Buying the BM Dresses

jemmini6

I am recently engaged (only 2 weeks) so I'm obviously not that far into the wedding planning process.  However, I do already have my BP selected : 3 BMs, my two older sisters and one of my friends. 

The thing is, 2 of them (1 sister, 1 friend) are pregnant right now and will be having their babies in the beginning of the year.  My other sister is going through a divorce.  So for all three of them, I know money is going to be tight.  I am trying to pick the cheapest BM dress I can (not ugly though), but I was thinking it would be a nice gesture to try and cover the costs for all of them.  I am on a very tight budget and not sure if it's possible. 

My question is, should I stress about trying to pay for all 3 dresses, or is it reasonable for me to ask them to purchase their own if I can keep the cost around $50-$60? 

Robyn5298

Most bridesmaids anticipate paying for their own dresses so I don't think any of them will balk at the thought of paying.  However, if you're going to ask them to pay for their own dresses, the general rule is that you must ask them about their individual budgets first.

I suggest you speak to each of them individually and find out what they are comfortable spending, then go from there.  Start shopping with the smallest budget in mind.  You may find a dress you love that fits with that price range, but if you don't, you can always cover the difference between the cost of the dress and the budget the bridesmaids have agreed on.

I'm sure you'll find something lovely that will work for your ladies!

bablingbrooke

Since you've got about 14 months until the wedding, don't think about dress shopping at all until April or May.  That's when you should be shopping anyway.  Their financial situations may be very different by then (for better or worse) and you don't want to paint yourself into a corner now.

You've been engaged two weeks.  Stop planning.  Just enjoy for a little while.  Nothing needs to be done now, and this stuff shouldn't be done now.  Even if you like to plan ahead.  This involves other people spending money and it's not fair to impart your own timeframe onto them.

To answer your question, at the appropriate time (roughly 6 months before the wedding) ask each BM individually for her budget.  Then find something that costs less than the lowest price you get.  Then you're set.

jemmini6

Yeah, the only reason I asked is because I'm pretty sure the 2 with babies will be for the worst (financially).  I'm not doing much planning other than budget-wise, and I'm just trying to anticipate this as budget factor.  We won't be doing any actual shopping until after the 2 have given birth, especially since it would be hard for them to try on dresses.  Although, our date is not set in stone and depending on venue, we may bump the wedding up, so I'm also trying to anticipate that just in case.

bablingbrooke

Don't assume other peoples' finances.  It's a dangerous game.  You'll never know for sure.  And to get them to spend money now in case they don't have it later isn't a great idea (at least that's how I interpreted what you wrote).  You'll figure something out.  But wait until you've got the date nailed down (venues booked) before you do anything else.  Wedding plans have been known to change, wedding budgets have been known to decrease, and it's not fair to ask them to buy dresses for an event that hasn't been "solidified" yet.  And yes, this happens ALL the time.  

Do the things you and your FI need to do at this point.  Bring in the WP at the appropriate time.  But right now isn't the appropriate time.

gottahavashorti

If you decide not to purchase the BM dresses, just ask them what they are comfortable spending on a dress when the time comes and go from there in terms of the dress shirt.

At this point, figure out your budget and try to leave some wiggle room for miscellaneous expenses.  Little things add up, and unexpected expenses come up.  Try to focus on shopping around for the big budget things right now - venue, caterer, photographer.  Once those things are taken care of, you'll have a better idea about whether you can afford the dresses.

aerinpegadrak

Go ahead and include their dresses into your budget for now.  That way, if it comes up that they can't pay for it, you're not scrambling to come up with the cash, but if they're fine with the expense, you can allocate that money elsewhere.  It's WAAAAAY better to overbudget than underbudget.

Or you could just give them some very basic guidelines (color, fabric, length, etc) and leave them on their own, that way they're spending as much or as little as they see fit, and can possibly wear something they already own or borrow a dress that's appropriate.  This is usually the path of least drama anyway.  Telling my girls to wear any black dress was possibly one of the very best decisions I made.

mbcdefg

If you want to buy their dresses, that's fine, but you're not obligated to do so. (Unless you're asking them to buy a dress out of their price range.)

I would personally just say to them, "I figured we could talk about your dress budgets and style preferences about six months before the wedding." That way, they have a heads-up as to when you'll approach them about the dresses, and they'll also have some time to put away a bit of money for the dresses if they wish.

There are plenty of resources to get great dresses for $50 or less. People on this board will gladly help you find them, once the time comes and once you know for sure what your BMs can afford to spend.

Ditto PPs - it's nice of you to be concerned about their budgets, but don't assume who can/cannot afford something. Only they can tell you what they can handle.

jemmini6

Babling- no, I'm not looking to have them buy their dresses now or anytime soon at all. I'm not even going to approach the dress topic with them until the date gets closer.  When the time comes, I will definitely reasses their individual financial situations.  All I'm trying to do now is anticipate the little things that might come up, such as them not being able to afford a dress; in which case, I want to have that worked into my budget. 

aerin- I think that's a good idea to just go ahead and plan for that expense anyways and then reallocate it later if need be.  I'm planning to keep the dresses around $50-$60 each anyways, so that should be easy enough for them to handle (and for me if I find I need to pay for it). 

Thanks for the suggestions!

wegsmom

What a wonderful gesture.  And even though you have time...I thought I throw out the suggestion of trying Target.com.  Believe it or not, they have some really nice party dresses, etc. and great prices.  Plus they have a great selection of sizes.

Best of luck to all of you.