2 bridesmaids but THREE groomsmen..now what? :(

PersianPhoenix

Hi ladies,

I have been majorly behind on my wedding planning. It's coming up 6/5/10. In planning my bridal party, I chose a friend who is in CA, and two here in MD. I just asked the final girl (let's call her Kelly) last week and she said yes. We went dress shopping (she, myself and the other MD bridesmaid) and found a potential dress. Kelly couldn't make it the next day with myself and the other girl and we ended up at David's Bridal and found a great dress. We sent the pic to Kelly and she seemed fine but needed to try it on. I sent her another message later saying the other girl also will be getting the dress. She decides to tell me last minute that it's expensive for her. $155? Really?? She wanted to try another dress. The problem? The other MD bridesmaid already had hers on layaway and the CA one would be buying hers too this weekend. They are all wearing the same dress. This dress was almost identical to another one they both tried the day before so I can't see the style being an issue. It even cost LESS than the other dress which she was excited about.

We went back and forth (not fighting, just texting) and she came up with a million excuses about the price, about the style, etc. I even tried the dress on and took a pic for her (we have the same size, height and body shape) and everyone loves it. The bottom line is it came out that she felt she jumped the gun saying yes and she is tight on budget and can't spend money on a dress she doesn't think she'll wear again. Can you say livid?

The bottom line is I have 2 girls now and there are THREE groomsmen. What in the world do I do now? All of my other close friends are engaged and getting married around when I am so they can't be part of the bridal party. This completely messes up the plans

Take care,

Sherry

baystateapple

Wait.  Why do you only have two bridesmaids now?  Please tell me you did not kick her out of the bridal party because she couldn't afford the dress.

Also -- no matter how cute a dress is (and I'm sure it's very pretty), if I can't afford it, seeing how adorable it is on someone else isn't going to change the fact that I don't have the money to cough up for it.

baystateapple

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_2-bridesmaids-but-three-groomsmennow?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:aa0f03e8-b9e5-4fd1-a91b-f0c392415208Post:c1eff787-472f-4213-ab15-563c8df0263e">2 bridesmaids but THREE groomsmen..now what? :(</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi ladies, I have been majorly behind on my wedding planning. It's coming up 6/5/10. In planning my bridal party, I chose a friend who is in CA, and two here in MD. I just asked the final girl (let's call her Kelly) last week and she said yes. We went dress shopping (she, myself and the other MD bridesmaid) and found a potential dress. Kelly couldn't make it the next day with myself and the other girl and we ended up at David's Bridal and found a great dress. We sent the pic to Kelly and she seemed fine but needed to try it on. I sent her another message later saying the other girl also will be getting the dress. She decides to tell me last minute that it's expensive for her. $155? Really?? She wanted to try another dress. The problem? The other MD bridesmaid already had hers on layaway and the CA one would be buying hers too this weekend. They are all wearing the same dress. This dress was almost identical to another one they both tried the day before so I can't see the style being an issue. It even cost LESS than the other dress which she was excited about. We went back and forth (not fighting, just texting) and she came up with a million excuses about the price, about the style, etc. I even tried the dress on and took a pic for her (we have the same size, height and body shape) and everyone loves it. The bottom line is it came out that she felt she jumped the gun saying yes and she is tight on budget and can't spend money on a dress she doesn't think she'll wear again. Can you say livid? The bottom line is I have 2 girls now and there are THREE groomsmen. What in the world do I do now? All of my other close friends are engaged and getting married around when I am so they can't be part of the bridal party. This completely messes up the plans :( Take care, Sherry
Posted by PersianPhoenix[/QUOTE]

JIC

psichick

yea....so you kicked her out because of a dress? what a great friend you are.

mbcdefg

You should've asked her about her budget BEFORE you picked out a dress. It's your own fault if you picked out a dress that she couldn't afford.

It's also cruel to tell someone that she can't be a bridesmaid because she cannot afford a dress that you picked. The NICE thing to do would've been to help her pay for the dress, or find a similar one in a cheaper price. Or look on eBay and Craigslist to see if you can find that David's Bridal dress, or a similar style in the same color/fabric/skirt length.

