Help! Can't choose MOH

chiwawa

I'm getting married in April and my bridesmaids will be my two best friends and my FI's younger sister.  I can't decide which of my best friends to pick for my MOH.  Friend A lives closer, and we probably spend more time together, but she has a tendancy to get on my nerves.  She also has a tendancy to try to take over, although when I don't allow her to, there's no hard feelings.  Friend B has been one of my best friends for fifteen years.  She knows where all the bodies are buried.  But I don't get to see her that much these days.  I'll probably rely on Friend A more to help with getting things done for the wedding, just because she lives closer to me, but they'll both be contributing.  I was MOH in Friend A's wedding and a bridesmaid in Friend B's wedding, but I don't feel like that should have any bearing on my decision.  I don't think either of them would be hurt if I chose the other, which is a blessing at least.  I joke that I'll just flip a coin before the ceremony starts, or make them Jell-o wrestle for it, but I know I need to choose.  What would you do?    

trix1223

Don't have a MOH at all.  Have 3 BMs.  Problem solved.

Please don't choose your WP and/or MOH based on what they "can do for you".  It's not their job to do anything to plan or execute your wedding.  That responsibility sits squarely on the shoulders of you and your FI.

chiwawa

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_cant-choose-moh-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a9e9fe30-6e4e-4182-a45e-f5b8cea9fe1ePost:cb344204-63e8-4c2a-9f0d-907b1e422243">Re: Help! Can't choose MOH</a>:
[QUOTE]Don't have a MOH at all.  Have 3 BMs.  Problem solved. Please don't choose your WP and/or MOH based on what they "can do for you".  It's not their job to do anything to plan or execute your wedding.  That responsibility sits squarely on the shoulders of you and your FI.
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

I wouldn't choose anyone for the WP based on what they can "do for me."  It just seems odd to delegate the traditional MOH "duties" to one friend and not make her the MOH.

AutumnFair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_cant-choose-moh-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a9e9fe30-6e4e-4182-a45e-f5b8cea9fe1ePost:4f6fcedc-1b22-408d-9f3c-2a7109236725">Help! Can't choose MOH</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm getting married in April and my bridesmaids will be my two best friends and my FI's younger sister.  I can't decide which of my best friends to pick for my MOH.  Friend A lives closer, and we probably spend more time together, but she has a tendancy to get on my nerves.  She also has a tendancy to try to take over, although when I don't allow her to, there's no hard feelings.  Friend B has been one of my best friends for fifteen years.  She knows where all the bodies are buried.  But I don't get to see her that much these days.  I'll probably rely on Friend A more to help with getting things done for the wedding, just because she lives closer to me, but they'll both be contributing.  I was MOH in Friend A's wedding and a bridesmaid in Friend B's wedding, but I don't feel like that should have any bearing on my decision.  I don't think either of them would be hurt if I chose the other, which is a blessing at least.  I joke that I'll just flip a coin before the ceremony starts, or make them Jell-o wrestle for it, but I know I need to choose.  What would you do?    
Posted by chiwawa[/QUOTE]

<div><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;">The duties like speeches, signing of marriage license, and standing closest to you/holding flowers can be easily compromised between the three. </div></div><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;">
</div><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;">But you just have to ask yourself. If my parent or someone close to me was deathly ill/hurt who would I call? Distance of a person should not be a negative when choosing your MOH.</div>

banana468

The only real duty the MOH has is to sign the marriage license and hold your bouquet and maybe fluff your train.  Those are things that can be done by any of the BMs.

Some friends of mine have also had only BMs and no MOH - worked out perfectly!

twilight.rose

You could also have two MOHs, if you don't want to go the 3 bridesmaids route.

chiwawa

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_cant-choose-moh-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a9e9fe30-6e4e-4182-a45e-f5b8cea9fe1ePost:7dc71d65-d5cc-4c04-b79b-a8ccc6b98c38">Re: Help! Can't choose MOH</a>:
[QUOTE] But you just have to ask yourself. If my parent or someone close to me was deathly ill/hurt who would I call? Distance of a person should not be a negative when choosing your MOH.
Posted by AutumnFair[/QUOTE]

This is a good thing to think about.  Thanks for the advice!

gottahavashorti

There are things WP members often do, but those are not duties and should not be expected.  That way, you're not too dissapointed if they don't happen and it's a bonus if they do.

The wedding day details of holding flowers, standing next to you, fixing your train, holding your FI's ring and signing the marriage license if required in your state can be split among your BMs.

If you can't name your MOH in a split second, call all of them Bridesmaid or Honor Attendant.

chiwawa

I'm sorry, is this snarky brides?  I meant to post this in the wedding party forum for some help, not to get b*tched at.

bablingbrooke

Who bitched at you?  You got great advice.  

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_cant-choose-moh-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a9e9fe30-6e4e-4182-a45e-f5b8cea9fe1ePost:9d772a9b-d06d-4d4e-bfb0-8aff527ef4b9">Re: Help! Can't choose MOH</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sorry, is this snarky brides?  I meant to post this in the wedding party forum for some help, not to get b*tched at.
Posted by chiwawa[/QUOTE]

You think you got b!tched at? Can you show me one single answer that was at allb!tchy?  I think that people gave you good answers, and there was actually not a whit of snark in any of them.

mkrupar

Ditto PPs - OP you're the one that brought the snark. All ladies gave you great and correct advice.

chiwawa

Maybe I took it wrong, and if I did, I apologize.  It just seems like everybody is jumping on my case because I said my bridesmaids are helping with certain things with the wedding.  For the record, they offered to help with these things.  I haven't told anyone, "You'll do this and you'll do that."  I don't think any bride and groom do every single thing on their own, everybody gets help from friends and family.  But anyway, I've made my decision now, so this was helpful after all.

gottahavashorti

Friend A more to help with getting things done for the wedding, just because she lives closer to me, but they'll both be contributing

This is the line that implies that you were considering what they do as reason to give the MOH title.  It doesn't mean that you really meant that, but many people do and don't come back to clarify so it's easiest for posters to cover all their bases at once.

What did you end up deciding?

chiwawa

Thanks for explaining, gottahavashorti.  I didn't mean to come off like that at all.  It's hard to articulate what I meant in a way that comes across right.  Friend A lives maybe 10 minutes from me, and her parents own the house where we're having our wedding.  My wedding dress is in her closet.  She has volunteered to take rental items back after the wedding because she lives closest to them and we'll be on our honeymoon.  She has already willingly taken on several little things like that, and part of me would have felt really rude not giving her the honor of being MOH when she's doing so much to help.  I hope that is more clear.

I'm going with AutumnFair's advice and choosing the one I'd call first if some catastrophe took place, which happens to be Friend A.