including the officiant, ceremony site, reception site, and the date.  Groom's family and I are already discussing rehearsal dinner sites since they're from OOT and will need some help getting it done.  

So... how soon should we start asking our bridesmaids and groomsmen to be part of this thing?  I am pretty certain about who I want to ask, and so is he.  

We don't have the typical "1 year" to plan this big shindig, so my timelines and checklists are all a little OFF on TK.  Any suggestions welcome! 
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Re: How soon do you ask your wedding party?

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    I think you're good to go.
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

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    I agree with Brooke. You're under a year until your wedding. It's fine to ask if you want to.

    I waited until about 9 months out, which is around where you're at. Any time from here to your wedding should be good.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_soon-ask-wedding-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a9a9f4b3-077f-4ef4-b88d-f74c702e7346Post:32fba671-7190-4eaf-80e2-446a70ed746a">Re: How soon do you ask your wedding party?</a>:
    [QUOTE]i asked mine right away.  it's not like they have extra duties or obligations because you ask them now.  go ahead.  they'll be excited :)
    Posted by jayhawk55[/QUOTE]
    While you're right about OP, it's generally a good idea to wait until you're about 9-12 months out for a few reasons:<div>
    <div>-People can't really commit to being in your wedding if they don't know when and where it is, and some things people can't work around (i.e. bar exam, college or HS graduation, MCAT, etc.).</div><div>
    </div><div>-If you ask too soon and the relationship changes (and yes, this does happen to people who were BFFs since they were three) you'll find yourself in a position you don't want since you can't kick someone out of the WP without also losing them as a friend (in most cases).</div><div>
    </div><div>-Wedding plans have been known to change and budgets have been known to shrink unexpectedly, so you want to be sure that you've got things set before you invite other people to be a part of your day.  While most people will understand if you decide not to have a big wedding or WP after all, why put yourself in that situation?</div><div>
    </div><div>As I said, when it comes to OP you're 100% right, this is mostly for the benefit of someone who may be lurking and wondering the same thing :)</div></div>
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
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    Wow, thanks for the feedback!  I just didn't want to ask "too soon" and then they'd forget all about it (and forget about buying their dresses, which I'm trying to keep right around $100...) ... just a worried bride.  I worry more about people, guests, etc. than I do on venues and food!  So far not stressed, but it sure it nice to get some feedback from fellow brides! 
    July 16, Our Wedding Day, is also International Juggling Day!
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    It's technically okay to ask as soon as possible, but I would personally still wait a few weeks to really, really, really think about it.  If you read through the boards you'll see a ton of girls who asked in the heat of the moment or blurted it out or didn't think it through and end up really, really, really regretting it.
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    It's fine to ask now.  You can start looking around at bridesmaid dresses with any of them who are interested to get an idea, and then find out how long they'll take to come in.  If you're looking at, say, David's Bridal, you could probably order as late as 3 months out, whereas if you go with a higher-end designer it might take more like 6-8 months.  Though I ditto marissa that it still can't hurt to sleep on it for a little while. 

    Your heart's definitely in the right place.  People will remember how they were treated for a hell of a lot longer than they'll remember any of the silly details like colors or flowers, so that's pretty much the best possible place to be putting most of your focus.
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    We're date twins!  I've already asked (almost) everyone, so I think you're good to go as well. :)
    Planning Our Wedding - Updated 04/11/11
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    I did think my choices through very thoroughly, and I asked the women I wanted to stand up for me to be in our wedding.  Well, all I can say is that relationships do change and I wish had waited a little longer.  It's true what they say... Weddings can bring out the worst in people.
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    First of all, congrats on your upcoming wedding.

    The best advice I can give is don't be persuaded to go one way or another. I agree with all of the comments above, in particular mrstfuture  and marissa_claire . Yes, please take all the time you need to really think it through, because relationships can change. You'll get all kinds of suggestions, just be sure to stay true to yourself and ensure both you and your fiancé are comfortable with whomever you do choose. I
     
    I wish you all the best, and remember to always try to have fun during your planning.Smile

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    I was engaged on August 29th. My wedding is March 5, 2011. My FI and I planned our attendants and asked them the first full week in September. We have a quick wedding to plan so we needed the commitment ASAP
    Cooking my way to happiness!
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    I knew my side of the bridal party well before he proposed. One has been one of my best friends since middle school, the other is the teenager my fiancee and I mentor. I asked the teenager, there was no need to ask the other-- she is my MOH, I was hers 7 years ago. 
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    Congratulations!!