You owe this friend a big apology. It's not being a good friend at all to kick her out of your wedding over a stupid piece of clothing. I'm not trying to be mean, but I hope you realize how much you've probably hurt this girl's feelings ... "Sorry, but if you can't cough up the money for the dress then I don't want you in my wedding." PLEASE call her, apologize, welcome her back into the wedding and help find a way for her/both of you to get this dress (or something similar).

And it's even MORE cruel to replace her. Uneven wedding parties are not a big deal. Just have the Best Man and Maid of Honor walk together, and the two groomsmen can escort the one bridesmaid between them. NOT a big deal.

Stop worrying about how things will look, and start worrying about how to treat your friends better. How would YOU feel if a friend basically told you that a dress was more important to her than your friendship?

emilyinchile

What do you do? You apologize for not asking her budget and then trying to pressure one of your best friends into spending more than she could afford. Then, if she'll forgive you, you help her find the dress - look for it used online, see if you can help her pay for it if it's in the budget (either a loan or just a gift), look to see if you can find a cheaper dress that would look more or less the same from afar so that no one would notice, etc.

If none of that works, then you have 2 BMs. There is no law that sides have to be even, and it's better to have uneven sides than to ask someone as a replacement, which means you make the replacement feel bad (who wants to be second string?) and end up looking at your wedding pictures in 10 years wondering who that girl on the end is. Personally I'd rather look at uneven pictures than pictures of someone who's not a close friend and who I only asked for numbers.

SarahPLiz

What do you do?
You have uneven sides. Its not rocket science. Your marriage will still be valid, I promise.

gottahavashorti

[QUOTE]She decides to tell me last minute that it's expensive for her. $155?  Really??[/QUOTE]
Yes, that is expensive for some people.  Whether it is inexpensive to her or too expensive is not your place to decide, it's hers.  You need to respect her budget.  Especially when she has to order soon with little notice about purchasing a dress.

[QUOTE]The bottom line is it came out that she felt she jumped the gun saying yes and she is tight on budget and can't spend money on a dress she doesn't think she'll wear again. Can you say livid?[/QUOTE]
Again, she's within her rights here, you need to respect her budget.  I don't understand why you were livid.

[QUOTE]The bottom line is I have 2 girls now and there are THREE groomsmen. What in the world do I do now?[/QUOTE]
Your marriage will still be valid.  Your wedding will still be lovely.  Either one lucky girl will get to walk with a groomsman on either side, or the last groomsman will walk alone.

[QUOTE]All of my other close friends are engaged and getting married around when I am so they can't be part of the bridal party.
Posted by PersianPhoenix[/QUOTE]
I don't understand why that excludes them from the bridal party, but you shouldn't be asking a replacement bridesmaid for the sake of numbers anyhow.  They'll know that they were second choice.

I think you need to take a deep breath, destress, and remember that this is about a marriage, not a wedding, and your best friends are your BMs because you want to honor them, not force them to spend more than they can afford on a dress they'll wear for one day.

BecW2be

It's a wedding, not A Chorus Line.

If you kicked her out because she couldn't afford the dress, you are an awful friend.

CTGirl30

Just because $155 is not expensive to you, it doesn't mean that for someone else's budget it won't be as well. Your first mistake was in not asking Kelly and the other girls what their budget for BM attire was (privately, individually) before beginning to look for dresses.

Did you kick this girl out of your BP? Or did she remove herself from it because she felt the financial burden would be too much? If you kicked her out, shame on you. That's no way to treat a friend and if you truly wanted her to still be a part of the WP and wear the identical dress you could have bought it for her since $155 isn't too much to you.

The world will NOT end if you have 3 guys and 2 girls. Why do people think this is a giant catastrophe to have an uneven WP????? It's not. So please calm down and try to put things back into perspective here. And try to patch things up with your friend - sounds like some apologies are in order. You'll need friends long after your wedding day (emphasis - on DAY - it's a few hours out of a lifetime) is over.

