Military Wife Matron of Honor

futurehubzandwifey

Hey y'all!

I want my oldest friend all the way from middle school to be my Matron of Honor. The only problem is she lives in Cali w/ her hubby living on base and I'm in Texas.

I'm not sure how to handle it because she can't be there for many (if any) of the planning events. What if she moves further away? What if her hubby gets sent overseas and then his leave is during our wedding? LOL, so many scenarios are going through my head that would come happen where she couldn't be a part of the wedding.

Do I ask her anyway and have a backup MOH? Do I just not ask her?

I'm not sure what is the best thing for everyone here.

CA2MT4EveR

If she is closest to you, ask her to be your MOH. Her only "duty" is to be there during the actual wedding itself, the rest of everything else is just optional and perks.  Maybe you have family members or other friends who will offer to host a shower for you if that is what you are worried about.

stina93446

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_military-wife-matron-of-honor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:b2ab0b09-c458-4fba-b415-58ba47bebbf6Post:ca04c713-4e69-4925-8c0c-54018c98bb72">Military Wife Matron of Honor</a>:
[QUOTE]Hey y'all! I want my oldest friend all the way from middle school to be my Matron of Honor. The only problem is she lives in Cali w/ her hubby living on base and I'm in Texas. I'm not sure how to handle it because she can't be there for many (if any) of the <strong>planning events</strong>. What if she moves further away? What if her hubby gets sent overseas and then his leave is during our wedding? LOL, so many scenarios are going through my head that would come happen where she couldn't be a part of the wedding. Do I ask her anyway and have a backup MOH? Do I just not ask her? I'm not sure what is the best thing for everyone here.
Posted by futurehubzandwifey[/QUOTE]

<div>Ask her to be your matron of honor because she is your DEAREST friend, not closest geographical. BMs and MOHs are not required to help you plan your wedding OR your pre wedding parties. Your wedding is for you, your FI, and if you can afford one, your PLANNER to plan.</div><div>
</div><div>Pre wedding parties like showers and B parties are optional and are GIFTS, not required at all. So if you love her and love her the most, ask her regardless of where she lives.</div><div>
</div><div>You should DEFINITELY ask her. Don't worry about these other scenarios in your head. Deal with them IF and WHEN they come up rather than put your head in a tizzy over nothing. You should most definitely NOT get a back up. What is the big deal anyway?! What does a MOH do? She stands closest to you, holds your bouquet, and takes pictures....oooh super hard, right? NO! </div><div>
</div><div>If you didn't have a MOH, would your wedding be any less valid? NO! Do not get a replacement, ask your friend because she's the only person you'd want next to you, and quit worrying about things that haven't even happened yet.</div>

mysticl

I'm about to be a Military wife.  I would be so deeply hurt if my BFF decided that my FI job meant I couldn't be in her wedding, of course she grew up in the Navy so that would never happen.  No MOH needs to be around for the planning.  If she moves farther away she will have a farther flight to your wedding.  If her husband gets deployed and has leave over your wedding, then he can come to the wedding with her.  If you want her to be in your wedding ask her, don't have a 2nd string standing by.  If there is something in her husband's near future, like a transfer to Germany or God knows where, that could prevent her from being in the wedding she will tell you that she's not sure if she can be there and would be prefer to just be a guest. 

trix1223

Sweetie, you're making two mistakes here.  You're misunderstanding what the role of a WP is, and I'll get to that in a minute.  You're also deciding for someone what her answer will be to the question "Will you be my MOH" based on where she's living and what her job is.

Now:  Here's the real scoop on what a WP's role REALLY is and is not::

Put down the wedding magazines.  Turn off the wedding tv shows.  Stop reading lists of WP "duties" on wedding websites.  Take the wedding planning books back to Barnes and Noble.  Because they're just trying to get you to buy "stuff" that their advertisers sell.

Here's the reality:  the "duties" of a member of the WP start and end with the ceremony.  That's it.  Lock, stock, and barrel.  They wear the attire, walk down the aisle, stand respectfully during the ceremony, and smile for pictures.  Done and done.

Here's what they don't have to do:  help plan and/or execute your wedding.  That includes:  They don't have to go on venue visits, go to tastings, or help pick our wedding cake.  They don't have to go bridal gown shopping, or make, order, address, or stuff invitations or STDs. 

They don't have to make favors, CPs, or OOT bags.  They don't have to help decorate the venue, deliver OOT bags, chauffeur guests around.  They don't have to plan, throw, or even attend pre-wedding parties, including e-parties, showers, and/or b-parties.

The don't have to research vendors or help plan honeymoons.  They don't have to provide "emotional support" (which should be the responsibility of your FI). 


Lower your expectations of what a WP is all about.  You'll be happier.  So will your friends.

My last piece of advice:  Print out the following words:  "NO ONE WILL BE AS EXCITED ABOUT MY WEDDING AS I WILL."  Because it's true.  it will also keep you on a smooth path.

GL

 

Enjoy your planning, and happy wedding!

emilyinchile

I live in Chile. My MOH lives in the US and is in med school, so even if we were next door neighbors she probably wouldn't have had much time to help or possibly even attend pre-wedding events. That's not the point. The point is that she is my best friend and therefore my MOH. The relationship is all that matters.

Oh, and as far as her potentially not making it goes, there was an 8.8 earthquake the week before my wedding. The airport was closed until 2 days before my wedding. I got lucky, and all 3 of my US-based BMs made it, but it was possible that I'd be standing up there with no attendants. So a) that's again not the point, I wouldn't have replaced any of them or regretted choosing them just because they weren't able to be there and b) even if you choose someone with a more predictable lifestyle, sh#t happens. You can't guarantee anyone's going to be able to be there on your wedding day, so just ask the people you want without worrying about that.

DavidandAmyClark

I agree with PP.  They are wise. 

One of my BMs is a military wife who is a woman capable of getting herself to the airport and getting on a plane while her husband is deployed, in fact she moved to CO for 6 months from TX and delivered a baby all while hubs was deployed.  I love her dearly and she is perfectly capable of fulfilling her roles to love and support me and party down at my wedding.  Even if her husband is deployed, I am confident she will show at the wedding, even though she has a baby! Crazy.

She was also a MOH for a good friend from TX, and a creative solution to having the MOH present at pre-wedding parties was she came into down a week before the wedding and stayed the whole week.  So Sat afternoon was the shower, evening was B-party. Then the friday following was the wedding, MOH was on a plane home on sunday.  It seemed to work well. 

And if your MOH can't make it to your shower or B-party it will be fine.  I went to a shower where the MOH was unable to attend and their marriage is still joyous and the party was just fine.