Wedding Party

Grooms brother-in-law mad at Brides Father

My fiance and I have been together for 4.5 years now, engaged for 1.5 years. We are 2 months away from our big day, and have had both families together for many occations in the 4.5 years we have been together. They absolutely love eachother! Our families fit together so perfectly, it couldn't be better! I couldn't have asked for anything more! My father especially has gotten along with my fiance's sister and her husband.
Recently, my fiance's sister has chit chatted with my father, about numerous things, life, astrology, things they have in common. They are friends on FB. Apparently this sister's husband is now upset and will refuse to speak to my father or my family. He took it the wrong way and thinks my father was talking to her at inappropriate times and took it as some kind of flirting. It is taken way out of proportion.
Now again, our wedding is in 2 months, and I cannot stand for this to be happening. It is breaking my heart for my fiance's family members to turn their backs on my family and act cold with no response to many attemps to reconcile the issue. I don't know what to do!
The Mags

Re: Grooms brother-in-law mad at Brides Father

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
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    You don't do anything.  This is not your issue to deal with.  Everyone involved are adults and they should be able to deal with this themselves.  Do not put yourself or your FI in the middle of this because it will cause more harm then good.

  • In Response to Re: Grooms brother-in-law mad at Brides Father:
    You don't do anything.  This is not your issue to deal with.  Everyone involved are adults and they should be able to deal with this themselves.  Do not put yourself or your FI in the middle of this because it will cause more harm then good.
    Posted by Maggie0829

    That's what I thought. My dad asked my fiance if he would talk to his family to try to get his brother in law to speak to him. It made me mad that my dad would ask us to get in the middle of it. Now I feel upset with my dad, but I don't want to be. I did get to talk with my dad, and he understood our reasoning, and will just keep trying to get the brother-in-law to talk and get over the issue. Hope it gets resolved before the wedding!
    The Mags
  • In Response to Re: Grooms brother-in-law mad at Brides Father:
    In Response to Re: Grooms brother-in-law mad at Brides Father : That's what I thought. My dad asked my fiance if he would talk to his family to try to get his brother in law to speak to him. It made me mad that my dad would ask us to get in the middle of it. Now I feel upset with my dad, but I don't want to be. I did get to talk with my dad, and he understood our reasoning, and will just keep trying to get the brother-in-law to talk and get over the issue. Hope it gets resolved before the wedding!
    Posted by MplusS413
    Don't be upset with your dad. It was wrong of him to ask you to get involved, but he was probably just upset at being accused of something so heinous and wasn't thinking clearly. That's my theory, anyway.  I'm sure your FBIL will get over it and if not, that speaks volumes about him.
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  • In Response to Re: Grooms brother-in-law mad at Brides Father:
    In Response to Re: Grooms brother-in-law mad at Brides Father : That's what I thought. My dad asked my fiance if he would talk to his family to try to get his brother in law to speak to him. It made me mad that my dad would ask us to get in the middle of it. Now I feel upset with my dad, but I don't want to be. I did get to talk with my dad, and he understood our reasoning, and will just keep trying to get the brother-in-law to talk and get over the issue. Hope it gets resolved before the wedding!
    Posted by MplusS413
    Has your dad tried picking up the phone, calling your FBIL and trying to fix this?
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
  • itzMSitzMS
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
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    edited January 2013
    Agreed with pp's. Just wanted to add my two cents.

    DH and his SIL's father had some words a couple of years ago about something they didn't agree upon. Who knows. Anyways, we still mutually attend family events...those two just keep their distance. Adults can handle it...and if your father was not at all in the wrong, it should blow over. Now certainly, it would make sense for your dad to not chit-chat SIL for awhile if he knows what's best for him, but you shouldn't say anything about it.
  • In Response to Re: Grooms brother-in-law mad at Brides Father:
    Agreed with pp's. Just wanted to add my two cents. DH and his SIL's father had some words a couple of years ago about something they didn't agree upon. Who knows. Anyways, we still mutually attend family events...those two just keep their distance. Adults can handle it...and if your father was not at all in the wrong, it should blow over. Now certainly, it would make sense for your dad to not chit-chat SIL for awhile if he knows what's best for him, but you shouldn't say anything about it.
    Posted by itzMS

    My dad has tried calling and texting my fiance's brother-in-law. He ignores the calls and texts. My dad really didn't do anything wrong, just talking to someone, a to-be in-law at that, and it came across the wrong way to the husband. My fiance and I have told my dad that we would like to stay out of it, and if he wants to keep trying to talk to the brother-in-law, go ahead and try to mend things, but be civil if things don't work out.)especially by the wedding) I guess that's all he can do.
    The Mags
  • A married man is FB friends with a married woman young enough to be his daughter.

    Read and re-read the above.  Now, pretend you don't know either party. Read it a few more times.