PersianPhoenix

Ladies,

NO I didn't kick her out. She backed her. She 'claimed' it was because of the dress budget but she was extremely willing to pay for a dress more expensive before $174 to be exact. Then she tells me she's going to Acapulco for a trip that had already been planned but "only has one bathing suit and will need to go shopping for more." So NO it wasn't about the money and NO I didn't kick her out.

Thanks

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_2-bridesmaids-but-three-groomsmennow?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:aa0f03e8-b9e5-4fd1-a91b-f0c392415208Post:a2b5c685-6267-43ef-b0ec-9b1e3a88db4b">I DID NOT kick her out</a>:
[QUOTE]Ladies, NO I didn't kick her out. She backed her. She 'claimed' it was because of the dress budget but she was extremely willing to pay for a dress more expensive before $174 to be exact. Then she tells me she's going to Acapulco for a trip that had already been planned but "only has one bathing suit and will need to go shopping for more." So NO it wasn't about the money and NO I didn't kick her out. Thanks
Posted by PersianPhoenix[/QUOTE]

She backed out of your wedding because you didn't pick the dress she liked?  Hmm... there must be more to this story.

Regardless, if you have two people and your fiance has three people, then that's what you have.  Taaa-daaa...  even sides are over-rated.

baystateapple

 If you wanted people to know that you helped her pay for the dress, and that she chose to back out because of her trip, then you should have mentioned that in your first post, rather than get all upset when people drew their own conclusions based on your first post.

angegary

As an answer to your question...
You don't have to have an equal amount of attendants on each side.  Have two of the guys walk with  one girl.  I've seen that many times and it works out fine.

Hang in there...

banana468

It sounds like there may be more to this for her.  I don't think you're a "bad" person at all.  My guess is that she was looking for a way to back out.

So now that the bridal party is uneven, keep it uneven.  Two GM walk with one BM.  She's a lucky lady.

KellieGaspard

Glad you didn't kick her out. It is sucky that she won't be there, but I had an uneven WP too, and I assure you, my marriage is still as valid as anyone elses, and no one gauked when one BM walked with two GM's. She was actually happy, she felt like a "pimpette", in her words.

You can either do the same thing, or just have a GM walk in first, by himself. It's not rocket science and God will not rain fire balls over your wedding because your WP is uneven. Sheesh.

aerinpegadrak

I have five bridesmaids and one bridesman, and either three or four groomsmen (depending on if FI's brother shows) and one groomswoman.  The horror!

You sound like a major drama queen.  What do you do with an uneven wedding party?  They walk in, stand up front, walk out, and smile for pictures.  The world is not ending.

blackfire5th

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_2-bridesmaids-but-three-groomsmennow?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:aa0f03e8-b9e5-4fd1-a91b-f0c392415208Post:c16f44ae-91d2-45fc-bb55-bc04463dc365">Re: 2 bridesmaids but THREE groomsmen..now what? :(</a>:
[QUOTE] I'm asking what you would do with with only 2 bridesmaids now. Thanks for the 'support' ladies.
Posted by PersianPhoenix[/QUOTE]

<div>I don't understand your question at all.  What do you think you do with 2 bm?</div>

LarissaAnn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_2-bridesmaids-but-three-groomsmennow?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:aa0f03e8-b9e5-4fd1-a91b-f0c392415208Post:c16f44ae-91d2-45fc-bb55-bc04463dc365">Re: 2 bridesmaids but THREE groomsmen..now what? :(</a>:
[QUOTE]The above post explains why I balked that she said she couldn't afford a $155 dress. I never once said this wasn't a big deal or the price was so low. But if someone is willing to pay $174 for a different dress, then starts talking about $155 being too high, then starts talking about needing to go shopping and buying this, that and the other, then it is NOT about the price. I actually DID offer to help pay for her dress, and I actaully DID even say that I'd gow ith her to find a cheaper dress for her. So get off the 'you're such a bad friend' wagon, ladies. I think you need to ASK instead of assume. I'm not asking about what to do with HER. I'm asking what you would do with with only 2 bridesmaids now. Thanks for the 'support' ladies.
Posted by PersianPhoenix[/QUOTE]
You do the same thing I did.  Pictures in bio.