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kaitm22

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Belle2Be

I think its time to grow up, you're not in high school anymore. You told her she could bring a date, just let her bring her date. Did you make every one of your guests get a background check and OK from you? No? Then you need to let it go.

Belle2Be

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-date-dramakinda-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:b7b95a53-b22d-41b5-bab7-29e73b5b8536Post:962326d6-a8be-4ee5-bf9b-7fd8d240fcbe">Bridesmaid Date Drama...Kinda Long</a>:
[QUOTE]Hey ladies! Im looking for advice on a sticky subject that recently came up with one of my bridesmaids. This girl has kind of been a jealous bridesmaid and caused a couple of rough spots before this (she was talking trash about me to mutual friends behind my back) but I confronted her about it and she apologized, so I thought we had worked things out. A while back she asked if she could bring a date, telling me she had this guy she knows through college in mind and I said sure, as long as he is okay with you being busy and all, since he wouldnt know anyone else at the wedding. Then just a week or so ago, I found out through a mutual friend that she had invited a guy we went to high school with to come as her date. Now FI and I included many high school friends when we were sending out invitations, but purposely did not invite this guy, since we both think he is a prick and never someone we would want to have at the wedding. I told FI she invited his and he is furious, he just has an old grudge against this guy, and I figure its his day too, why should he put up with this person he totally loathes. Bridesmaid claims she did not know that we dont like this guy, although she was one of my best friends in high school, we went to a small school, and i have expressed that I dont want him there way before this came up. I told her that the problem was between her and FI, and now he is struggling with what exactly to say to her, since we dont want feelings to get hurt, but this is a big problem. I dont have a problem with her bringing a date, and Im not neccessarily trying to control her, but wtf, couldnt she have asked if it was okay to bring him? What would you ladies say? We dont want to cross a line, but this guy just was never welcome!
Posted by kaitm22[/QUOTE]

Viczaesar

This seems like an awful lot of really old drama.  Did this guy murder someone or did your FI's former girlfriend cheat on him with this guy?  If not, time to let it go and be the bigger people.  You gave your BM a date, she chose a date.  As PP says, unless you're doing background checks on all your wedding's plus ones (which would be a whole different problem), you need to let it go.

trix1223

Sorry:  if you're old enough to get married, you're old enough to let go of high school.

also:  You told her she could bring a date.  You don't get to choose who.  You don't have to like him.  He's not your date.

You'll be so busy on your wedding day that you really won't notice him.  All you have to do is say a polite, "Thank you for coming" and then ignore him for the rest of your wedding.

Let this go.

Lilou902

Sher picks her date, not you.  I have two BMs bringing friends because they aren't dating anyone...I'm not thrilled with it, since I have to pay for them and 2. I really don't like the one girl, but it is what it is.  And as for your friend being busy, the only things she will have to do is stand up there during the ceremony and smile for 45 minutes worth of pictures.  Otherwise, she is free to enjoy the rest of the wedding as any other guest.

You have no right to tell her who she gets to bring to your wedding.  Plain and simple.  It won't bother you.  My Aunt is bringing her new BF when she isn't yet divorced and her husband's family will also be in attendance of the wedding.  I am SO not happy about this, but I can't control it.  It is not for me to decide, and I will harldy even notice him on the day of the wedding.  And that is the advice all of the other knotties gave me when I complained about it.  Suck it up.

aerinpegadrak

We had a very tiny wedding in a very tiny venue, and our quasi-crasher (one of DH's cousins was in town on business) brought a friend.  Even with our intimate wedding where I got face time with pretty much everyone, the extent of my interaction with this girl was a quick thanks for coming.

Bottom line, if you don't like this guy, don't hang out with him.  You'll be pulled in a billion different directions at the reception, you won't even notice that he's there.

Lilou902

Seriously, how old are you?  Who freaking cares!  How do you help a girl to try to get your FI to cheat on you?  It still doesn't matter anyway.  You won't notice him.  As Trix said, if you are old enough to get married, which I am starting to question, you are old enough to let this go.

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-date-dramakinda-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:b7b95a53-b22d-41b5-bab7-29e73b5b8536Post:c62ff406-4b2f-43fb-83fc-ef39487ae5be">Re: Bridesmaid Date Drama...Kinda Long</a>:
[QUOTE]actually this guy was involved in halping a girl try to get my guy to cheat on me
Posted by kaitm22[/QUOTE]
This is some Maury-level drama right here.  How does that even work? 

Belle2Be

Geez can I have a cookie for quoting this chick?

Belle2Be

Oh and BTW OP, don't delete or change your OP, the only person who it makes look foolish is yourself.

aerinpegadrak

You get extra cookies because of nice sound advice, in this and other threads.  It's appreciated.

aerinpegadrak

Though I'm keeping one of those cookies for myself for quoting her one follow-up.

Belle2Be

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-date-dramakinda-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:b7b95a53-b22d-41b5-bab7-29e73b5b8536Post:66c5fa43-3f7d-4f83-98c3-5f9f82113199">Re: looking for unique BM gifts under $30</a>:
[QUOTE]You get extra cookies because of nice sound advice, in this and other threads.  It's appreciated.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]
<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" /> Yum! Woohoo, my first cookies!!!

Beachy730

if he was really involved with something like trying to get your FI to cheat on you, then I can understand you not wanting him there.  Plain and simple though, you let her bring a guest, and that is who she chose.  Since you already brought it up to her, she obviously knows you and FI are upset by it.  Whatever he chooses to say to her, and whatever the result of their conversation is, you have to deal with it.  If she ends up bringing this guy still, you have to just let it go and not let it ruin your day.  I had one of my friends bring his neighbor who turned out to be a former student.  I wasn't crazy about it, but I gave him a no strings attached guest on his invite.  And it made no impact on my day whatsoever.

