paying for the shower

Charity613

Just because I have no clue what's typical in these situations, I am curious. My sister, who is my MOH, is saying that, basically, she can afford only one or the other- her dress or my bridal shower. The dresses are from DB and could be as low as 80 dollars, btw. So anyway, she wants to use money from my wedding budget to pay for the shower. Do people do this??

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_paying-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:b5ee9987-e1e9-49c0-bd08-d6e01ed5745ePost:1468a9e4-9ada-4557-91fa-32d59af68da5">paying for the shower</a>:
[QUOTE]Just because I have no clue what's typical in these situations, I am curious. My sister, who is my MOH, is saying that, basically, she can afford only one or the other- her dress or my bridal shower. The dresses are from DB and could be as low as 80 dollars, btw. So anyway, she wants to use money from my wedding budget to pay for the shower. Do people do this??
Posted by Charity613[/QUOTE]
She's under no obligation to pay for your bridal shower, no one is.  If she's unable to contribute financially, she can contribute another way or choose not to be listed as a host.  It would also be extremely inappropriate for you to pay for your shower in any way.  It's an optional party, not everyone has one, and you'll be just as married without one.

Charity613

I will obviously be married without one, that's not really the issue! I also realize that no one is under any obligation to pay for it. The point is that she WANTS to host it. My parents are paying for the wedding and have not given me all the money to pay for everything, but they pay as the need arises. So she wants to get money from them for the budget to use for the shower. The point of my question was simply to inquire if this was the norm... which I didn't think it was.

aerinpegadrak

If your sister wants to go to your parents for money to host the shower, she's welcome to.  But you shouldn't have any involvement at all.  You can remind her that a shower doesn't have to cost much at all; she can have people over to someone's house, serve them some cookies and soda, and poof, you've got a shower.

Charity613

Yes! I like it!

HisCB

well if she WANTS to host it, its up to her to find a way financially to host it. showers do NOT have to cost much money. she can also talk to another bridesmaid, or close friend or relative to see if they can do it together. she can offer to do all the work involved if someone else buys stuff.

the shower money shouldnt come out of the overall wedding budget. but sometimes the bridesmaid dresses do, i am paying for 2 out of 4 of my bridesmaids dresses my fi is paying for one of his 3 groomsmens tuxes. so you might offer to split her dress cost with her since her money is so tight. then she can chose to spend the rest of her bridesmaid budget on the shower.

my sister is super broke, i paid for her dress and she will pay me back, eventually. her apartment isnt big enough for any party so her and my aunt are cohosting the shower. they split the cost of decor/game prizes (from dollar tree) and they asked the other bridesmaids (and bridesman) to each bring some snacks. they printed invitations at home and hand delivered many to save money. i had also circled names of shower guests who have facebook incase they wanted to do some invites online to save postage.

another option is for you to not have a shower, you can let a few people know that your MOH cannot throw one for you. if someone offers to do it instead (it does NOT have to be a bridesmaid) you can let them know how gracious you are and that your MOH might like to help, just cannot financially help.

you really shouldnt pay for your own shower, but if your parents agree to pay for it, they can opt to give the money to your MOH or host it themselves.

emilyinchile

Her asking your parents for money doesn't mean she's taking from your wedding budget - it just means she's asking her parents for money.

My answer to your original question would be no, people don't do that, because then you would be paying for your own shower, however I don't think your question reflects the reality of the situation.

Charity613

No no, it actually DOES reflect the reality of the situation... Her exact words to me were, "We can take some money from the wedding budget for the shower." She's not just asking my parents for extra money in addition to my budget, but for money FROM it. Those were her words. Either way though, my parents do not think it's "fair" that they should have to pay for the shower too... So at this point I'm just like screw it, whatever! Let's just not even have a shower! I think I will contribute some money for her dress though, b/c money is obviously quite tight. She said she might have to get a "knock-off" to be able to afford it... So I think I'm gonna help out instead lol! 

bablingbrooke

Just because your sister can't throw one doesn't necessarily mean you won't get one.  My sister couldn't throw me one, so two of my aunts, offered to throw one for me when they found out I wasn't having one otherwise.  So never say never.

MyNameIsNot

"Sis, you know I don't need a shower.  If you want to do it, do what you can.  You know I'd be totally cool with 10 people in your living room and a cake, so don't feel like you have to spend a bunch of money.  If you want to talk to mom and dad about money, that's up to you.  I really don't care either way, so you can handle it however you like."