    I won't bother to point out the unwise decisions both your father and FSIL made, but I certainly understand why your FBIL is unhappy.  As PP stated, there's nothing for YOU to do but stay out of it.  They are all grown-ups and will not sabotage your wedding.  Keep yourself focused on your joy!
  • In Response to Re: Grooms brother-in-law mad at Brides Father:
    A married man is FB friends with a married woman young enough to be his daughter. Read and re-read the above.  Now, pretend you don't know either party. Read it a few more times. I won't bother to point out the unwise decisions both your father and FSIL made, but I certainly understand why your FBIL is unhappy .  As PP stated, there's nothing for YOU to do but stay out of it.  They are all grown-ups and will not sabotage your wedding.  Keep yourself focused on your joy!
    Posted by Lisa50
    I'm with Lisa.  Even if it was perfectly innocent, there is a lot of room for suspicion.  If your FBIL is uncomfortable with the amount of their chit-chatting or the nature of it, he might have a good reason--unless he's a jealous lunatic who gets like this about every guy his wife has as a FB friend.

    Just stay out of it and hope that this will all blow over by the time you get married.
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  • Kate61487Kate61487
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its Name Dropper
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    edited January 2013
    Sorry Lisa and Stanto but I disagree wholeheartedly.  They're family friends.  I'm FB friends with many men my fathers age - my uncles of course, but others are my friends' parents, dad's friends, and several are related to H or H's family friends that we see at BBQs and family gatherings.  

    If FBIL had an issue with it he should be taking it up with his wife, not OP's dad. 

    Other than that, OP, I think PPs are right.  You and FI need to stay out of it and let your dad and more importantly FBIL and FSIL figure this out among themselves.
  • This is all sorts of not your your place to be in the middle of.  There's nothing you can do to make it better since you aren't involved.  Involving yourself will only present more opportunities for miscommunication and potentially look like taking sides.

    Just keep back, don't help create more mud for them to roll around in, and eventually they'll run out with time.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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  • In Response to Re: Grooms brother-in-law mad at Brides Father:
    Sorry Lisa and Stanto but I disagree wholeheartedly.  They're family friends.  I'm FB friends with many men my fathers age - my uncles of course, but others are my friends' parents, dad's friends, and several are related to H or H's family friends that we see at BBQs and family gatherings.   If FBIL had an issue with it he should be taking it up with his wife, not OP's dad.  Other than that, OP, I think PPs are right.  You and FI need to stay out of it and let your dad and more importantly FBIL and FSIL figure this out among themselves.
    Posted by Kate61487
    I think our point was that it's understandable why FSIL's husband might be upset.  I'm FB friends with some old male teachers and other older married men, but I also never really talk to them or even comment to them on FB.  I talk to family friends when I'm with the family.  I don't have personal relationships with those men where we talk about "life, astrology, and things [we] have in common."  Again, it could be perfectly innocent--OP's dad might just be pleased that his daughter is getting a really nice SIL and isn't even attracted to her.  The OP doesn't say whether the chit-chatting was relegated to FB status comments or talking on the phone or anything like that, so we don't know anything except that the husband was bothered enough about this to not want to take calls from OP's dad (which I find very immature, giving more credence to the idea that he's overreacting).

    OP, I apologize if it sounds like I'm trying to condemn your dad.  I'm mostly just playing devil's advocate and you're probably right that nothing inappropriate was going on.  In either case, take the other PPs' advice and stay out of it.
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  • In Response to Re: Grooms brother-in-law mad at Brides Father:
    Sorry Lisa and Stanto but I disagree wholeheartedly.  They're family friends.  I'm FB friends with many men my fathers age - my uncles of course, but others are my friends' parents, dad's friends, and several are related to H or H's family friends that we see at BBQs and family gatherings.   If FBIL had an issue with it he should be taking it up with his wife, not OP's dad.  Other than that, OP, I think PPs are right.  You and FI need to stay out of it and let your dad and more importantly FBIL and FSIL figure this out among themselves.
    Posted by Kate61487

    Uh, me too. This is ridiculous. I'm friends with co-workers and their wives on Facebook. OMG AM I TRYING TO STEAL THEIR MAN? I also carpool with a male coworker. THE HORROR. I'm friends with old college professors, too. Scandalous.

    It's Facebook and the Internet, dudes. Calm down.

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  • In Response to Re: Grooms brother-in-law mad at Brides Father:
    In Response to Re: Grooms brother-in-law mad at Brides Father : I think our point was that it's understandable why FSIL's husband might be upset.  I'm FB friends with some old male teachers and other older married men, but I also never really talk to them or even comment to them on FB.  I talk to family friends when I'm with the family.  I don't have personal relationships with those men where we talk about "life, astrology, and things [we] have in common."  Again, it could be perfectly innocent--OP's dad might just be pleased that his daughter is getting a really nice SIL and isn't even attracted to her.  The OP doesn't say whether the chit-chatting was relegated to FB status comments or talking on the phone or anything like that, so we don't know anything except that the husband was bothered enough about this to not want to take calls from OP's dad (which I find very immature, giving more credence to the idea that he's overreacting). OP, I apologize if it sounds like I'm trying to condemn your dad.  I'm mostly just playing devil's advocate and you're probably right that nothing inappropriate was going on.  In either case, take the other PPs' advice and stay out of it.
    Posted by stantokm
    Then why are you friends with them?