    We are getting married on 10/22/11, so a little over a year from now.  We decided to invite everyone out to dinner to announce our wedding party on 10/22 of this year... thought that that would be fun to be able to say that a year from now they would be joining us on our special day. 

    I have read in a lot of places that about 9 months out is fine though, so you should be in good shape!  I also agree with whoever said to ask as soon as you know, because they're going to be excited!!

    Good luck!

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    i always knew who my girls would be. i wrote them all personalize notes speaking on how much their friendship meant to me and ended the note with "will you stand up for me and by me on my special day?" after we cried and boo hoo's and hugged, i gave them the "The Bridesmaid Guide" book.

    i did this separately for all five..lots of crying and hugging :-D

    oh! and we got engaged on 4.30.10 and we're marrying on 10.23.10. it can be done!
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    I asked mine immediately.  I am in a similar situation where we were engaged September 15th and will be married Late July 2011.

    I also wrote an individual letter to each of my attendants telling them why they were important to me, what it would mean to me to have them in the wedding and asking if they would do the honors.  The letters were well received and very special to them and everyone said yes!!

    I just don't think it's ever too early.  They get almost as excited as we do about it!  Plus I have one that wants to try and lose 40 lbs. before my wedding so I am glad I didn't wait.  If she had told me that and only had 3 months I would be worried about her.  She's already 5 lbs down a month in so it's been really great motivation for her to get her nutrition and physical exercise on track!!

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    my hubby-to-be asked me in aug this year and although we arent gettin married till aug 2012 i have already asked my girls to be brides maids 
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    I wanted to do something creative to ask my gals, so I sent them a cute homemade card asking them and a picture frame with a recent picture of me and her in the frame.  You can read all about it and see pics as well on my blog here
    http://bride-onicles.blogspot.com/2010/09/asking-my-maids.html

    The girls loved it and are still talking about it.  I asked my girls as soon as we booked our venue/set the date.
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    We started planning 8 months out.  I had informally asked/talked to my closest friends about it, but didnt make it official until 6 months out.  Since the FI had not  asked his groomsmen, we made it a point to send them something, since we live far from all the wedding party.  We picked out the best picture we had with them, printed it out, and framed it.  I also made/ drew some cards with our poppy logo, and personalized each one saying.. "since we can't marry you, we can ask you to be with us when WE do..." All of them LOVE receiving a small packages in the mail not knowing what it was!  Definitely a personal, humorous touch. 
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    I asked mine immediatley! They were all super excited & want to help with everything! <3 my girls!!!!!
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    Congrats on your engagement! I think if you're certain, then you're good to go now. I'm getting married on 06/24 and still haven't made it "official" to any one but my MOH- my sister. Everyone else has an idea because they've helped me look at venues, etc. The problem for me is, if I asked every one I really want to be a part of it, I'd have 7 girls and my man could get 7 guys that he's close to but he only really wants like 3. I have 4 closest friends ever that would, without a doubt, be in the wedding. I have another 2 girlfriends that I became close to while I was away for school (where I met my fiance), and they know our relationship and have supported us more than the others. So I'd like them to be a part of it too, but haven't decided yet because of budget. Flowers, gifts, etc get expensive.. and I also don't want a huge wedding party. LOL. So, they say the golden number is 6 months, you're supposed to tell them by the 6 month mark so they can save for their dress if they need to, make sure they're available, etc. I'm waiting until my 6 month mark to make it official just because I'll have a better idea what I want then and what I can afford. Sorry so long, hope that helps you!
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    I pretty much knew right away who I wanted to ask, but since we're planning a longer engagement, I waited a few months to ask most of them. My 2 MOH might as well be sisters to me. One I've known since we were 8 and have been there through the craziest things in our lives (including her father's death in 9th grade). The other MOH was my college roommate, so we've already seen each other at our worst, and lived to tell the tales. ;) My other 2 BM are my sister and another very close friend.
    I agree that it's fine for you to go ahead and ask your WP to join you on your special day. Some of them may want to be involved in helping you plan and do things like dress shopping. If you know who you want to ask and feel strongly about your choices, then go for it and ask them.
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    Definitely ask your bridal party asap. And begin dress shopping right away because it can take up to 6mos to get it in, and then more time for alterations.
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    I got engaged on 6/14/10 and am not getting married until May 2012 and just finished asking my bridesmaids the other day.  I have 1 MOH & 5BM and I just asked the last one a couple days ago, and she was so excited and actually shocked that I was asking (even though she had previously thought I was going to ask her) because she thought I had already asked all of my bridesmaids.  I know you don't have a lot of time before your wedding like I do, but ask away!!! Otherwise people may think they're getting passed up when you haven't even asked anyone yet.
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    edited October 2010
    " If you ask too soon and the relationship changes (and yes, this does happen to people who were BFFs since they were three) you'll find yourself in a position you don't want since you can't kick someone out of the WP without also losing them as a friend (in most cases)." 

