Future Sis in Law NOT in Wedding party?

mrskdoiron

I do not plan on having my future sister in law in the wedding party.  This is not due to any ill feelings between us; we actually get along well enough. Simply put, I am having a small wedding and want a small BP, with my sister and best friend only.  My fiance doesn't care and doesn't think she will either.  She's also expressed concern that our wedding is about 1000km (no idea what that is in miles sorry) from where she lives and she will have to shell out a fair amount for gas and accomodations. 
So I never thought this was an issue until I read several boards that claim "omfg of COURSE you have to ask your FSIL to in your WB! etiquette breach!!'
I am just wondering what others think I should do; whether I should tell her upfront that I am not planning on asking her to be a bridesmaid or just not refer to it and hope that she gets the point?

MacFreitas7

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_future-sis-law-not-wedding-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:ad296b3c-c2a6-41b5-a0f9-dcb31a011696Post:2b958442-05a7-449a-a4c9-e8ea4e478f4c">Re: Future Sis in Law NOT in Wedding party?</a>:
[QUOTE]I love my SIL very much.  But she wasn't in my WP.  As long as she and your FI don't have an issue with it, then I think it's fine.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

I agree with Stage...

I think that it's your personal choice on who you want to be in your wedding party.
Do you have any brothers? Are they going to be up there with FI? If so, then I think that's a little odd...

But, I don't understand what's wrong with having 1 more in your WP??  But, that's just me. I'm having FI's sister (20) as a BM and FI's little sister (8) as a Jr. BM... not because i "had" to... also because I wanted to :)

mbcdefg

If your FI is O.K. with it, then I don't see a problem.

If your FI really wanted her in the wedding party, and/or if FSIL or your in-laws would throw a fit over her being excluded, I would normally say to just have her as a bridesmaid or groomswoman to keep the peace. But if there won't be World War III over it, then it's probably not a big deal.

Don't outright tell her that she's not a bridesmaid. If she asks who's in the wedding, say, "Sis and my best friend."

mrskdoiron

You don't need to tell FSIL that you are not picking her as a BM.  She will understand that she's not a BM since you didn't ask her to be one.
Posted by frogurt814[/QUOTE]

Thank you that's what I wanted to know!

I was hoping my fiance would ask her to stand up with him since we're not sure his brother will make it, but he's being all 'traditional' about it.  Anyone ever seen that done?

bablingbrooke

Mixed-gender WPs are very common.

marinabreeze

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_future-sis-law-not-wedding-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:ad296b3c-c2a6-41b5-a0f9-dcb31a011696Post:6c36c419-b47f-4c7e-962a-2590a3c6016c">Future Sis in Law NOT in Wedding party?</a>:
[QUOTE]I do not plan on having my future sister in law in the wedding party.  This is not due to any ill feelings between us; we actually get along well enough. Simply put, I am having a small wedding and want a small BP, with my sister and best friend only.  My fiance doesn't care and doesn't think she will either.  She's also expressed concern that our wedding is about 1000km (no idea what that is in miles sorry) from where she lives and she will have to shell out a fair amount for gas and accomodations.  So I never thought this was an issue until I read several boards that claim "omfg of COURSE you have to ask your FSIL to in your WB! etiquette breach!!' I am just wondering what others think I should do; whether I should tell her upfront that I am not planning on asking her to be a bridesmaid or just not refer to it and hope that she gets the point?
Posted by mrskdoiron[/QUOTE]

There's nothing etiquette-wise that says you must have your FSIL in your BP.   Most of the time from what I've read on the boards, posters will suggest to include groom's siblings if there is a big chance of drama caused by FILs that comes from not including them, for the sake of keeping peace. 

I could be wrong, but from your OP it doesn't seem like she is dying to be in the BP, and may even consider it a burden.  So you don't have to choose her.  If your FI changes his mind about the importance of including her, he can have her on his side if he wants.

That said, don't make it a point to sit her down and tell her she's not in it.  Even if she doesn't want to be a bridesmaid, I'm sure she would feel crappy if you told her "you didn't make the cut and this is why."  She should get the point on her own.  Now if she asks, just say, "I'm having X and Y in my wedding party" and leave it at that.

sister2groom

With some families it's the tradition to have the FSILs as bridesmaids, for those families it sometimes makes sense to have the girl stand up in a dress and hold flowers just to avoid drama. Doesn't sound like your ILs are that type of family.

orangecrush32

Doesn't sounds like there's an issue here since your FI doesn't think it will cause any problem. I know my FSIL will not be in my WP. We're actually debating on whether she should even be invited due to this issues we've had with her regarding everything (meaning life in general).

specialk84

My FI is the youngest of four (two brothers, two sisters), while I only have one sibling (an older brother).  Our WP will consist of his cousin/best friend as BM, his oldest brother and my brother as GM, my cousin as MOH, the BM's wife (and friend of ours) as bridesmaid, and his niece as a junior BM.

At his cousin/best friend's wedding last fall, his niece said, "Uncle Eric, can I be a bridesmaid when you get married?"  Not thinking, he reflexively said, "Sure."  At the time, he didn't realize that eleven-year-old girls will not let that drop.  

I wanted to have his BM's sister as a bridesmaid, but FI thought it would insult his sisters.  His cousin and I are pretty close, but his sisters and I are not.  I really didn't want them to be in the WP, so I had to compromise by not including his cousin.

So, no, you don't have to have your SIL in your WP, but be prepared for someone to ask why.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_future-sis-law-not-wedding-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:ad296b3c-c2a6-41b5-a0f9-dcb31a011696Post:ae1e6a62-4a2c-4572-b18d-26eb7eaa5d00">Re: Future Sis in Law NOT in Wedding party?</a>:
[QUOTE] Thank you that's what I wanted to know! I was hoping my fiance would ask her to stand up with him since we're not sure his brother will make it, but he's being all 'traditional' about it.  Anyone ever seen that done?
Posted by mrskdoiron[/QUOTE]

<div>Mixed gender WPs are really common.  If he wants to ask his sister to stand up for him, he should, regardless of what the brother is doing.</div>

purquez2010

I'm not asking mine to be in my bridal party. We get along, but I wouldn't call us "friends". After several attempts over the years to get to know her and contact her, I gave up on facing the rejections or no answers. My FI is angry about it because he feels that I am being rude. But, I only want my true friends surrounded by me on my wedding day. Not someone who is going to sit in a corner the entire time.