uneven sides, family issues?

11November11

My family is kind of forcing my brother and sister-in-law into the wedding, and its really bothering my fiance. He doesn't appreciate how the two are a constant source of stress on me, and reasonably so, doesn't want them involved at all.

I know it won't go over well at all though, for me to leave them out. My brother is a minister and really wants to be in control of the whole wedding - Everyone in my family is uncomfortable with this, and giving him nothing to do will just aggrivate him into ruining things for guests. On any family holiday, he creates major drama before 12- noon even comes around.

I've talked to my parents about it and they are still insistant that its best if he is a groomsman, but now were back to fiancee wanting nothing to do with my brother.

So currently, he has a best man and a best man only : No interest in anyone else.

On the bridesmaid side, I have my MOH, my sister in law, and his sister. I would love to be able to add my biological sister, and my landlords daughter who was a dear friend for awhile but recently has been quite difficult to contact, so i'm trying to get her to be more on the ball with communication by christmas then make a decision.

I just feel quite stuck.

emilyinchile

I can see wanting your brother in it (although he should be on your side if he doesn't have a relationship with your fiance (one e since he's a guy, you're a fiancee)) because in some families siblings are seen as mandatory WP members, but why your SIL? That seems like a stretch to me.

I'd ask your brother to stand up for you or do a reading if that would work, but I wouldn't have your SIL as anything more than a guest.

bablingbrooke

What's your question?  How to keep the sides even (answer: don't)?  How to keep these people out of your wedding (say to mom: Thanks but no thanks)?  

mbcdefg

Don't worry about even sides. Worry about PEOPLE. It's better to include the people you love, than to exclude a loved one (or include a random person) just to keep things even.

Men can stand for the bride, and women can stand for the groom. You don't need to split the sides according to sex. If you want to include your brother and your FI doesn't want him as a groomsman, have him as your own attendant.

If your family is paying for the wedding, then they will expect some say in how it's organized and who should be in it. Either accept that you may have to give in to their demands sometimes, or refuse their money and pay for it on your own so that you have complete control (even if it means scaling things back to fit into your budget).

If your family is not paying, then they have no say. However, in some families, World War III will break out at every Thanksgiving get-together for the next 20 years if a sibling is not included in the wedding party, so in some cases it's worth it to include a sibling in order to shut people up.

All an attendant has to do is get the appropriate outfit and participate in the ceremony. If you are including someone only for the sake of family peace, then require/expect nothing more from them than these two things. You will be pleasantly surprised if they do more, and you will be satisfied if they only decide to fulfill those two obligations.

Are any of these things the answer to your question? Forgive me but I'm not quite sure what you're asking.

aerinpegadrak

In many families, it's simply a given that siblings will be in the wedding party, but I don't think that extends to in-laws.  All five of our combined siblings were in the WP, but we never even considered asking any of their spouses. 

If you think one or both of them should be in the WP, have them on your side.  If you want neither of them in the wedding, tell your family to butt out.

jaimed99

I agree with PPs...and want to add...your brother is a MINISTER??? And causing drama? He sounds like a real gem...

11November11

I spend more time on another chat and forgot to update, the wedding was moved forward.