Bridesmaid Sister-In Law

vkayse137

So I'm having my future sister in law in my bridal party as well as her daughter as flower girl.  Her daughter is 4, often disobedient.  In Sister in law's wedding (Last weekend).  She (Flowergirl) wanted to stand up there with all the other bridesmaids and was walking around, around the bridesmaids at the alter!  Everyone just let's her do what she wants and caters to her.  I have a strong feeling she is going to want to stand with her mom and the other girls, but I don't want her up there, disrupting everyone. flower girls should be seated with the wedding guests, especially at her age!  How should I lay down the law without sounding mean??

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-sister-in-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:aec42300-625c-486f-adf3-85fefd956404Post:d332f771-d7eb-4ed2-8cca-9fe640ac55d3">Bridesmaid Sister-In Law</a>:
[QUOTE]So I'm having my future sister in law in my bridal party as well as her daughter as flower girl.  Her daughter is 4, often disobedient.  In Sister in law's wedding (Last weekend).  She (Flowergirl) wanted to stand up there with all the other bridesmaids and was walking around, around the bridesmaids at the alter!  Everyone just let's her do what she wants and caters to her.  I have a strong feeling she is going to want to stand with her mom and the other girls, but I don't want her up there, disrupting everyone. flower girls should be seated with the wedding guests, especially at her age!  How should I lay down the law without sounding mean??
Posted by vkayse137[/QUOTE]

I've got to ask, why did you ask her to be your flower girl if you know she's disobedient? If her mom isn't going to keep her in line, there's not much you can do about it.

vkayse137

She's going to be my family and I wanted to include her..thanks for the advice...

hshertenlieb

Tough situation, because you will probably sound like a jerk if you ask her to keep her daughter in line and seated with the guests. Maybe ask FMIL to help keep FG seated...or have some type of activity to keep her occupied while seated.... IDK

Peledreamsofrain

Can you have grandma or grandpa luring her to her seat with toys, candy, etc? Or heck, just plain picking her up and taking her there, then keeping her entertained.

vkayse137

Thank you!!

Shlby81

Talk to FSIL about controlling her daughter. She has to know that she has a wild child.

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-sister-in-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:aec42300-625c-486f-adf3-85fefd956404Post:014938cd-2781-4d53-9413-eaea2778328f">Re: Bridesmaid Sister-In Law</a>:
[QUOTE]Talk to FSIL about controlling her daughter. She has to know that she has a wild child.
Posted by Shlby81[/QUOTE]

If this is the FI's sister, this is his conversation to have.

samantha24p

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-sister-in-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:aec42300-625c-486f-adf3-85fefd956404Post:014938cd-2781-4d53-9413-eaea2778328f">Re: Bridesmaid Sister-In Law</a>:
[QUOTE]Talk to FSIL about controlling her daughter. She has to know that she has a wild child.
Posted by Shlby81[/QUOTE]




Please don't tell your FSiL that she has a "wild child". People don't like to be told there children are bad. That's just awful and rude. Id probably have a grandparent sit with the flower girl during the ceremony.

Shlby81

Why can't she talk to her FSIL? Aren't they both adults? Samantha and bear you are to judging.

mbcdefg

Offer to hire a sitter. If FSIL says no, then you're pretty much out of luck.

vkayse137

Thank you for all of your feedback..I've never been to a wedding besides this past one that a 4 yr old flower girl stands up with the bridesmaids at the alter..thoughts on this??

vkayse137

Thank you for all of your feedback..I've never been to a wedding besides this past one that a 4 yr old flower girl stands up with the bridesmaids at the alter..thoughts on this??

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-sister-in-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:aec42300-625c-486f-adf3-85fefd956404Post:0ab48d7d-2e17-4499-93b3-c3b5e30c3816">Re: Bridesmaid Sister-In Law</a>:
[QUOTE]Why can't she talk to her FSIL? Aren't they both adults? Samantha and bear you are to judging.
Posted by Shlby81[/QUOTE]

Family is tricky.  The general rule - and the one DH and I follow - is that we both deal with our own sides of the family.  People are much more likely to consider something said by an in-law (or soon-to-be inlaw) as an attack.  If it comes from their brother/sister/son/daughter, etc., they are more likely to consider what it being said.  When you are dealing with something as emotionally charged as a wedding, this is all heightened. 

vkayse137

Thanks  @ Goodluck Bear  I totally agree, but I think since it's just the general flow of how I want my ceremony to go maybe I will just explain when we go over the order of bridesmaids walking up the aisle like it's no big deal.  I think if it's said that way and everyone hears, they should respect my opinion since I'm the bride.  I think it will be selfish of them if they have a negative opinion of how I want our ceremony to be : )

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-sister-in-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:aec42300-625c-486f-adf3-85fefd956404Post:eb6ba1c2-c7c8-43d5-913f-16ca57f4880f">Re: Bridesmaid Sister-In Law</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks  @ Goodluck Bear  I totally agree, but I think since it's just the general flow of how I want my ceremony to go maybe I will just explain when we go over the order of bridesmaids walking up the aisle like it's no big deal.  I think if it's said that way and everyone hears, they should respect my opinion since I'm the bride.  I think it will be selfish of them if they have a negative opinion of how I want our ceremony to be : )
Posted by vkayse137[/QUOTE]

Then be sure your FI is 100% on board with this in case he has to step in to back you up.  My one godson is a holy terror but the one person on the planet who does not see it is his mother.  He was on our mind when we chose a historic venue that does not allow children.  If your FSIL is anything like this kid's mother, she will have a negative opinion about anything that involves her child not getting her way.