    For people about to be bonded by family members' marriage, I think none of those things were out of the ordinary topics. It's not like he was asking her about her bra size. Although I think anyone talking astrology is a little bonkers.
    image
  • In Response to Re: Grooms brother-in-law mad at Brides Father:
    In Response to Re: Grooms brother-in-law mad at Brides Father : I think our point was that it's understandable why FSIL's husband might be upset.  I'm FB friends with some old male teachers and other older married men, but I also never really talk to them or even comment to them on FB.  I talk to family friends when I'm with the family.  I don't have personal relationships with those men where we talk about "life, astrology, and things [we] have in common."  Again, it could be perfectly innocent--OP's dad might just be pleased that his daughter is getting a really nice SIL and isn't even attracted to her.  The OP doesn't say whether the chit-chatting was relegated to FB status comments or talking on the phone or anything like that, so we don't know anything except that the husband was bothered enough about this to not want to take calls from OP's dad (which I find very immature, giving more credence to the idea that he's overreacting). OP, I apologize if it sounds like I'm trying to condemn your dad.  I'm mostly just playing devil's advocate and you're probably right that nothing inappropriate was going on.  In either case, take the other PPs' advice and stay out of it.
    Posted by stantokm
    So by this reasoning, I should start defriending a lot of men I'm FB friends with because they are the dads of friends, friends of my dad, former colleagues, etc..  How about I just defriend any male to whom I am not a blood relation?  After that I'll get right on becoming a citizen of Saudi Arabia or Iran where this kind of reasoning goes on.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
  • In Response to Re: Grooms brother-in-law mad at Brides Father:
    A married man is FB friends with a married woman young enough to be his daughter. Read and re-read the above.  Now, pretend you don't know either party. Read it a few more times. I won't bother to point out the unwise decisions both your father and FSIL made, but I certainly understand why your FBIL is unhappy .  As PP stated, there's nothing for YOU to do but stay out of it.  They are all grown-ups and will not sabotage your wedding.  Keep yourself focused on your joy!
    Posted by Lisa50

    Well my fiance's sister(the brother-in-law's wife) is not young enough to be my father's daughter. She is 43 years old. She is my fiance's older sister. My family has had barbeques with my fiance's family throughout the 4.5 years we have been together and my father hit it off with my fiacne's sister and her husband. One day, my father had been talking on FB with my fiance's sister, and her husband took it the wrong way, and is now mad and won't talk to my father.
    That's the story here.
    The Mags
  • In Response to Re: Grooms brother-in-law mad at Brides Father:
    In Response to Re: Grooms brother-in-law mad at Brides Father : I think our point was that it's understandable why FSIL's husband might be upset.  I'm FB friends with some old male teachers and other older married men, but I also never really talk to them or even comment to them on FB.  I talk to family friends when I'm with the family.  I don't have personal relationships with those men where we talk about "life, astrology, and things [we] have in common."  Again, it could be perfectly innocent--OP's dad might just be pleased that his daughter is getting a really nice SIL and isn't even attracted to her.  The OP doesn't say whether the chit-chatting was relegated to FB status comments or talking on the phone or anything like that, so we don't know anything except that the husband was bothered enough about this to not want to take calls from OP's dad (which I find very immature, giving more credence to the idea that he's overreacting). OP, I apologize if it sounds like I'm trying to condemn your dad.  I'm mostly just playing devil's advocate and you're probably right that nothing inappropriate was going on.  In either case, take the other PPs' advice and stay out of it.
    Posted by stantokm
    I think this is a place for unbiased advice, not judgmental comments, no matter what the question or content of the questions.

    The Mags
  • The advice I will take away from this is to not get involved and let my father and fiance's sister and brother-in-law work it our together if they so choose. I really hope they do because they are all beautiful people and I love all of them.

    The Mags
  • In Response to Re: Grooms brother-in-law mad at Brides Father:
    In Response to Re: Grooms brother-in-law mad at Brides Father : Okay, what were they talking about?  The fact that the husband also liked and was friends with your dad until one particular conversation is new information.  What did your FBIL take the wrong way?  Was it something specific or just the general frequency of their talking?
    Posted by StageManager14
    Could have been the time of day, it was later in the evning, or the frequency too. I really don't know, my father was vague with that information. He said they also texted once or twice to say like, 'how's it going? what's new this weekend with you and your hubby?' It's kinda of strange to me why the brother-in-;aw would get upset. My dad and he were into motorcycles and were gonna build a bike together. lol It doesn't make any sense to me. My dad could have said something inappropriate, who knows...but it upsets me either way...
    The Mags
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