    I have to agree with this, I made the mistake of asking my wedding party too soon, 11 months before the wedding, now is been only two months and the changes in my "BFF" are so amazing and hurtful that I'm myself looking for ways to cut my wedding party without hurting people's feelings. But I really dont want them to come out in my wedding... :(
     and my wedding is 1 week before yours.
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    edited October 2010
    Anywhere from 9-6 months would be good. You don't want to ask too soon, but you need to make sure everyone will have plenty of time to find bridesmaid dresses and multiple fittings if needed. Plus, planning the shower and parties is a big deal and fun to do all as a group.

    We are getting married June 4th, 2011...
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    I would say that you should ask as soon as you're sure. I got engaged about four months ago, and I asked my bridesmaids about a month after I got engaged, if even that long! :P
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    go ahead- the sooner the better. Your friend want to be in on your big plans-  Just after I reserved my location, I took my girls to lunch and gave them each a "friends" picture frame with a cute pic of the two us us- Maid of honor got a picture frame collage with pics of us and our men etc over the years. They loved it- nice touches like that can really make it special :)
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    I asked mine right away too.  In fact, it was all part of the "I'm engaged!!!" conversation.  If you know, go ahead and ask!  Some of them might even be wondering when you will.  Have fun!
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    We are getting married NOVEMBER 13!!!  We started planning in September 2009. I KNEW the engagement was coming and had asked my girls way back in MAY of 2009 lol  So when I called them all and said "Ready? GO!", all but one hopped on it like white on rice.  The one that didn't STILL had not gotten her dress by the end of May of THIS year...AND IT WAS A THREE MONTH MAKE!!!  So, needless to say, she was abruptly cut from the wedding and replaced by someone who went the next DAY and tried on the two dress choices, made her choice and subsequently ordered it.  I WIN!!

    Wow. Tangent.  Sorry.  But yeah mine were just waiting on the call.  I don't know if this matters, but I have OCD about things.  That may be part of it, but still.  I think at 9 months, the timing is right.  Gives the girls plenty of time to get the cash together for the dress and WAY plenty of time to ask off work if need be Laughing
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_soon-ask-wedding-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a9a9f4b3-077f-4ef4-b88d-f74c702e7346Post:546b9c2f-f788-4005-b5d8-a7aade053e42">Re: How soon do you ask your wedding party?</a>:
    [QUOTE]We are getting married NOVEMBER 13!!!  We started planning in September 2009. I KNEW the engagement was coming and had asked my girls way back in MAY of 2009 lol  So when I called them all and said "Ready? GO!", all but one hopped on it like white on rice.  The one that didn't STILL had not gotten her dress by the end of May of THIS year...AND IT WAS A THREE MONTH MAKE!!!  So, needless to say, she was abruptly cut from the wedding and replaced by someone who went the next DAY and tried on the two dress choices, made her choice and subsequently ordered it.  I WIN!! Wow. Tangent.  Sorry.  But yeah mine were just waiting on the call.  I don't know if this matters, but I have OCD about things.  That may be part of it, but still.  I think at 9 months, the timing is right.  Gives the girls plenty of time to get the cash together for the dress and WAY plenty of time to ask off work if need be
    Posted by BubbleBunny[/QUOTE]
    OMG you need to NOT drink COFFEE before you POST!!1!!eleventy!!<div>
    </div><div>Also, OCD is an actual disorder.  If you haven't been diagnosed with it, just admit you're really type A and a little bit anal.  No shame in it--but you need to own it.</div>
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
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    I asked mine right away. As soon as I began to tell my firends that I was engaged some started to ask me right away if they will be in the bridal party so telling some yes and not tell others till later just seemed wrong. I quickly put together a "will you be my bridesmaid" e-card. I did this because I was waiting at first to ask each one in person but it was hard for everyone to be available. i also had some bridesmaids out of state.

    I was afraid of the e-card being to cold or not intimate so I made sure to write the request from the heart and make it very personal. When it went out, all of them quickly called me and LOVED what I wrote and said they liked being at home/work and opening up this e-card with such a surprise. One of my friends even told me how she callled all of her co-workers over to show them how cute the card was.

    I think the sooner the better. they can prepare themselves and make vacation arrangements with time if anything.
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