The one thing I can tell you from my wedding is that you will find and notice the people you want to notice.  We had a few random guests there that we didn't know, and I barely noticed them.  I didn't go seeking them other than when we walked around to all the tables, and someone who wasn't really invited isn't going to try and steal your time on your wedding day.  If he is there, you really won't ever notice him, unless you make it a point to pay attention to him. 

jagore08

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-date-dramakinda-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:b7b95a53-b22d-41b5-bab7-29e73b5b8536Post:3d1d9bd1-e946-4602-b33c-74290ed65b35">Re:...</a>:
[QUOTE]Though I'm keeping one of those cookies for myself for quoting her one follow-up.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

<div>Here's a thin mint for you.</div><div>
<a href="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/15/9/ffaed67e-db2f-43a0-899d-71237dfa3284.large.jpg" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', 'ffaed67e-db2f-43a0-899d-71237dfa3284', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));" class="PhotoLink"> <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/15/9/ffaed67e-db2f-43a0-899d-71237dfa3284.medium.jpg" alt="" /></a>
</div>

Belle2Be

oooh is that a girl scout thin mint? No fair!!
I saw you quoted her, didn't see the post!

tldh

OP - top three ways to come off as an immature brat and guarantee that even more people see the evidence:

1.  Post a question like this (high school, are you kidding me?!?!?)
2. dirty delete it
3. remove the subject line

Nice jobs Belle and Aerin.  You see OP, it does you no good to DD a post if it's been quoted.

JadziaDax

I realize I am the minority here but here is my answer: I would be upset too if a friend changed her date and invited someone to the wedding who my FI really didn't like- it's late and there have been deletions here but I think this was the gist of the post. My FI rarely hates anyone so if he felt very strongly about some random guy coming to the wedding, then I wouldn't want that person at our wedding. Your friend had plans to invite someone else and it's not like this guy is her serious boyfriend.

Personally, I would be upset and would tell her I didn't want him there but that is just me. Bottom line, since they aren't seriously dating I would tell my friend "we do not want you to invite so and so. Him and FI do not get along and there is no reason for him to be there".

SassyBrass

I can get that there are people that you or your FI don't like and all, but I'm guessing HS was long enough ago to let go of this past drama. Maybe.
All in all, I would assume he may be coming to the wedding, since it just may happen, and then not worry about it. Don't let something like that "ruin" the wedding.
And as for the whole thing about him trying to get a girl to get him to cheat on you thing? It obviously didn't work, so why are you still thinking about it? Be the bigger person here and move on.

banana468

This is silly.

I was in a similar position.  A GM dated a person that we called, "psychohosebeast".  I didn't like her and she did try to break up DH and me.  Then two years later she began dating the GM and we all rolled our eyes but went with it.  We invited him to bring his GF because it was the right thing to do.

And she behaved herself because to do anything but would have made her look like a bigger psychohosebeast.

OP, please also remember that when you delete a post after people responded to it, it's considered quite rude to the people who did take the time to give you advice.  You don't have to like it, but please practice good netiquette and leave it up.

aerinpegadrak

THIN MINTS!  I puffy pink heart you, jagore, those are my favorites.

banana468

Jaz, again I need to remind you that the use of profanity directed towards others won't be tolerated. 

If I see it again I'll have to ban you.

JadziaDax

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-date-dramakinda-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:b7b95a53-b22d-41b5-bab7-29e73b5b8536Post:4f4ce7df-b568-4cbc-87de-d6663c8073fd">Re:...</a>:
[QUOTE]Jaz, again I need to remind you that the use of profanity directed towards others won't be tolerated.  If I see it again I'll have to ban you.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

Is this directed towards me? I had to read my post twice but didn't find any profanity.

banana468

It was directed to someone else.  You're in the clear! :-)

JadziaDax

Thanks for clearing that up!

ajford2005

Bunch of seriously catty girls on these forums.  She was asking for advice, not to be verbally abused.

OP - I understand why you'd be upset.  Yes, you and your FI should be comfortable since it's your wedding.  Why don't you just try talking to your BM and let her know how you feel about this person?  Yes, she should be able to bring a date and no, you shouldn't have to screen every date, but if someone is bringing someone along that truly makes you uncomfortable, you have a right to draw the line.

If this was just some public event, I wouldn't understand this, but you are paying for this person to come to your wedding.  Who wants someone there that was cruel to them in the past, no matter how far back?  Your feelings are valid because they are your feelings, and I'm sorry people on here feel like just because they're online they get to be hateful to you. 

I think if you approach your BM in a calm, non-defensive manner and explain the fact that you truly do not feel comfortable with this person at your wedding, if she's truly a supportive friend she will understand.  Best of luck!

jazmarie718

Ajford2005 AMEN!!!!!

banana468

Ajford, you don't need to agree with the advice, but is it possible that you're now going through the boards finding places where the OP wasn't supported because you weren't validated when you posted?

I don't think anyone was hateful to the OP.  They're just being honest.  And responses like yours just seem to egg on a negative mentality that drives wedges in the boards.

Mrs.B6302007

Banana468 AMEN!!!!!

ajford2005

No.  I really don't need to be validated by strangers on the internet.  What does irk me is that nearly every thread I click where someone is asking for advice, people are being cruel to her.  I was just making a point that people should all be a little nicer around here and trying to give some genuine advice.  This girl deleted her post.  Doesn't that throw up flags to anyone?